


Too Old to Feel This Young (Again)

by velvet_green



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Crack, Except for Caleb who refuses to get with the programme and is sad instead, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Kid Fic, Tags will be updated as needed, Team as Family, why am I not surprised
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:27:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 50,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26828857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velvet_green/pseuds/velvet_green
Summary: The day after returning from Rumblecusp, the Mighty Nein wake up in Nicodranas and find themselves years younger than they should be.While Jester sees opportunities for chaos, Fjord and Caleb didn’t enjoy their adolescence the first time around and Veth is less than happy to find herself unable to spend quality time with her husbandyet again. All agree – they’ll have to find whatever caused this and fix it as soon as possible. If they’re really lucky, they might even manage to do that before Beau kills someone for calling her “cute”.
Comments: 60
Kudos: 226





	1. In which our characters rise to the occasion (of finding themselves quite changed)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story branches off from canon during the middle of C2E109, so there’ll be SPOILERS for everything up until and including that episode. 
> 
> The characters’ bodies in this fic have been de-aged but their minds have not, so please be aware that they will have canon-level potty mouths and may from time to time be having thoughts that are inappropriate for children (for example, Jester will be just as fond of drawing dicks everywhere as ever). While this will not play a huge part in the story, please take care and consider skipping this fic if this might distress or trigger you.
> 
> German translations and further notes are at the end of the chapter.

Picture this: The sun has just risen over Nicodranas. Sparks glitter on the waves in the harbour while gulls lazily circle over the small fishing ships just returning from the morning’s haul, trying to poach their share. A lone owl is winging his way through the city streets, back to the garret he currently calls his home. Further inland, the city is just waking up. Maids are surreptitiously opening backdoors and emptying chamber pots. Craftsman are hurrying to their workshops as the shadows recede, ready to take up the day’s work. Bakeries are opening their doors, luring the first passers-by inside with the tempting aroma of freshly baked bread and cinnamon pastries. The hustle and bustle of the day proper has yet to arrive. 

Suddenly, a scream coming from a small tower window shatters the tranquillity.  


*****

The morning sun is tickling Jester’s eyelids, causing her to yawn widely and roll over, snuggling further under the covers. It’s so nice to have a soft bed to sleep in after sleeping on the ground in Rumblecusp for so long! Rumblecusp – she wrinkles her nose. Rumblecusp, where the Traveler – who is still the coolest, definitely! – revealed sides to himself that Jester isn’t quite sure she is comfortable with. But she’ll think about that later. For now, she’ll just enjoy the soft bed and the gentle sounds of Nicodranas waking up drifting over from the window.

She sighs, content, and turns over again, stretching a bit. Something is niggling at the back of her mind. There is too much space. Wasn’t she sharing the bed with Beau when they went to sleep last night? 

Giving in to the sun that has been trying to wake her all along, Jester raises her hands to rub at her eyes. The niggling in the back of her mind gets more insistent. What – she blinks the remaining sleep out of her eyes. Why are her hands so small? 

“Beau, are you…” Her gaze drifts to the left… and stops. Lying in the bed next to her is a small dark-skinned human girl in a grossly oversized nightgown – the same nightgown she’d lent Beau the night before, the one that has the least amount of frills of all the nightgowns she owns. A girl that looks suspiciously like – albeit a much younger – “Beau?” 

Jester is starting to feel alarmed. Come to think of it, her nightgown is swamping her as well, going way past her ankles even though it had barely come down to her knees and fit perfectly yesterday. What is going on? “Beau!”, she repeats a third time, and finally the other girl reacts.

“Mmm... Jess, lemme sleep…” girl-Beau grumbles, then blinks. “What the…” She shoots up in bed. “Fuck is my voice…” Her eyes fall on Jester and she trails off. “Umm… who’re you? And don’t repeat that!”

“Er, Beau? I think we’re children…” Or maybe… maybe she’s still dreaming? Quickly, Jester pinches herself in the soft skin between her thumb and her index finger. “Ouch! Definitely not a dream…”

“Jess?” Beau is slowly coming more awake… and clearly starting to get annoyed. “What happened?”

Jester waves her arms. They’re too short. It’s distracting. “I don’t know! I just woke up and now I am all tiny and you are all tiny and I think I’m even more tiny than you are.” Oh, what if mama doesn’t recognize her like this? That would be horrible! No, that’s silly, mama has known her since she was a tiny baby and would recognize her always. Jester grins. In fact, she might even be able to turn this into a neat prank!

While Jester is busy freaking out and calming herself again, Beau climbs out of bed, promptly trips over the ends of her nightgown, curses in her high child voice, gathers up the ends of her nightgown in her fists and starts marching in the direction of the chair she’s left her clothes on. 

“Well, whatever’s happened, I’m going to get dressed, get the others, figure out who’s responsible and then kick their ass until they turn us back!” Beau reaches the chair and pulls out her trousers from the bottom of the stack, knocking the rest of her clothes to the floor in the process. 

Ignoring the mess she’s made, she puts the trousers on – or tries to. Jester’s head snaps up as Beau lets out an aggrieved yell – also in a much higher register than usual – and holds up the trousers with both hands. They are easily almost as tall as she is currently. There is no way they will fit. At all.

Jester can’t help it – she falls back into her pillows and howls with laughter.  


*****

Coming steadily closer, a small figure clad in yellow can be seen hurrying through the streets towards the Lavish Chateau.  


*****

A sudden sound causes Caleb to snap awake. His hands come up in a defensive gesture and he is halfway through the somatic components for a fire bolt by the time his brain catches up to the fact that he is safe. He is in Nicodranas, in the Lavish Chateau, in the room he shares with Fjord and _he is safe_. 

Breathing out in a rush, Caleb sits up and buries his head in his hands. He was awake half the night, thoughts of the upcoming visit to Rexxentrum and meeting with Vess DeRogna circling in his mind and robbing him of his sleep. His first year in Rexxentrum had been one of the happiest in his life. What came after… 

Caleb grits his teeth. He is not that person anymore, he isn’t Bren anymore, bright, idealistic Bren who had believed what others told him. Had believed what Trent told him. Had been willing to do dark, unforgivable things to prove that he was worthy when he was not, he was…

His lap is suddenly full of cat, Frumpkin pawing at his face and hands, and Caleb blinks, ripped from his spiralling thoughts. His racing heart – when did that happen? – calms, and he starts to stroke Frumpkin’s side, almost smiling when his familiar immediately turns over and presents his belly for further scritches. “Du willst ein bißchen Aufmerksamkeit, hmm? Gute Katze.“

He’s fully calmed down and Frumpkin is purring merrily by the time an aborted sound from Fjord makes him look up again. And… that isn’t right. 

“Fjord?”

His roommate looks over wide-eyed from where he’s apparently caught his own image in the mirror on the small vanity between their beds, eyes growing even larger when his gaze falls on Caleb.

“I’m not seeing things, right? We’re…”, his hand waves around in the space between them, and Caleb has just enough time to narrow his eyes at the “we” before Fjord continues, “younger than we should be? A lot younger?”

Caleb sets Frumpkin aside and stands up, an unease taking hold in his mind that has nothing to do with his earlier thoughts. In a few steps – though more than it should have taken, he can’t help but note – he has joined Fjord at the vanity.

A look in the mirror confirms what he already fears – staring back at him are two young boys, not even old enough to shave, and the last time he’d looked in a mirror and seen this particular face staring back he’d still been bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and the world – or at the very least Rexxentrum – had seemed a wonderful place. Forcefully, he shoves that thought and those that come with it to the back of his mind and shuts the door on them tight. There is a problem to deal with.

“Nein, you’re not seeing things, Fjord…” Even his hair is as short as he remembers wearing it back then.

“But this is impossible! Why… you’ve not cast Seeming on us again, have you?” It takes a second to place what Fjord is referring to. It seems he isn’t completely forgiven for his little prank after the bath house yet.

Caleb leaves off looking at his own reflection and turns to his companion. “Why would I do that? There is not even anybody here to see us.”

The half-orc gives him one more suspicious look, then shakes his head once decisively. “You’re right, why would you. Still, it would have been nice to have an easy explanation.”

In Caleb’s experience, easy explanations are mostly something for children’s stories, but he keeps that comment to himself. He understands the sentiment, at least. As it is, this will throw a wrench in their plans for sure.

There is no way he’ll go anywhere near Rexxentrum looking like this.

Before Caleb has fully processed that particular thought, Fjord speaks up again. “Let’s go get the others - maybe one them has an idea what is going on.”

Caleb nods distractedly, his mind already running through possibilities. None of them seem particularly pleasant.

His clothes are at the foot of the bed where he’d left them last night, right next to where Frumpkin is now tearing into the blanket in protest at being neglected. Giving his familiar one last pat on the head, he quickly starts changing. Trousers first, and to make them fit he has to roll up the ends of the legs until the fabric bunches thickly around his ankles.

When it’s time to change his shirt he pauses. His breath speeds up again, and he almost blanks looking at his forearms, which until now had been hidden underneath the sleeves of his nightshirt. His smooth, scarless forearms.

Apparently he sits there for a while, staring at his arms, because the next thing he notices is Frumpkin headbutting him in the thigh and Fjord looking at him oddly. 

“..leb? You with me?”

“Ja, yes, I… my scars are gone.” 

Fjord’s face scrunches up. “That’s… not a bad thing, right?” His voice carries an odd tone, not quite pity but something close to it that Caleb can’t quite make out, and he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t need his friend’s sympathy. He doesn’t deserve his friend’s sympathy.

Truthfully, he doesn’t know how to feel about this. Those scars are there for a reason. They remind him of what was done to him. More importantly, they remind him of what he’s done.

“I suppose,” he concedes and hurries to put on his shirt, again having to roll up the cuffs until his hands almost seem to stick out of wads of fabric. 

Finally deciding that he’s tamed his clothing enough to no longer be a safety hazard – he’ll forgo his tunic for now, and the coat is completely out of the question considering his current height – he adjusts his book harness to his smaller frame, ties on his component pouch, stuffs his feet into his boots and throws on his scarf.

On the other side of the room, Fjord gives up his fight with one of his many pieces of armour and instead shoves on his boots as well. Looking at the piles of clothing and armour they’ll both be leaving behind for now, they share a wry grin.

“Bag of holding?”, Fjord asks, and Caleb nods. Said bag is still sitting on the small table between their beds where they’d left it last night, after one last pass trying to find if there was anything especially valuable they’d missed in the knickknacks they’d collected off Vokodo. 

With a swipe of his hand, Fjord sends the trinkets they’d left lying out first into the small bag they’d originally collected them in and then places that back in the bag of holding, his and Caleb’s surplus clothes and pieces of armour following shortly.

“Well, nothing for it”, Fjord comments and opens the door. “After you.”

Caleb has barely stepped outside when a pale blue blur comes barrelling down the corridor and straight into him.  


*****

The figure in yellow blows right past several pedestrians trying to engage it in conversation. It has now almost reached the Lavish Chateau.  


*****

Caduceus’ ears twitch as he slowly comes awake, and he smiles. It was nice to spend the night in a proper bed again. He’ll have to remember to thank the Wildmother for it later.

He can hear Yasha slowly turning over in the other bed. He’s not sure what happened, but something woke them. Something feels… different. Focusing on his senses for a moment, he listens for the wind, the calls of the birds, the little signs of nature and his patron, but nothing seems to be warning him of immediate danger. Still – it’ll be something to look out for.

There’s a wooden creaking noise now, signalling that Yasha has decided to get up and start the day. He might as well – they’ll be busy today, and who knows what they’ll end up doing. Caduceus may not know all the details, but he knows enough to know that the Cerberus Assembly are not good people. He’ll have to look out for the others, especially Caleb, and that’s not accounting for whatever the mysterious itch is warning him about.

Yawning, he leaves the bed and shuffles up to the window, opening it to welcome the morning properly. He’s seen so many exciting places since he left home, learned so many new things, but every time they stay in a city he still finds himself missing the way he could just go outside and have the Wildmother’s gifts all around him whenever he wanted, feel the earth and moss under his feet and dig his fingers into the soil.

He stretches, and it wakes him up fully. It also draws his attention to the fact that his knee isn’t bothering him at all this morning, and he smiles – one more thing to thank the Wildmother for. 

Yasha’s puttering about behind him, finishing up with the washbasin and starting to change out of her nightclothes, going by the way the splashing has stopped and turned into the swish of cloth and clanking of buckles being pulled tight. Suddenly, the sounds behind him stop, and the tingling he’s been feeling since he woke up becomes more insistent, almost as if something important has just happened.

Caduceus knows better than ignore his intuition – it’s right more times than not – and even though it still doesn’t feel like there is something truly concerning happening, he supposes he might as well find out. When he faces the room, Yasha is standing in front of the washbasin again, looking into the mirror above it. Her hair is completely white, the sunlight from the window behind him almost giving it a silver sheen. 

Huh.

“Good morning”, he greets and waits for her to react. He’s pretty sure he’s going to get an explanation for the tingling feeling soon.

Yasha starts as if she’s only just remembered that there’s a second person in the room. She turns to face him, and the puzzled expression on her face makes the tingling twinge with something like finality and settle in his gut.

“I… my hair… umm, this is going to sound strange but… do I look younger?”

His attention is fully on her know. Besides the hair – which is really quite hard to miss – there does seem to be something else. He wouldn’t call himself an expert on non-Firbolg anatomy, but - the first beginnings of crow’s feet that had been starting to settle in at the corners of her eyes have completely disappeared, and the skin of her face, though hardly wrinkled even before, is now completely smooth. It somehow seems as if she has more energy, and – she might even have lost an inch or two? 

Caduceus goes to open his mouth to say as much when the moment is interrupted by a crash coming from the corridor.  


*****

Downstairs, a small – even smaller than usual, in fact – figure bursts through the door, right past the staff readying the dining area for the day. Nimbly dodging past the hands trying to grab for it, the figure makes for the stairs. 

“Caleb!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry – this was supposed to be 90% crack and fluff but apparently, Caleb refuses to do fluff and Caduceus is just too chill for crack…
> 
> Notes on the character’s ages:  
> \- Jester – around 3/4  
> \- Beauregard and Veth – around 7  
> \- Fjord and Caleb – early teens  
> \- Yasha – late teens  
> \- Caduceus – young(-ish) adult (sorry, but Firbolgs live so long that I’d have to de-age the others out of existence to get him to kid age :P )  
> Yes, there is a reason behind this madness and for why each character has regressed to the age they have, but it’ll take a while until we get to that.
> 
> German translations:  
> “Du willst ein bißchen Aufmerksamkeit, hmm? Gute Katze.“ – “You’re asking for a bit of attention, hmm? Good cat.”


	2. In which our characters would like to register a complaint, but finding the correct customer service hotline proves elusive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beau contemplates murder and seemingly everyone contemplates yellow overalls as the Mighty Nein begin to come to terms with the anti-aging effects of… what, exactly?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to apologize to the colour yellow and any conveyors of fine overalls reading this.

Beau is storming down the third-floor corridor of the Lavish Chateau. To say she is not best pleased would be a gross understatement.

In fact, Beau is livid. She’s furious. If she were a tea kettle she’d be whistling like a deranged cockatoo. (She… is possibly spending too much time with Caduceus, a distant part of her mind notes.)

Anyway. She’s going to find whoever did this to her and make them pay. She’s going to punch them so hard they’ll pass right by next week and end up in _next year_. She’s going to…

Her angry internal tirade is tragically cut short by somebody appearing right in front of her, and there’s no time to course correct, no time to stop, only time enough to – quite hypocritically - wonder What’s a kid doing in a place like this? before they collide head-on. 

( _Well, technically head-to-chest-on_ , the part of her brain that’s not currently mired in a storm cloud of self-indignant anger suggests. She’s reasonably sure it’s the same part that complained about the tea-analogy earlier. She tells it to shut up.)

She and her impromptu adversary go down in a tangle of limbs.

Once she’s managed to get herself right-side-up again (even if not all the way up yet), she focuses on the human-shaped obstacle that’s just now righting himself as well. How dare this boy be in her way! She’s going to give him a piece of her mind, that’s what she’s…

Wait…

Her eyes trail up, right past the bony chest, the ill-fitting, too large clothes and the book holsters – something pings in her mind at that, a distant but distinct “gotcha!” – all the way up to the flummoxed expression and the messy shock of short fiery-red hair atop it.

“You!”

“I…?” The boy - _Caleb_ , her mind insists, _that’s Caleb_ , stammers out, but already his gaze is sharpening and yes, that is definitely Caleb, and that’s definitely Caleb’s “Aren’t I awesome, I just figured something out!” expression. Well, that first part is her own addition, but she’s sure she isn’t too far from the truth.

She’d recognise that expression anywhere by now, even on a skinny runt of a kid. ( _Look who’s calling the kettle black_ , the unhelpful part of her mind remarks saucily. _I thought I told you to shut up_ , she shoots back.)

In short order, the boy’s – Caleb’s - expression transforms into one of supreme shock, and the way his eyes bug out would be almost hilarious if the situation weren’t so… no, screw it, it _is_ hilarious, and she barks out a short laugh, not even bothered by how high her voice is.

Behind her, she can hear Jester snicker as well and the sight of Caleb’s face instantly changing again, this time to an annoyed frown, makes her bite back an outright giggle. 

She doesn’t do giggling. She just doesn’t.

Besides, if she tried to giggle in this form, she’d probably sound like a Pixie on suude.

Just like Jester currently does, actually. It’s pretty uncanny.

Before the situation can devolve any further, a nearby door opens and Caduceus pokes his head out, shortly afterwards followed by the rest of him. All seven-foot-something of him, the lucky bastard, and how come _he_ hasn’t descended into munchkindom?

Beau feels betrayed.

The firbolg takes a long look around the scene before him, eyes wandering from Beau to somewhere just behind her – must be Jester – then back, on to Caleb and – oh shit, Fjord too, huh?

Now that she’s getting a closer look at them, there’s no denying that both men look like boys who’ve fallen into their parents’ closet and come out the other side dressed up in their fathers’ clothes.

It makes her mind flash to the thing she’s been trying to ignore the whole time ( _One of the several things_ , the pestering part of her mind corrects and for once, she agrees) – the pale blue pinafore dress she’s wearing that Jester pulled out of her cupboard from who-knows-when-long-ago earlier when it became apparent that no matter what she preferred, there’d be a size-related wardrobe change in her immediate future.

The dress has _ruffles_. It also had a bow at the back, but she tore that off earlier when Jester wasn’t looking. The only place she’d ever willingly wear a bow is on her bo staff.

At least the dress has no sleeves.

The men (boys?) on the other hand look as if they’ve got a couple of extra lengths of sleeves between them.

She’s heard that misery breeds company, but this is ridiculous.

Once he’s done taking them all in, Caduceus rocks back on his unfairly long legs, and yes, Beau can see in his expression that he’s caught on to what’s happened.

“Oh. Oh dear. Wow. That’s… something.”

Beau would comment on how “something” is not the term she’d use – in fact, she’d be happy to suggest a number of colourful alternatives -, but an angel has suddenly appeared behind Caduceus and the breath is knocked right out of her for the second time in as many minutes.

Wait, that’s not an angel. That’s Yasha.

“Your hair is very pretty”, she hears someone unfamiliar say and oh, that’s her. Damn squeaky kid voice. She almost misses the other woman’s soft “thank you?”, but the question mark tacked on the end still comes through, reminding her that it’s not just her voice that’s not its usual self, and they need to fix this shit _now_.

The reminder does help her pull herself together, though. Beau crawls out of Caleb’s lap (and isn’t that a turn of phrase she didn’t think she’d ever use), jumps up and turns around to offer the wizard a hand up out of habit.

She ends up nearly putting his eye out due to the unexpected height difference, or rather, lack thereof. Well, fuck it, he’s a big boy, he can stand up by himself.

A soft gasp from Yasha signifies that they’re all finally on the same page, and that’s all there is time for before there’s trampling and a shout and suddenly Veth appears at the top of the stairs, or at least Beau assumes it’s Veth and not some other half-crazed halfling girl based on the fact that she’s screaming Caleb’s name. For some reason, she’s wearing eye-searingly yellow overalls so loud they should rightfully make Beau’s eyes bleed. 

It reminds her of her own fashion problems again, and the indignity of it all gnaws at her afresh.

She’s going to _kill_ whoever did this to her. To them.

But first, they’ll all need to buy some new clothes.

*****

Fjord is standing in the corridor behind Caleb and debating whether to laugh, cry or simply curl up and go back to sleep in the hopes that when he wakes up, this will all simply be a bad dream brought on by indigestion.

He’s got the sneaking suspicion that that last one wouldn’t help much.

Well, they’re all here now, and they probably shouldn’t continue standing around in the corridor making a scene. He’s not quite sure why he cares, considering the ruckus they’ve made so far has probably woken up everyone within the vicinity of, oh, say, three blocks, but a man can hope.

Also, some of those other patrons at the concert yesterday had really had quite a lot to drink before stumbling upstairs to sleep it off, so that might work in their favour.

Still, they should move the impending discussion to a more private place, what with Veth as worked up as she is and Beau glaring about her as if even the wallpaper itself has managed to get on her bad side.

Between that, the little blue dress she’s wearing (and Beau in a dress is already a strange sight) and the fact that she looks about a second away from stomping her foot on the ground like a little girl angry about not getting to eat dessert before dinner, she looks almost… cute. 

Fjord quickly makes a note to never, ever tell her that.

Then he mentally underlines that note, twice. He’s really quite fond being alive after all, thank you very much.

“So, I’m guessing it wasn’t just Caleb and me who had a little morning surprise?”, he ventures and, upon reviewing his words, immediately has to hold back a wince. That came out all wrong, and Jester’s laughter, formerly in the process of dying down, starts up again.

Which is actually pretty disturbing, considering she’s currently probably less than forty inches tall and looks like she’s a year away tops from being pushed around in one of those stroller things rich people sometimes use.

“Oh Fjord, did you have a nice dream?” And yeah, that innuendo’s all Jester, complete with the sing-songy finish, and he has to look away when he is reminded of how pretty she’d looked on Rumblecusp in that shimmery-white embroidered dress she’d painted for herself.

Thankfully, Caduceus rescues him before his cheeks can heat all the way up.

“Erm, we should probably all go back inside and talk about this?”

Veth – who is wearing garish yellow overalls for some reason, really, what’s up with those? – is looking at Caleb as if she’s only just realised the full extent of this (and oh no, this is going to turn her mothering instincts all the way up, isn’t it?). 

“Yes, thank you, Caduceus”, she agrees with that odd poise she’d gained when she’d turned back into a Halfling and is the first to walk past the Firbolg into his and Yasha’s room. The rest of them follow suit, filing inside one by one. 

Fjord is last, and just as he’s about to close the door a middle-aged out-of-breath half-elf appears at the top of the stairs. Fjord recognizes her as one of the servants responsible for tidying up the show area and guest rooms. 

“I’m very sorry, but have you seen a little halfling girl? She just ran in downstairs and seemed very distressed, we’re all very worried. She was wearing these hideous yellow overalls.” She sounds slightly out of breath, and Fjord feels very lucky that she was just slow enough to miss the confrontation that just took place.

Then his brain catches up with her words, and yes, that would be cause for concern with Veth suddenly looking as young as she does, wouldn’t it? Trouble is, he doesn’t exactly think it’s a good idea to spread around what state they’re in. On the other hand, he also doesn’t want the staff thinking there’s a child in need of help lost somewhere in the building.

In the end, he goes with the first idea that comes to mind that seems like it might at least somewhat work.

“Uh, there was a halfling girl here earlier? Knocked on one of the doors and her parents let her in, at least she called somebody “papa”.” 

He holds his breath to see if it worked, and apparently luck is on his side today – and doesn’t that thought elicit a mental scoff – for the woman’s worried features relax after a moment.

“Well, thank you for letting me know. You should probably get back to your parents now, though.”

Fjord blinks, opens his mouth to retort – and then remembers afresh just how he looks right now.

He pushes away the pang of envy – having parents, imagine that – and nods. “Yeah, probably. Have a good day, then.”

He doesn’t wait for her to reply, just steps fully into the room where the others are already waiting and closes the door.

*****

Yasha’s not sure what happened, but whatever happened, it’s very strange. She’s glad for the moment Fjord takes to come in. It gives her the time to collect her thoughts, at least somewhat.

It also gives what are apparently Veth and Jester time to pretty much outright climb onto the bed and wow, they’re tiny. She’s used to people being smaller than her, and she probably wouldn’t think anything of it if it weren’t Veth and Jester (and Beau and Caleb and Fjord). She’s just used to them being taller!

She’s pretty sure she should be taller too (and that’s not even considering her hair), and as soon as she thinks of that she has to resist the urge to turn around and check herself in the mirror again. That way lies madness, she’s sure.

As soon as Fjord shuts the door Beau, who has plonked herself down on a chair over by the window, speaks up.

“So – anybody any idea what’s going on?”

Nobody volunteers an answer. If this were Xhorhas, Yasha’s pretty sure she could hear Xhorhasian crickets chirp in the background. 

They’re very good in soup.

Beau changes tracks.

“Okay. Second question. Any idea about how to get rid of this? Caleb?”

All eyes turn to their wizard, who’s wedged himself into the corner, almost as if he’s trying to make himself invisible. Caleb’s never been terribly impressive physically, but now that he’s an actual child, he’s even less so. In fact, he’s probably thin enough that a stiff breeze could knock him right over, and the too-large clothes don’t help.

He’s also seldom comfortable with having everyone’s attention on him – Yasha can sympathise – and this time is no different. It doesn’t help that clearly, whereas Yasha herself is still much too confused to know how she feels about all of this and Beau has gone with “angry”, Caleb seems to have settled on “spooked”.

“Uh, no. Chances are it is a spell, or a curse, but I would have to do more research…” He trails off, and Beau’s clearly about to start up again when he adds, sounding thoughtful, “…we could try Dispel Magic. Greater Restoration might work as well.”

The mood in the room lifts – at least now they have a direction they can follow.

“Good call, Caleb! Let’s try that!”

Jester jumps up on the bed, but almost immediately, her face falls again. “Uh, I’m going to have to use one of the diamonds we got yesterday for, you know, super-duper emergencies…”

“This is an emergency!” Veth screeches, and ow, she’s been a lot more settled since regaining her original self, but whatever this is clearly has her on edge and falling into old patterns. Vocal patterns, that is. 

“It’s absolutely an emergency! This is awful! Look at this – “, she gestures down at herself, her expression almost but not quite as disgusted as it had been when she’d still been Nott, “Yeza won’t even touch me! Which is great, because if he did, I would have to make Luc a half-orphan. But it’s also horrible because I really, really want him to and we can’t now and it sucks!” She’s jumped up as well, highlighting that she and Jester are the same height.

Nobody says anything for a moment. Just before Yasha’s imaginary Xhorhasian crickets are about to start up again (they’re also delicious when crisped over the fire, and it occurs to Yasha that possibly, she’s craving breakfast), Caleb swallows, continuing the conversation and completely ignoring the details of what Veth just said. “Well, maybe I’ll try Dispel Magic first, and if that doesn’t solve the problem, we’ll move on to Greater Restoration. I think we can all agree that this situation is not sustainable.”

He shares a look and a reassuring smile with Veth. He still looks spooked though, and Yasha’s beginning to think there’s something more behind that than just being nervous about being a foot or two shorter.

While she’s still trying to puzzle out this new mystery, Caleb’s gaze turns inward and he waves his hands around for a moment and… nothing. 

Yasha can almost feel the collective mood in the room deflate again.

“Okay, then we’ll just have to try Greater Restoration! It’ll be fine!” Jester turns to Caduceus. “Umm, could we use one of your diamonds? It’s just that I have the big one and also, it’s in my haversack and that’s still in my room because it’s really, really heavy today and also, Caleb is going to need to turn it into diamond dust. You can do that, right, Caleb?”

“Ja, I can do that…”

Yasha is once again impressed just how quickly the Tiefling can turn the mood in a room around. It reminds her of another Tiefling with the same ability, and she quickly bites her lip and swallows that thought. It won’t help to dwell on things lost.

It doesn’t take long for Caduceus to produce a suitable diamond and soon Caleb is bent over it, hard at work casting while the rest of them watch and try not to break his concentration. By the time he’s done, they’re all buzzing with the pent-up need to do something other than stand around and watch other people work.

They gather around the bed and Jester takes the diamond dust from Caleb. “I’m gonna try Veth first”, she announces. Once more, they wait around while she puts her hand on the Halfling’s shoulder and closes her eyes in concentration.

As before, nothing happens. Yasha’s pretty sure the mood in the room has now reached rock bottom. She’s not sure why there should be rocks at the bottom, but that’s where it is.

“Okay, okay, we can deal with this! It’s not all that bad!” Jester is trying to put on a brave face but Yasha can see through it, and Veth isn’t even trying. She pulls on the straps of the yellow overalls she’s wearing and very much looks as if she can’t believe they’re having to retread this ground. “Not that bad? I had to borrow this from my son! He’s five!”

And oh, yeah, that explains where she found that thing. It’s an… interesting… colour.

“Yeah, no way I’m staying like this longer than absolutely necessary!” Beau has moved onto the bed as well, jumping up onto the duvet with one giant hop for one so small. She’s definitely not lost her athletic abilities – Yasha hopes that that, at least, will cheer her up.

“So, that’s a nay on Dispel Magic and another nay on Greater Restoration. Seems like we’re going to have to do this the old-fashioned way and figure out what is behind this and possibly beat the shit out of the responsible party. I’m not exactly opposed to that.”

She pulls out a notebook and pen from somewhere – from where, Yasha has no idea; she doesn’t think that dress has any pockets - and looks at the rest of them. “So, any theories?”

Yasha looks at the three little girls on the bed, and if she didn’t know better, she’d think they were all proper children. A suspicion forms in Yasha’s mind. It’s awful, but… “Um, what if somebody wants to attack us and just… uh… thinks it would be easier this way?”

Beau nods slowly. “Okay, not where I was hoping we’d go with this, but sure, let’s roll with that. Any guess who’d be up for that?”

“The Cerberus Assembly,” Caleb bites out and yes, if he’s thinking that that would explain the extra helping of nerves on top of his usual skittish behaviour. Beau pulls a face as Caleb continues, “I don’t know why they’d feel the need to do this now, but I wouldn’t put it past them.”

From what she’s heard Yasha thinks there isn’t much the Assembly wouldn’t do to get what they wanted, but the point stands.

Caduceus shares a look with Fjord. “There’s also the followers Uk’otoa. They might just be determined enough to try something like this.” 

“Determined isn’t the word I’d use, but yeah, put that on the list as well”, Fjord agrees.

None of them have forgotten what happened on the Ball-Eater, and Beau jots that possibility down in short order.

“Also, the Traveller,” Veth adds, and Jester rounds on her, but before she can protest Veth lifts her hands up in the universal “Don’t blame me!” gesture. “What? Don’t tell me he wouldn’t pull shit like this, just for a laugh!”. Before that particular topic can devolve into a more heated discussion, Fjord draws Jester’s attention.

“It could also be Isharnai. If she’s realised how you tricked her with the cupcake, she might have decided to go after all of us, not just you, and this sort of thing is definitely in her power.” They all wince in unison – if it is Isharnai, it won’t be easy to bend her to their will a second time.

“At least it’s probably not the extremely creepy giant evil city that’s possibly coming to munch on all of us?” Jester suggests to lift their spirits. 

It doesn’t really help.

They spend a couple more minutes brainstorming but there’s really no clear result other than that they’ve made a lot of enemies over the last year.

Like, a whole lot of enemies.

They’ve certainly been busy.

With that thought, another possibility enters Yasha’s mind, and she has to breath deep for a moment just to force the guilt back down. “It might be someone I hurt. When I was with Obann. I… I can’t even remember all of them, so I’m not sure how much help that is, but...”

Her words trail off, and there’s silence for a moment before Beau clears her throat.

“Well, okay, that brings us up to – the Cerberus Assembly, Uk’otoa, Uk’otoa’s followers, the Traveller, any of the Traveller’s former followers who hold a grudge – read: especially golden dick lady, Isharnai, anyone left over from the Beacon heist who wants to shut up witnesses, that guy Sutan if he’s managed to get out of prison yet and anybody else who thinks we’ve wronged them and has somehow figured out how to do this. And they may or may not try to outright kill us. Of course, that’s only if this was caused by a specific person on purpose in the first place.”

She plops down on the bed. “Well, shit. That’s a lot.” 

Jester throws her arms around Beau’s shoulders. At least she tries to. It doesn’t really work, what with her arms now roughly being the length of Yasha’s gauntlets. “We’ll figure it out! After all, we’ve got the best detective agency in all of Exandria on the job!” She and Veth high-five. Fjord huffs. “The tiniest detective agency, you mean.”

Veth and Jester turn expressions of identical pint-sized outrage on him. There’s a beat, Beau giggle-snorts, and then suddenly for a short while, all bets are off. It’s pandemonium, and Yasha’s pretty sure that at one point, Caleb has to bodily keep Veth from clawing at Fjord. 

She stays on the sidelines with Caduceus – she sometimes gets the impression that he’s much more amused by the group’s shenanigans than he lets on - and watches it all. Her friends, her _family_. All she can think of is that if anybody harms these children, she’ll kill them. Slowly and painfully. Not that she wouldn’t usually do that for her friends, but now that they seem so small and vulnerable the need is somehow more… immediate.

Finally, the warring parties make their peace and the chaos quiets down. Jester, Beau and Veth have arranged themselves on the bed again, against the headboard this time, and Beau is glaring at her list as if it personally did her wrong. Caleb’s slunk back into his corner.

Caduceus is the first to break the silence. “So, we know who could be responsible, that’s nice. And we’ve all worked off some energy. But what do we do next?”

“Research”, Beau grouses at the same time that Caleb says, “Tell no one”.

At everybody’s looks, he elaborates: “Whether or not this was done on purpose to weaken us, once our enemies realise what has happened, they will try to capitalise. Therefore, we should try to keep this hush-hush as long as possible.”

Before anybody can react, he continues: “Also, and I realise in light of what I just said this will sound strange, but: We should message Essek.”

Yeah, that is strange, but before Yasha can react, Veth beats her to it. Come to think of it, she never quite warmed up to him again after the revelations on the Ball-Eater. “Why? I don’t think we should trust him.”

Caleb doesn’t even try to deny that. “It’s not a question of trust. He is a master of dunamancy. Outside of being attacked by the person who caused this in the first place – if that’s even what this is – dunamancy may be our best shot at finding out what happened. Besides, we know what he did and he knows we know. He can’t rat us out if we’ve got dirt on him too.”

“Mutually assured destruction. You’re planning on blackmailing him.” Fjord looks like he can’t decide whether he’s impressed or horrified. 

“Not necessarily, but yes. Think of it more as a measure of last resort.” Caleb’s ruthless streak doesn’t show all that often, but it’s definitely there now. Yasha approves; growing up in the wastes of Xhorhas taught her the value of pragmatism.

Jester claps her hands together. “I can definitely message Essek!”

Before anybody can intervene, she’s already at it, calling on the traveller to aid with her spell. “Hello Essek! We woke up all teeny-tiny today and we’re wondering if you know how to change us back? Except for Caduceus and…”, Fjord’s waving frantically and Jester abandons that particular avenue, but it’s too late. “Please help…”, she manages to tack on as Fjord counts down the remaining two fingers.

Then he buries his head in his hands in exasperation.

Jester’s still focused on her spell. 

Veth has started nervously braiding the ends of her hair. 

Beau is glaring at her notebook again. 

Caleb has crept out of his corner and sat down on the chair Beau has vacated. 

Caduceus, as usual, looks as if barely anything could faze him.

Yasha loves them all so much it hurts.

Together, they wait for an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, Fjord rolled really high on that deception check.
> 
> Fun Fact: How does Beau know what a munchkin is? Well, when Beau was a little girl, not much older than she looks now, a travelling acting troupe came through Kamordah and her parents took her to see a rendition of “Ye olde Wizard of Oz”. She doesn’t remember much, but she certainly found the lady who defeated her enemy by throwing a house on her very impressive. 
> 
> This chapter was supposed to be about half as long and have about twice as much plot. Oops.  
> \- Outline: Move the story forward! We need to get to the next plot points! Chop, chop!  
> \- Reality: Let’s have almost two thousand words of the characters standing around in a corridor, why don’t we?


	3. In which our characters recount their woes to some but not to others and Essek may be the only one happy this is happening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jester practises her ability to find silver linings as the Mighty Nein try to figure out what to do next.

Essek Thelyss would not consider himself an impatient man. 

He once managed to spend an entire day during one of the Bright Queen’s public audience events at court with a stone in his shoe and didn’t try to remove it. Not even once.

Granted, the fact that he was floating through all of it probably helped. But still.

(It probably also helped that one of the first things he learned after being appointed Shadowhand was the importance of being able to make an interested face while mentally taking inventory of the stock of his magic components pantry. Really, how many farmers can there be in all of Xhorhas who absolutely have to ask the Queen personally to arbitrate their petty disputes? Thank Luxon public audiences only happen twice a year.)

Anyway, the point is, he is a patient man.

So the fact that, only three hours into a meeting with members of the lesser Dens on the topic of the ramifications of the sudden end of the war, he is as good as ready to start tearing out his hair and declare the entire session over and done with says a great deal.

Though not as much as the other participants.

Currently, it is Bodo Icozrin’s turn to regale them with his problems, and Essek can just… yes, there he goes again. 

“Den Icozrin and the Icozrin Steelworks have worked very hard and braved many dangers – even an incursion by Stone Giants! – to make sure our great Dynasty was not deprived of steel in her time of need! Now all the surplus iron caused by the early end of…”

He prattles on, complaining that the crown will not commit to taking more of the steel off their hands as if the steel would go bad if not sold immediately. Essek knows for a fact that all he really cares about is getting war time prices for his wares; he’ll be able to sell them either way.

He also knows that the true reason Bodo cares so much is that he’s still trying to get back in his Den’s good graces after the fiasco at the Deepriver Mining Camp. And his wife’s good graces, of course.

Apparently, she still hasn’t moved back in with him.

From what he’s heard, the Mighty Nein were involved in that mess, and Essek’s not surprised. They’re involved in a lot of things one wouldn’t expect them to be.

Come to think of it, he’s not heard of them for quite a while.

Probably for the best. Chaos follows them wherever they go, and he is not a man fond of chaos. Besides, they know too much.

(He studiously ignores the little voice that tells him it’s not for the best. That he’s starting to miss them and has actually grown quite fond of them, chaos or not. And he’s definitely not worried. Banish the thought!)

By the time he manages to wrestle his attention back to the meeting, Bodo Icozrin is still going on about the sacrifices of the brave steel workers (and especially, of course, the sacrifices of Den Icozrin). He should have known. He’s heard it all before.

Literally – this is their third day of meetings.

Across the table from him, Athera of Den Hythenos, head nodding, just catches herself before her eyes slide fully closed. Essek can sympathise.

He doesn’t know what he’s done to deserve being stuck in these meetings – it’s not exactly his usual area of expertise -, but the Queen appointed him personally to help arbitrate, so he can hardly bow out. (Well, he does know what he’s done, but it’s not like the Queen knows. He would definitely be a head shorter if that were the case.) Anyway, the real reason probably has to do with his familiarity with the Mighty Nein.

Them again. They’ve really taken over quite a lot of room in his life as of late.

Mind wandering once more, he idly wonders when they’ll next contact him to ask him to teleport them over half the continent to some forsaken place at the most inconvenient time. Or possibly just for a chat. Where the Mighty Nein are concerned, one can never be sure.

“Hello Essek! We woke up all teeny-tiny today and we’re wondering if you know how to change us back? Except for Caduceus and…”

Suddenly, there’s Jester’s voice in his mind, as clear as if she was standing next to him. He must miss them more than he thinks, Essek muses.

...wait, no, that _was_ actually Jester’s voice. He’s not sure he would have recognised her without the magic of Sending – she sounds quite different.

But then, shrinking will probably do that to you. 

He makes the mistake of indulging in his imagination and has to immediately supress a chuckle. Surreptitiously, he looks around to make sure nobody saw him react - after all, he has appearances to uphold! At least Athera Hythenos, for one, definitely hasn’t noticed anything. Her head has now sunk to rest lightly on the back her chair in a way that looks rather uncomfortable.

While he’s internally cringing at the crick in her neck Athera will likely have later, one last plea for help from Jester arrives, and the honest expectation in her voice definitely doesn’t make the knot of fondness in his stomach that doesn’t even exist twist.

(The part of his mind that was ready to tear out his hair in frustration also settles down. Finally, an escape from the boredom!)

He takes a moment to formulate his answer before he replies. “That is an unusual predicament. I suppose you have tried basic dispel methods. How small have you shrunk? What about Caduceus?”

It takes a moment for her to respond, and Essek checks in with his surroundings again in the meantime. Bodo Icozrin has handed the floor over to Gerik Omrifar.

Tanneries are in no way more interesting than steelworks.

Reassured, Essek turns his concentration back to the conversation with Jester.

When she speaks again, there are still traces of laughter in her voice. “Silly Essek! We didn’t shrink, we’re children! Or younger – Caduceus is still pretty big, though. But I’m like, four, and Beau and Veth are just…” She peters out again.

That… is something different. While he knows of some spells that have shrinking effects or at least give an individual the appearance of having shrunk through cleverly applied illusions, he knows of none – except the most powerful of transformation spells – that would outright change an individual back to physical childhood. Since all of them are affected, it is unlikely to be the latter.

It does explain Jester’s new voice, though.

“Thank you, Jester, I get the picture. I will look into it and let you know if I find something.”

He doesn’t add how very glad he is to have something to look forward to other than the end of this interminable meeting.

_“Great! We’ll let you know if we find something too! Oh, and also, Caleb says he’ll snitch on you if you tell anyone! … What, he...”_

That last bit is clearly not meant for him, and he doesn’t have time to reply, doesn’t even have time to wonder what that was about, before Jester’s voice rings out once again in his head, high and slightly sheepish.

_“...forget what I said, it’s totally not an issue. Except if you’re planning on telling anyone, then it totally is! Anyway, have a nice day!”_

Essek’s not sure if he’s just been threatened, but on the other hand, Jester’s messages have never been the most coherent. He’s going to give her the benefit of the doubt for now.

Besides, she just managed to save him from having to stab himself to death with his own quill to escape this meeting, so she’s one ahead in that regard. Now he just needs to survive the next couple of hours as well. 

At least trying to recall everything he knows about aging magic will be a better use of his time than mentally reorganising his component pouch for the twentieth time.

*****

Jester’s pretty proud of herself.

“See Fjord! That was exactly 25 words! I am so good at Sending!”

Fjord doesn’t look impressed, which is just unfair. Caleb’s still glaring at her a little – he did say he was going to rat Essek out, she didn’t make that up! 

At least when he’s glaring he’s not looking sad, so that is already an improvement on before. Caleb doesn’t like being a child much, Jester thinks.

She’s pretty sure she knows why, but thinking about that is just going to make her sad too and that won’t help anyone and besides, there’s things to do!

First of all, she definitely needs to tell Mama what happened. Even if that is probably going to make Caleb glare at her even more.

“That... could have gone a lot worse”, Fjord finally concedes and while it’s still less enthusiastic than Jester thinks she deserves she’ll take it as a win.

“That went totally great! Essek is going to help us real quick and then we can all go back to being grown-ups again!”

“It’s the least he can do”, Veth grumps and crosses her arms. “So, what’s next?”

Before anybody can suggest anything, Jester jumps in again. “Umm, I really need to tell Mama? I mean, if she sees me, she’s definitely going to recognise me! And I don’t want to lie to her.”

She sneaks a quick glance at Caleb, but he doesn’t look angry or protest like she’d feared he would. In fact, he kind of looks sad again, just a different kind of sad, and she’s not sure if that isn’t worse.

“Of course you don’t need to lie to your mother, Jester. I’m sure she’ll help us keep this secret.” Caduceus gives her a kind smile. He’s so tall now. Well, he’s usually tall, but now that she’s so tiny he seems even taller. When she stands in front of him now, she has to crane her neck all the way back to see his face.

Beau opens her mouth – whether to agree or disagree, Jester isn’t sure – but it’s at that point that Yasha’s stomach gives a loud growl.

Like, really loud. It sounds almost like that beast with the tiny arms they caught for dinner on Rumblecusp.

Yasha goes all red in the face, and Jester would laugh, but laughing at Yasha when she’s embarrassed like this would just be cruel. “Umm... I guess I’m a bit hungry...”.

“More than a bit, I think”, Beau says instead of whatever else she was going to say earlier, and underneath the usual fondness that comes through whenever she looks at Yasha it’s almost like she’s not trying to laugh herself.

“I think we could all do with some breakfast”, Caduceus chimes in again. He’s not wrong, and, even better, Jester can totally help with that!

“I’ll just ask Mama to have something to eat sent to this room! That way, we won’t have to go down to the dining hall, and also, we’ll have more time to figure out what to do next!”

Jester isn’t really much of a private person, but even she doesn’t think discussing this downstairs in full view of everyone would be a good idea, even if they disguise themselves first.

The others issue forth a variety of agreeable noises in different pitches and Jester climbs down from the bed and makes her way to the door.

“Jester? Just make sure she doesn’t tell anyone else, ja?” Caleb’s not really looking at her, but Jester can see how tense he is by the way he holds his shoulders.

“Of course, Caleb! Besides, it’s Mama – she wouldn’t ever do anything that could hurt me or any of you!”, she reassures him. He doesn’t seem particularly reassured, though, still sitting there as stiff as a board.

Well, it’s not like she can do anything about it right now. She’ll just have to make sure they solve this as soon as possible and then everything will be fine.

Once at the door she has to reach all the way up to her head to get at the doorknob, and isn’t that strange? Yasha almost has to step in and help her – so high up, the doorknob is at just the wrong angle for her to turn it easily – but then she has it. A quick peek reveals that there’s nobody else outside, and then she’s already off darting down the corridor and trusting the others to close the door behind her. She scurries all the way to her own room on the other side of the third floor of the Lavish Chateau and inside, glad she left the door open when running after Beau earlier.

She said she was going to see her Mama, but she never promised to go there immediately, after all.

Shoving the door closed with her back until the latch catches, she ignores the mess left over from where Beau and she were going through her old dresses earlier and instead digs through her haversack to find what she needs. Then, she takes a run-up and belly-flops onto her bed. Turns out, being small can actually be pretty fun once you’re used to it! 

Once she’s pushed all the blankets to the side and settled herself comfortably in the middle of the bed, she pulls out her holy symbol. It feels very large and unfamiliar in her child-sized hands, and for a moment, Jester is filled with doubts – what if the Traveller really is behind all this? Veth and the others aren’t completely wrong – after all, he was ready to leave all of his other followers on Rumblecusp with Vokodo. A small part of her wonders if he would have been ready to leave her too, and the thought causes a tiny, unpleasant twinge in her stomach that she buries in the back of her mind with all the other things she doesn’t want to think about, like the clank of Lorenzo’s chains and the loneliness of growing up as the only child in this big house.

She’s just being silly. The Traveller may be an archfey and not a god – and hadn’t that been a surprise! – but he is still her oldest friend, was her only friend for so long, and she knows he cares for her. He’s definitely going to help her get to the bottom of this!

With that comforting thought she starts the steps for Commune, and it doesn’t take long at all for the green-cloaked form of the Traveller to appear before her. He pushes his hood back – and just seeing his face still gives her a small thrill every time it happens – and looks at her for a moment. Then he breaks into a broad smile. “Well, well, well, my little Jester, this is really quite exquisite. It’s been a long time in your mortal years since I’ve seen you like this.” 

Jester can’t help it – she giggles and smiles back just as brightly. “It has, hasn’t it? You should have seen the look on Fjord’s face when he realised!” She giggles again. It had been even sillier than the look on Beau’s or Caleb’s! 

“I’m sure it was. So, I suppose the reason you called me here has to do with this?” One long, elegant hand indicates her current form. Jester nods. “Yep. See, it’s not just me, it’s everyone! Well, Caduceus and Yasha are still kinda big, but Yasha’s hair has turned all white and I think Caduceus is sort of more... springy? Anyway, we’re trying to find out why we’re like this, and I was hoping you could help!”

He smiles indulgently. “Jester, I need a question – you know that’s how the spell works.”

She pulls her thoughts together. “Right, right! So – I’m sorry, I need to ask this, the others are just being weird about it, you know, but – was it you that changed us?” She doesn’t think so – she doesn’t hope so – but now that she’s asked, at least she’ll know for sure.

He laughs. “Oh my darling Jester, it is a neat trick, but it isn’t mine. I might steal it for the future, though. It seems an excellent way to – how shall I put it – spice up a stale situation?”

Jester doesn’t even acknowledge the tiny spark of relief she’s feeling at his admission and forges right ahead. “Then, do you know what did it?”

His eyes turn thoughtful, and he puts a hand on her cheek. It’s so big in comparison it wraps all the way around to the back of her head. “Hmm, that is strange. No, I do not. But I can tell you that it is some very powerful magic.” He looks – well, he looks intrigued, and that in turn worries Jester a bit. The Traveller knows so much! If even he doesn’t know what made them children again, what can it be?

But that’s a worry for later. For now, she has one question left. “Oh, ok, umm... do you know if anybody is going to try and hurt us while we’re like this?” Even as the words leave her mouth, she realises he’s probably got no way of knowing, but she just has to ask. 

His face goes dark for a moment. “Not if they know what’s good for them.” He sounds as angry as she’s ever heard him, and it’s moments like this that make her sure he cares about her too, despite everything. Take that, Veth!

Then, with almost no time in between, he’s back to his usual jovial self again, and if Jester didn’t know any better, she’d be sure he never showed any concern at all. But she definitely knows better. 

“...and this when I have to leave you. It’s very busy work you know, figuring out what to do now that I’m finally rid of all my followers! Except for you, of course.” His head dips in her direction.

“Ok then, I guess that’s all...” Now that she’s done, she doesn’t want him to leave. He smiles again, and this time it looks mischievous. It’s a look she’s seen on him many times, and in Jester’s opinion, it suits him wonderfully. 

“Chin up, Jester! Just think of all the wonderful chaos you’ll be able to achieve, looking like this! I’ll be watching you...”

He gives her one last pat on the head, and then, between one blink and the next, he’s disappeared and she’s alone in her bedroom again. There’s only Sprinkle, still snoring softly on her dresser, wrapped in a silken shawl. She lets him be when she leaves again to seek out her mother’s bedroom. He’s been through enough.

Like, really – sometimes she feels almost sorry for the little guy.

Soon, Jester’s in front of the door that leads to the Ruby of the Sea’s bedchamber – she knows for a fact that her Mama wasn’t working last night, but still, it’s early, and Mama is a late riser. She quietly opens the door – or as quietly as she can, really, considering that the doorknob will only obey her stubby, grasping fingers on the third try – and sneaks in.

As she’d guessed, her Mama’s still asleep, wrapped in one of the pretty, diaphanous nightgowns she favours.

A giggle escapes her, and she swiftly claps her hands over her mouth to stifle the sound. Mama is going to be so surprised!

Stealthily, she climbs onto the bed – no belly-flop this time, and what a shame that is – and crawls to the headboard covered in plush black velvet meant to complement the Ruby’s radiant red skin tone. 

“Psst, Mama! Mama, wake up!”

Her Mama only rolls over with a soft murmur. Somehow, even in her sleep that small movement looks impossibly graceful.

Though, admittedly, Jester may be a biased source.

She scoots around to her mother’s other side and tries again. “Mama!”

Her Mama groans – melodiously, of course -, sounding a bit more awake. “Little Sapphire, it is early, let Mama sleep some more, yes?”

Jester beams. Success! “Mama, you’ll never guess what happened!”

“Did some more of the birds hatch? I know you were looking forward to that.” The Ruby smiles sleepily, eyes still closed. Jester is confused. What is Mama taking about?

Jester’s still wondering when her Mama first yawns, then opens her eyes, looks at her and bops her on the nose. “Good morning, my little Sapphire!” 

Jester laughs – and finally remembers: Sometimes in the spring, when she was very small, Bluud would take her up to the roof and lift her up high she could sneak a look at the nests of the birds making their homes in the rafters. Funny. She hadn’t thought about that in years!

“Good morning, Mama! But that was like, forever ago, when I was tiny!” Yes, she’s tiny now, but that’s different!

“Oh, so you’ve decided you’re a big girl now?” Her Mama sits up and pulls Jester right into her lap, where she fits perfectly. 

It’s pretty nice, actually.

Just as Jester comes to that decision, her mother stiffens.

“Jester?” Her voice has changed as well, and Jester’s pretty sure that her mother is fully awake now.

“Surprise!” Jester spreads her arms wide and beams up at her mother and oh, that face might even beat Fjords. The Traveller was right – this is fun!

Her mother takes a moment to collect herself and wow, Jester’s can’t recall ever seeing her this speechless, but just as Jester’s about to become worried, she gathers herself.

“Jester, you know I love you more than anything and please don’t take this the wrong way, but – what is going on?”

“Oh, you’ll never guess! This morning, I and Beau and Fjord and all the others woke up like this! Well, as children, anyway. Caduceus and Yasha are still kinda big, but I think they’re younger too. I think I’m the smallest and Veth is tiny, but I think that’s mostly because she’s a Halfling and the whole thing is just really strange! Oh, and also, Caleb wants you not to tell anyone, that’s really important.”

Her Mama, who’d just blinked through the beginning of her explanation, has apparently rallied herself by the end of it and seems to be back to her usual poise. 

“If you don’t want me to of course not, Jester. Is there... anything I could do to help?” Okay, maybe she still sounds just a teensy-weensy bit strained. But, Jester thinks, this is totally a lot to process!

In fact, she’s pretty sure the others are still busy processing it too, over in Yasha’s and Caduceus’ room.

Which reminds her... 

“Actually... Could you have some breakfast sent to our rooms? It’s just – we still need to like, figure out what exactly we’re going to do about this and we don’t want to go anywhere looking like this until then and also, we’re hungry. Especially Yasha. Her stomach went like...” Jester does her best to imitate the sounds and arm movements of the beast on Rumblecusp. It helps that her arms are really short now, too.

Her mother breaks into a peel of laughter and something relaxes in Jester’s chest. That’s exactly how her Mama should sound, always.

“My little Sapphire, I’m going to hug you now”, her Mama says, and then she does.

Jester hugs her back, her enthusiasm making up for her lack of reach.

Being a child again, she reflects, is not so bad after all.

*****

Being a child again, Veth concludes, is absolutely horrible.

For one, absolutely everything around her is varying shades of too big.

The clothes she borrowed from Luc are slightly too big. Fjord and Caleb are moderately too big. And Caduceus and Yasha are very, very much too big.

(Though, she grudgingly admits to herself, the overalls are a bit too big for Luc as well, so that one’s mostly on her.)

The only thing that isn’t too big – is, in fact, way too small – is Jester, and Jester’s yet to come back from her errand. 

Even Frumpkin seems absolutely enormous compared to her current size, making her wonder if everything seemed this large when she was a child the first time around.

She gives the cat a closer look, trying to remember. He’s currently perched on Caleb’s lap, who’s petting him as if he’s in a petting competition at the Harvest Close festival; it’s a good thing the familiar is so patient. If he can take Nott trying to eat him, he can survive a bit of power petting (and Veth doesn’t like thinking about that time, but really, Goblins have no self-control whatsoever!).

And that’s another thing she hates about this situation: The way it’s making all of her friends antsy and unhappy. Caleb’s the worst, all wound up almost as bad as he was when she first met him, but she can see it affecting the others as well. Beau hasn’t stopped looking ready to punch someone once (though to be fair, that’s not that unusual for Beau), and she’s even caught Fjord picking at his tusks again once or twice when he probably thought nobody was looking. She’s pretty sure he’d kicked that particular habit weeks ago.

Speaking of old habits, she could really kill for a drink right now but – oh, yes, that’s also not happening!

Being a child sucks _so bad_.

And to make it worse, none of them have the first idea what to do about it yet. Sure, they’ve contacted Essek, and after Jester had first left, both Caleb and Caduceus had tried every spell they could think of that might help, but so far, all their efforts have come to nothing.

Well, they’ll have to find something, because Veth has absolutely no intention of letting her family life be flipped on its head yet again. At least Luc had found the whole situation incredibly funny. Between this, the crossbow, and everything else, they’re going to end up raising him into an adult who is absolutely fearless. And while she’s so proud of him for that, a part of her is getting worried that she’s going to have to spend her twilight years traipsing after her grown son making sure he doesn’t throw himself at absolutely every danger he encounters, if for nothing else than her own peace of mind.

Maybe Yeza is right and she should ease off the crossbow training until he’s at least old enough to read.

While she’s pondering her son’s education, with half an ear she’s listening to the others argue whether they should contact anybody else, and if yes, whom.

Well, mostly Beau and Fjord keep suggesting people and Caleb keeps shooting those suggestions down. 

Yussa Errenis? Loyalties way too unsure, besides, he’d managed to get himself stuck in the Happy Fun Ball. Not even the Mighty Nein themselves had managed that.

Allura Vysoren? She won’t even tell them who is on the Tal'Dorei Council!

Orly? Yeah, even Fjord admits he’s grasping at straws with that one.

Just now, they’re having it out about the Cobalt Soul.

“...and think of all the books, Caleb! Books that could explain all of this!” Beau swings both of her arms around, indicating all of them. Despite her reduced reach, Fjord has to hastily duck out of the way to avoid being nailed in the stomach. “Hey, watch what you’re doing!”

“Whatever. The point is, I’m not going to sit around on my ass while I could be doing something other than twiddling my thumbs!”

“Beauregard, that’s not the point. Believe me, I would much prefer to have a proper avenue of research available, but we would have to tell at least someone at the Cobalt Soul what is going on to get into the Archives. And you have said it yourself in the past – you are not sure all of them can be trusted!”

“It’s still better than this!” Beau lets herself fall back onto one of the beds with a huff. Even Veth, who’s not really paying attention, can see that part of her agrees with Caleb.

Which, you know, Caleb is a very smart person, he’s the second smartest person Veth knows (will be the third smartest, once Luc is a little older), so that’s not a surprise. Veth herself is inclined to follow Caleb’s lead on this, at least for now.

Before the argument can start up again, there’s a sound at the door as if someone’s rattling the doorknob.

Instantly, Beau rolls off the side of the bed furthest from the door and peeks her head up from behind it. Caleb flinches, making Frumpkin yowl in protest at the rough handling (apparently, even his patience isn’t endless). Caduceus and Yasha go for their staff and sword respectively. Fjord instinctively summons Star Razor, and the weight of the adult-sized longsword makes him overbalances so badly he almost stumbles into the wall.

Ha, he’s so weak! 

Yes, this thing very obviously has all of them on edge.

Veth covertly unclenches her hands from the blankets and overtly rolls her eyes. “It’s probably Jester. Unless you think whoever did this is weak enough to lose a fight with the door?”

Gradually, the others relax. Caduceus, who out of all of them is the only one who could almost be mistaken for his usual self, goes to the door and slowly opens it just a bit. Jester scurries in, and everyone breaths a silent breath of relief.

On edge indeed.

“Guys, Mama is sending breakfast up soon, and she’s definitely not telling anybody, so there’s no need to worry! Also, I checked with the Traveller and it’s definitely not him and did you find anything?” Jester’s eyes are big and imploring and she looks impossibly cute. 

“You told the Traveller.” Beau’s voice is as dry as the fields during the summer drought.

“Uh, yeah? But you don’t need to worry, I totally used Commune so we know for sure it’s true!” Veth blinks. So it’s not just them she’s manipulating with the whole “small and cute” ploy. Good to know.

“I will contact the Wildmother as well, once things have settled down a bit. Though I am sure she already knows, she might have information that could help.” Caduceus’ voice is as deep and unhurried as ever.

Jester climbs up onto the bed and crawls forward to sit next to Veth again. “So you haven’t found anything new?”, she repeats, prompting a round of headshaking.

“So, um... what are we going to do?” Yasha’s taken a break from sneaking glances at the mirror behind her and sat down on the stool in front of the dresser instead.

Beau has pulled out her notebook and is looking at it again, lost in thought: “Well, we need a place where we can do research without anybody knowing us or knowing we’re there, and ideally it should also be a place where, if somebody is after us, they wouldn’t expect us to be.” 

Fjord turns to Caleb: “I know you think it’s a bad idea, but maybe if we stress the need for secrecy the Cobalt...”

“Rosohna!”

“What?” Everyone turns to Beau with various levels of puzzlement on their faces, but she’s adamant, standing there in her cutesy blue dress, a third or more shorter than she usually is. “Think about it! The Xhorhouse is nice and private, and all our neighbours already think we’re nuts. The person we’ve got the most contact with there is Essek, and he already knows. And nobody on this list could get there easily or without drawing suspicion, so unless the Bright Queen herself is after us, we’d be as safe as it gets. As far as research goes, we can probably pester Essek into loaning us his private library, maybe even get us some books from the Conservatory. It’s perfect!”

“That... could actually work. I could even teleport us directly into the Xhorhouse, I’ve been working on a new spell...” Caleb looks like even he can’t find a reason to reject her idea.

Veth herself isn’t sure she’s happy with leaving Nicrodranas, currently stunted family life or not. “I’m not running off without telling Yeza and Luc. That’s not negotiable.”

“Oh, I’m definitely not going without getting rid of this first.” Beau looks down at her dress in disgust. Veth herself thinks it’s quite nice, actually. 

And that’s the point where everyone starts talking at once, weighing in on whether or not there should be a pre-teleportation shopping trip and whether, in fact, there should actually be a teleportation to have a pre-teleportation shopping trip for.

A sudden knock on the door interrupts them. Everyone freezes.

Caduceus’ nose twitches. “Oh,” he says, “I think breakfast has arrived.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, I really lost a lot of my fondness for Essek when it was revealed he’d helped instigate the war. Consequently, I’ve come to the only sensible conclusion - I’m going to make him suffer through stones in his shoes and endless meetings! Ah, revenge on fictional characters can be so sweet :P
> 
> I _really_ wanted Essek to answer Jester along the lines of “Who are you and do your parents know what you are doing?” but alas, Sending just didn’t give me the wriggle room…
> 
> Apparently my muse is convinced that at least half of Jester’s mind consists of exclamation marks and run-on sentences. Well, could be worse. Also, Jester definitely was both the most adorable and the most annoying toddler ever.


	4. In which our characters take an unusual approach to the term “fashion risks”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And thus begins just your average family shopping trip...

Once they’ve negotiated getting the breakfast trolley inside without actually making any contact with whoever brought it, between the eating and the arguing (and, for some of them, both at the same time), breakfast is an even more rowdy affair than normal.

Yasha mostly focusses on silencing her protesting stomach, but she’s quietly pleased when they decide that yes, they are going back to Rosohna for now. She’s missed the Xhorhouse; it’s the first permanent home she can remember, and besides, she’s been wanting to check out that tavern down the street for ages. 

The matter of the shopping trip is harder to settle.

At first, Caleb tries to claim that it’s unnecessary for them to buy new clothes at all. That argument quickly falls apart when one of Fjord’s rolled-up sleeves unravels right as he reaches over the table for the breadbasket, cuff landing directly in the pot of tea Caduceus has just prepared and peppering the tablecloth with splashes. 

It’s not often that Yasha’s seen the Firbolg make a truly disappointed face. He's pretty good at it.

He’s now also firmly in favour of finding better-fitting clothes for his companions, which will hopefully prevent further tea-related – or other – mishaps, shifting majority opinion firmly in favour of the shopping trip.

After that, whenever Caleb tries to bring the point up again, Fjord just waves his arm, soaked sleeve dangling.

It never fails to make Jester break out in giggles, and Yasha’s fairly sure that’s as much the point as any warding off of further arguments.

Next is the question of if they’re going to shop before or after their planned relocation, but, as Beau quickly points out, they stand out in Rosohna enough as it is, and no Seeming in the world can Seeming away their accents. The war may be over, but a Zemnian kid running around the city will probably still raise more than a couple of eyebrows. So, yes, Nicodranas it is.

Which segues nicely into their third problem – how to disguise themselves when they’re out and about. It’s easy for Yasha and Caduceus and arguably, Jester, who don’t need new clothes, but for the others? If they want to get clothes that actually fit, they’ll need to keep their actual height and body shapes. Which means they won’t be able to pretend to be anything but children.

At this point, Yasha makes the mistake of tuning out the conversation for a moment (it’s not her fault the French Toast is so good!) and only tunes back in a couple of minutes later when the table – or rather the trolley – seems to have gone weirdly quiet.

“...totally work,” Jester is saying,” you guys, this is the best ruse ever!”, she’s very excited, even for Jester, and yeah, Yasha definitely missed something important.

She leans all the way down to Fjord, who has claimed a seat next to her on the bed and is currently engaged in rolling up his still-soggy sleeve. It’s more work than one might imagine - the half-dried tea is causing it to stick together like the pages of Caleb’s spellbook that one time Jester accidently got some honey in it.

Well, it was probably an accident.

At any rate, Jester was very sorry, though that might have had something to do with the way Caleb looked like a kicked puppy until she figured out she could undo the damage with Mending.

“Um, what is going on?” Yasha keeps her voice low while she watches Veth sneak the last of the bacon onto Caleb’s still pretty full plate. As soon as Veth’s back is turned, Beau sneaks it right off with an air of purpose, then suddenly gives it a cross look and returns it to the plate.

Very strange.

Caleb, of course, has noticed none of this and is instead apparently involved in some kind of staring contest with his teacup.

Before Yasha can find out who will win, Fjord leaves off fighting with his sleeve and looks up at her. “Apparently going as ourselves is too dangerous, so we’re going to pose as a tourist family who lost their luggage.”

“I... suppose that would explain to others why your current clothes don’t fit?” It doesn’t really explain the odd look he’s giving her, though.

“And you’re going to pose as the mom.”

Oh, yeah, now the odd look makes sense.

Fjord keeps talking, and Yasha finds she’s suddenly acquired five children and a husband over the course of one breakfast.

That... went faster than these things usually go, to say the least.

She shares a look with Caduceus – her designated husband – over the tray (and, incidentally, the heads of her ‘children’). Is it just her, or is that a glint of amusement in his eyes? She’s not sure whether that’s a good or a bad thing.

Either way, as soon the last piece of toast is eaten and the last puddle of tea mopped up, Caleb lines them all up in his sight and begins with the somatic gestures and incantation for Seeming. A soft tingle travels from Yasha’s head to her toes that she’s come to associate with that particular spell, and then it’s done. Yasha looks around and... well, there’s certainly a theme.

Jester snickers. “Cay-leb! How come we’re all blonde?”

“Yeah man, what’s up with that?” Beau has pulled her side bangs to the front of her face and is inspecting her new hair colour critically, the motion also unveiling her suddenly pointy ears. Yasha notes that both colour and ear shape seem to be common among them now, and a quick look in the mirror assures Yasha that she, too, hasn’t escaped.

Veth’s hair clashes horribly with the colour of her overalls, though then again, most things probably would.

Caduceus has changed the most, though, still as tall as ever but his grey fur replaced with the smooth skin and features of an Elf, and Jester’s and Fjord’s normally vibrant skintones have faded to match the rest of them, tusks and horns gone invisible. Apart from that, the changes are mostly cosmetic – a nose that’s a touch stubbier, a mouth that’s a bit larger, eyebrows that skewer up a bit more. Enough to make it unlikely for anyone to describe them in a way that would lead back to their actual selves, but not so much as to change their actual bodies to the point of getting in the way of their primary purpose of acquiring new clothes for these – hopefully temporary – bodies.

Caleb crosses his arms. “If anybody is out there looking for us, they’re not looking for anyone who is blonde, and emphasizing that we are supposed to be related by blood won’t hurt. Besides, if you’re unhappy with my choices, we can always scrap this expedition and just go to Rosohna directly.” Clearly, he’s still testy about the shopping trip.

“Might just make the difference if anybody is waiting to ambush us right outside...”, Fjord agrees and pointedly tucks his blonde hair, grown out over the time in Rumblecusp, behind his pointy ears.

“Whatever. Let’s go.” Without waiting for an answer, Beau puts her ear to the door, checks that the corridor is clear, and then she’s outside, the others scrambling to catch up. 

After a short stop at Jester’s mother’s rooms, just long enough to say their good mornings and for Jester to update her on their current plans (and to confirm to her that no, there’s currently no little halfling girl lost in the building, she can totally reassure the staff on that point), they’re off into the streets of Nicodranas.

Yasha is sure she’s not the only one who sees shadows shifting around every corner for the first few blocks, but nothing happens. 

Halfway to their first destination – a thrift shop Jester knows that should have everything they need – Jester turns to her: “Yasha, pick me up! These legs are so short it takes so much work to keep up with you and also, I can’t see anything from down here!”

Yasha smiles. “Of course, Jester.”

Jester in this form weighs less than nothing, and in the morning sunshine, her friends all around her and Jester on her shoulders, Yasha thinks this isn’t actually all that bad.

And if anybody should attack them, she’ll just make them regret it.

*****

Ever since they agreed to go to Rosohna, something has been niggling in the back of Beau’s mind. It feels as if she’s forgotten something important, like forgetting to properly put out the fireplace before you leave the house, and it’s extremely frustrating.

Then again, little about their current situation isn’t.

It's a good thing nobody’s actually tried to attack them yet, she muses, because it’s keeping her from bringing her a-game. 

Not to mention the fact she’s been forced to leave her staff at the Chateau for now. After all, little elven girls usually don’t carry around weapons that are twice their size when they’re on a family holiday. From the looks of it, she’s not the only one who’s been prevented from properly gearing up due to a sudden descent into infancy.

Yeah, if somebody tries to attack them now, they’re – well, not screwed, but it will certainly make things more difficult.

Beau scowls and kicks at the uneven cobblestones making up the street. She’s too short, she’s missing her staff, and every time her gaze falls on the ruffles of the blue monstrosity she’s wearing she wants to punch someone.

Preferably the person responsible for all of this.

To top it off, she couldn’t even take along some pocket bacon for the day because the thing _has_ no pockets!

Next to her, Caleb looks somehow stony-faced and about ready to jump out of his skin at any moment at the same time. He’s already had them all backtrack an entire block once for what turned out to be a fishmonger’s cart and yeah, she’s not the only one not having a good time.

It's times like this when becoming a better person turns out to be very inconvenient – not that long ago the thought of someone else feeling just as miserable as her would have actually made her feel better, but alas...

At least Jester is having fun. She’s claimed Yasha’s shoulders as a lookout and managed to get Veth to do the same with Caduceus. Officially, they’re both on lookout duty.

Unofficially, Beau’s pretty sure the game of “I spy” she’s roped Veth into under the guise of “playing their parts” is going to get out of hand soon if someone doesn’t intervene. 

Thankfully, before that can happen, they finally arrive at the place that, according to Jester, promises a release from the ruffled eyesore she’s stuck in. Beau thinks she’s never been so happy to see a dingy storefront in her life.

And it does look dingy. The exterior is made up of old wood that seems to once have been painted green but has since aged to the point where it doesn’t seem to remember anymore whether colour is something it believes in. There’s a large bay window to each side of the door, made up of dozens of panes of crown glass each, of which not an insignificant number are broken. At least that means she can see inside the shop, as the rest are so dirty they’re not much help in that respect.

There’s a sign above the door, dangling precariously on the one hinge that’s still functional, proclaiming they’re about to enter the “Savings By The Sea“. If Beau squints, she can only just make out that underneath “Savings”, there’s the words “Treasures” painted over. Beau wonders what prompted that particular change.

All in all, she’s not impressed.

Jester pulls at Yasha’s tunic to be let down, Caduceus lowers Veth, and for a moment they just stare. “I, uh, expected something more...” Fjord seems to run out of adjectives mid-sentence. He scratches the back of his neck with one hand and looks at the display before them doubtfully.

“Oh, you’ll love it! Besides, they have lots of clothes, we’ll find something that fits you for sure. And there’s lots of other stuff too!” Jester, not cowed by their collective lack of enthusiasm, gives the door a mighty shove. 

It barely even budges.

Jester huffs and gears up to try again, but before it comes to that, Caduceus is there. “Maybe the, uh, adults, should go in first?” He enters, setting a bell to ringing and holding the door open for the rest of them. 

Beau gives him a suspicious look as she walks by. There’s something in his voice that she can’t put her finger on. Is he enjoying this?

Before she can comment, there’s a shout from somewhere further in: “Jacob, is that you?”

Beau turns her attention to the interior of the shop. It’s almost as much of a mess as the outside. There’s tables and tables stacked with all sorts of merchandise, from fabrics to kitchenware to tools to other knickknacks, all jumbled together, with more stacks of random objects under the tables. There are also some bigger pieces of furniture and – is that a person-sized statue of a fish? What the actual fuck – liberally scattered between the tables, giving the whole place an even more cluttered look. To add to the confusion, there’s even some displays hanging from hooks on the ceiling. Beau wonders when the last time somebody took inventory here was.

“Really, Jacob, I thought... Oh, it’s new customers. Hi there!” A young dwarven woman pushing her way through the topsy-turvy towers of wares, setting not a few of them to swaying. Miraculously, all of them remain standing. Of course, young for a dwarven woman means she’s probably still older than all of them combined, including Caduceus. And that’s not counting their current predicament. 

Her theory that this place hasn’t seen a proper inventory in at least a century just became more likely.

The woman has shoulder-length brown hair, a meticulously kept beard that reaches down to her bellybutton and is wearing a red tunic with silver embroidery that Beau doubts has come from one of the ramshackle stacks surrounding them. Her entire appearance seems way to well put together for this place, but her behaviour suggests she feels right at home. For a moment, Beau is reminded of Keg – the fighter would probably not even be caught dead in such an outfit – and the thought makes the corners of her lips quirk up. 

And straight down again when she remembers that, as she is now, she wouldn’t be caught dead by Keg.

As if to emphasize the impression that this is her natural habitat, the dwarf steadies the last still-swaying stack with one hand without even looking. She smiles, and her eyes glide over all of them before finally coming to rest on Caduceus and Yasha. “Hello again! I’m Fongrid, and this is my shop. You’re very welcome to explore, though I’d recommend keeping an eye on the little ones – the place can be a bit, uh, hazardous to navigate for the unwary.” She seems to indicate Veth and Jester in particular, and yeah, Jester’s currently looking at an impressively big pile of pewter plates and cups interspersed with swatches of fabric that’s taller than her. Impressive in this case meaning that Beau’s not sure how that particular combination came about.

And there Jester goes poking at it. 

Of course she does.

There’s a moment where everything is quiet, just long enough for everyone to hold their breath and hope everything’s going to be fine, before – Crash! – the entire pile comes cascading down. Fjord jumps in at the last second, barely managing to snag Jester around the middle and lift her up before she’s buried underneath a heap of metal. Beau winces when a couple of plates ping off Fjord’s shins and he grunts. That must have hurt.

“Oops! I’m so sorry!” As soon as Fjord has set her down on safe ground again, Jester turns to the shopkeeper – Fongrid, her name was Fongrid – with wide eyes. “So, so sorry!”

Damn she’s god at this contrite little kid shit – her lower lip even has a little wobble!

As Jester undoubtedly intended, Fongrid, who’d started to look a bit less friendly with every metallic-sounding pang of another piece of pewter tableware hitting the floor, melts immediately at the onslaught of so much adorableness.

Maybe they will be fine after all, if they just find a way to weaponize Jester’s power of concentrated cuteness.

“That’s fine, sweetie, just... you be careful now, ok?” Fongrid looks over to the two “adults” in the group again with a beseeching look, and oh, it’s even more aggravating to have somebody talk over your head when they’re _literally_ talking over your head. 

Yasha blinks. “Um. Yes, Jester. Why don’t you stay with me now?” A pained noise emits from Caleb, and, yeah – they never established any fake names for cover, did they? Probably should have thought of that before coming here.

“You must forgive the children. We’ve only just arrived in the city and this is all very new to them.” Caduceus is his usual disarming self, and if Beau didn’t know any better, she’d probably believe him.

Beau does know better, however, and the fact that she even has to participate in this ruse at all is deeply grating.

Besides, she doesn’t trust the glint in his eyes.

“Very, very new. Super impressive. So, you got any children’s clothes around here?” Caleb gives her an exasperated look behind Fongrid’s back, but she’s here for a reason, and it’s not to play nice with a shopkeeper who’ll likely have forgotten they exist in half an hour.

Then again, by the looks of this place, they probably don’t get that much walk-in traffic, so maybe not.

Either way, her priority right now is to find a proper pair of trousers and remove any signs of ruffles from her person. Caleb can just deal with that.

Caduceus jumps into the breach – not without earning another wince from Caleb, Beau notes: “What Beau here is trying to say is we had a bit of a mishap on the road and would very much appreciate if you have anything that would be more appropriate size-wise?” He indicates the rest of them. Fongrid’s gaze follows, lingering on the boys and Veth’s hideous overalls in particular.

“I’m sure we’ll find something. The junior section is back this way.” Without waiting for an answer, she turns around and leads the way deeper into the chaos, pausing only long enough to make sure they’re behind her.

Beau snorts at the notion of this place having actual, recognizable sections, but follows regardless. She’s got to hurry to keep up – this place is a maze, and furthermore, it’s enormous.

Or maybe it’s just that she’s barely tall enough to see over the tabletops, even if they weren’t crammed full of junk.

As it is, she trails Fongrid to what she can only imagine is the back of the shop, taking a left around the creepy fish statue – seriously, what the hell? – and a table stacked with boxes full of knitting and sewing supplies that has an unorderly heap of brooms beneath it. There’s cursing in Zemnian behind her and – yep, Caleb’s run afoul of one of the knitting needles poking out of the disaster box area. Beau winces in sympathy.

Next, they squeeze between two tables that seem to feature, among other things, an eclectic mix of gardening implements, porcelain figurines and what seems to be tubs of old horseshoes.

There’s a bang and another grunt of pain behind her, and it seems Caduceus has made a closer acquaintance with a set of pots hanging from the ceiling than he desired.

Forget being attacked, at this rate the "Savings By The Sea" is going to do them in.

Also, if this place has actual sections, not only is Beau going to keep the ruffles, but she’ll also sow them on her Cobalt Soul uniform later.

They finally stop in an area containing several lidless wooden chests stuffed to overflowing with clothes. 

“So, there should be lots of kids’ stuff in this one... this one... possibly in that one over there... you know what, just try all of them? It’s a bit hard to keep track of everything in a shop this size sometimes.”

“You mean a dump this size...” Sometimes, Beau might curse her mouth’s tendency to speak before her brain has caught up, but this time? It’s totally warranted.

Caduceus’ big hand lands lightly on her shoulder. “Forgive my daughter. We’ve just travelled a long way and she’s a bit overtired.” He’s not looking down at her, just giving Fongrid an apologetic smile with his fake Elven face, but the way he says it...

Yeah, he’s totally enjoying this, the bastard. Lucky for him, she’s got bigger fish to fry at the moment.

Or will, once they find them at least.

Fongrid’s answering smile is a bit more pained. “Well, at any rate, I’ll be over there – if you need me, just give a shout!” And just like that, Fongrid is off into the unknown again, visible only to people taller than their surroundings. Certainly not to Beau.

“Beau’s right - how could anyone find anything in here?” Fjord grouses, still rubbing his shin, and yeah, he’s got a point.

“Come on, guys! All this stuff just means we’ve got way more options to choose from!” Well, Jester’s certainly her usual perky self, though at the moment, rather than looking at the chests, she’s looking back into the thicket of tables they just escaped. Beau follows her line of sight.

Half obscured by her surroundings, there’s the tiny form of Veth, still at the table full of assorted arts and crafts supplies, staring at the swatches of fabrics, buttons, pieces of tailor’s chalk and innumerable other little odds and ends, all mixed wildly together. She’s finally lost the pinched, unhappy look she had for most of the morning and looks almost... reverent?

A new suspicion kindles in Beau’s mind, joining the niggling that’s been there since breakfast that still won’t go away. After all, Jester had chosen this shop, they could have just gone straight to somewhere more civilised, but...

When she turns back to comment, Jester’s already head-to-hip deep in one of the chests, feet kicking upwards and Yasha hovering nervously behind her like a parent watching their kid’s first attempts at swimming.

Beau’s not entirely sure if that’s a conscious part of their ruse or if she’s actually worried Jester will get lost in there. Considering the small size Jester currently is compared to the big size of the chest, it wouldn’t be an entirely unfounded fear.

Fjord and Caleb have started digging their way through one of the chests as well, starting at the other end of the display area, and Beau’s left there wondering what she’s still waiting for.

She tells the niggling in her mind to take a hike and dives in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all know Caduceus is a prankster at heart when it comes to family. This is just the logical consequence!


	5. In which our characters complete their shopping and move along home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...and thus, among teeth-rotting fluff both figuratively and literally, concludes your average family shopping trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> German translations are at the end of the chapter.

It only takes about half an hour for Veth to conclude that this is definitely the best shop ever. Well, apart from the one she and Yeza used to own, but really, what shop can compete with that?

There’s buttons and shiny things and odds and ends galore, and she could probably spend hours going through this place looking for prime pieces for her various collections.

It’s unfortunate the others don’t seem to share her opinion.

This is why, eventually, she leaves off looking at the various displays in favour of joining them in the clothes section.

Well, the main reason. The other reason is that being the height of her son makes it surprisingly hard to even see most of the stuff that’s on display, much less reach it. She’s used to navigating spaces meant for people taller than her – most places she’s been to since leaving Felderwin, be they in the Empire, the Dynasty, or the Menagerie Coast, are geared more towards tall folk, and Halflings like her just have to make do – but not quit this much taller.

Though when it comes to being small, having a bed twice as large as strictly necessary should probably count as a perk – her and Yeza have certainly profited from that in the past, and she’s fully planning on profiting from it again in the future, once they’ve solved the little problem of her being, oh, a literal child as far as appearances are concerned. The sooner they finish here, the sooner that will come to pass.

Besides, these are Luc’s overalls, wearing them just feels wrong.

She climbs her way into one of the chests full of clothes – Jester’s certainly got the correct idea there – and starts sifting through the various shirts, trousers, dresses and the occasional dishtowel. 

By the time she finds something she likes, both Caleb and Fjord have long finished collecting a basic set of fitting trousers, shirt and coat each and wandered off to who-knows-where. Veth’s choice is a pale lavender dress with lavender and rose-coloured fabric flowers with different-coloured buttons for centres sown on in pretty patterns. It looks to be the right size – possibly meant for an elven or human toddler, but Veth is not picky about that. It’s got puffy sleeves and a puffy skirt and she is _in love_. 

Definitely the best shop ever.

She climbs out of the chest again, taking care not to snag the dress on anything, and changes behind one of the chests. It fits perfectly, and Veth can’t help preening a bit when Yasha actually coos when she sees her. Jester claps her hands together in delight. 

“Veth, you look so pretty! It suits you so well!” She flashes her customary cheerful smile, and Veth find herself smiling back just as widely without even trying. The day seems much brighter than it did even just an hour ago.

Beau, on the other hand, recoils. 

“Oh wow, that’s very... puffy. And flowery. Definitely very flowery.” Coming from Beau, that’s as much an endorsement as Jester’s approving words, Veth supposes.

Beau then goes back to hunting through one of the chests, mumbling something about “...should definitely weaponize that...” under her breath.

Before Veth can wonder what that is about, Jester grabs her arm and pulls her away. 

“Come on, let’s go look for shoes!” 

And yeah, that’s a good idea – Luc’s shoes are definitely too small for her. She could barely squeeze her feet inside this morning, and they pinch horribly.

She lets herself be dragged to a pile of shoes, belts and purses all mixed together in a corner behind the last of the chests and watches Jester dive in. It’s only then that something occurs to her. “Why were you looking at the clothes earlier? You’ve got your own dress from the Lavish Chateau!”

Jester pops back up out of the pile, a red snow boot that would fit someone the size of Caduceus on each side of her head. “That? Oh, I was looking for ugly clothes and drawing stuff on them to make them more interesting! Well, mostly dicks but other stuff too. It’ll be a nice surprise for whoever buys them!” She laughs and goes back to shoe hunting.

Veth shrugs – that checks out. She’s almost tempted to go back and have a look.

But, she reminds herself, they’ve got things to do, so she turns back to the shoe-and-sundry pile. It doesn’t take her too long to find a pair of pale blue ankle boots that, this time, she’s positive are meant for a toddler of one of the larger folks. They go very well with the lavender of her new dress and don’t pinch at all.

Veth is just about to show them to Jester when the Tiefling lets out a shriek. 

Veth’s hands go to her crossbow – or to where her crossbow should be, damnit – but thankfully, it turns out to be a shriek of joy rather than a shriek of distress.

Yasha, who is just a few feet away, looking at a display of hats hung on hooks dangling from the ceiling, turns to them, hand already going for the hilt of her sword. “Jester, are you alright?” 

Jester isn’t even listening. “Guys, look at these! Aren’t they great?” She’s holding up a pair of white ankle boots almost identical to those Veth has chosen for herself, only that there are four wheels stuck to the bottom of the soles. “I’ve got to try them right now! I bet they’ll be so much fun!”

As she sits down and begins lacing up the odd wheeled shoes, one by one, the others come running. First Caduceus and Beau, one leg in one half of a grey leggings, the other leg of the leggings trailing behind her, then Fjord and finally Caleb, wide-eyed and already forming the signs for Firebolt.

“Oops”, Jester actually has the grace to look embarrassed, “sorry, everyone! I didn’t mean to scare you; I just found these super fun shoes and I was so excited!” She wriggles her legs, showcasing what she’s talking about.

“Ja, Jester, that is very exciting, but could you bitte – please not scream like that? I thought you were being attacked!” Caleb must be truly upset to be lapsing into Zemnian like that, and Veth suddenly feels a lot less disposed to forgive Jester for scaring them.

Until she looks back to her. She really does look awfully cute.

For some reason, the phrase “butter wouldn’t melt” pops into Veth’s mind.

“Well, try them!” Beau’s finished wriggling fully into the leggings and is looking far too interested in Jester’s discovery. Apart from the leggings, she’s changed out of the dress and is now wearing a blue tank top, the colour fitting the turquoise embroidery around the bottoms of the leggings’ legs. What seems to be a black leather jacket with silver studs is tied around her waist.

Jester heaves herself up by holding on to Yasha’s legs and makes a step forward – only for her other leg to slide out from underneath her and deposit her firmly back down on her butt.

“Oof. This is hard!”

Yasha picks her up to try again, this time keeping a firm hand on the back of Jester’s dress, but before anything can happen, Fongrid arrives on the scene, looking almost as alarmed as Caleb had.

“Is everything alright? I heard one of the children scream...”

Everyone just stares at her for a moment. 

At least Veth is not the only one who’s completely forgotten the woman.

Fjord is the first to rally himself. “Umm, everything’s fine. My... uh, my sister was just trying these shoes with wheels on the bottom...”

They all look towards Jester, who’s now holding on to Yasha’s hands and carefully rolling around in small circles.

Caduceus clears his throat. “Yes. Very sorry about that. Though I believe we are almost done?” 

“This is great! I’m definitely taking these!” Jester exclaims enthusiastically, rolling towards Fjord and letting him catch her, and Veth aims a speculative look back at the heap the wheeled shoes had come from. 

She’s sure Luc would love to have some too.

“Yes, they’re certainly one of a kind – I didn’t even realize we still had them.”

Or not. (Is she imagining it or does Beau look disappointed?)

“Though, I think your father and mother should decide that?” Fongrid shifts her gaze to Yasha and Caduceus.

Jester doesn’t miss even a beat. “Oh, mommy, daddy, please, please can I have them! They’re super great!” She even tries to jump up and down a bit in a show of enthusiasm but has to quickly grab on to Fjord’s new shirt when it turns out that’s not a good idea while wearing wheels on her feet. 

“Of course, sweetheart, if you want. Anything else you children would like to have besides the clothes?” There’s a weird note of merriment in his voice, and Veth finds herself narrowing her eyes at him. Across from her, Beau does the same.

Veth is definitely not asking Caduceus for permission to take the handful of buttons she picked out for her collection earlier.

Nor is she planning on asking Fongrid, but that’s neither here nor there. 

“Father, may I please have this?” Caleb’s tone is bone dry as he holds up a small cat figurine, and Beau goes straight from glaring in suspicion to rolling her eyes. 

In response, Veth shifts her glare from Caduceus to Beau. How dare someone who doesn’t even have the taste to appreciate puffy dresses roll their eyes at her boy!

“Um, I’ll have this hat, uh, husband.” Yasha announces after a moment, unhooking said hat from the display she’d been studying earlier. It’s sunflower yellow, with a broad brim and a pale blue band around the base which holds a couple of cloth sunflowers matching the hat’s colour. Veth thinks it looks very nice.

“Well, then that’s settled.” Caduceus looks satisfied as he turns back to Fongrid. “That’s clothes for the boys, Beau and Veth, shoes for all of the children, the cat and the hat.”

Beau scrambles to pick out shoes for herself – Fjord and Caleb having apparently gotten that done earlier while Veth was still looking for a dress - while Fongrid works out how much that’ll be and the rest of them make sure they’ve got everything they came in. Soon they’re on their way out, Jester letting herself be towed by hanging on to the back of Caduceus’ coat.

When they step outside, the sun is already pretty far up. All in all, it’s a pretty nice day.

And that’s when Veth remembers that their next stop will be Luc and Yeza

*****

Luc’s crouched outside the building where he lives with Dad, using a big stick he found in the courtyard to poke around in the grid covering the sewer drain because the spinning top Mom gave to him yesterday spun its way straight down into the stupid drain and now he just can’t get it out.

It’s a really nice spinning top too, with colours that run all together the faster it spins, and he’d been looking forward to showing it to his friends. But to do that, he needs to get it out of the gutter first.

It’s all Dad’s fault anyway! This wouldn’t have happened if Luc had just been allowed to take out the crossbow, like he’d wanted to. Last week he took it outside with him and he and his friends ended up practising their aim behind the fishmonger’s, where the empty barrels are stacked. Luc can hit whichever barrel he chooses every time, no problem at all, he’s almost as good as Mom!

But Dialie had instead hit the table with the fresh fish from that morning – even though it was _really_ far away - and fish had flown everywhere. It had been so funny! He and Yenbin and even Dialie had laughed a lot, but fishmonger Hagas hadn’t laughed at all and Dad hadn’t laughed either when fishmonger Hagas told him. And now Luc isn’t allowed to show his crossbow around anymore. 

It's so unfair! It’s not his fault Dialie can’t aim, and also, Mom says you can only get better if you practise and how can Dialie practise when he isn’t allowed to bring his crossbow?

Luc’s still stewing in the injustice of it all, spinning top forgotten, when a girl zips past him.

She’s so fast it makes his hair blow into his eyes and when he turns around to look at her she’s got _wheels on her shoes_.

That’s so cool!

Luc’s still staring after her, mouth and eyes both wide open, when she swings back around. “Hey Luc! Look how fast I am!”

That’s strange. The only Elves he knows are Yenbin’s family, and she’s definitely not one of them.

“Do I know you?”

The girl laughs. “Of course you know me, it’s me, Jester!”

She rolls around him on her funny wheeled shoes, and he almost makes himself dizzy trying to follow the movement. She’s just a bit taller than him, definitely not all grown up like Moms friend Jester, and that’s the only Jester he knows. “You’re not Jester. Jester’s blue. And also much bigger!”

The girl who’s definitely not Jester comes to a stop. “Yes, usually I am, but today I’m not!” She smiles at him and... it does sort of look like Mom’s friend’s smile? Mom’s friend Jester smiles an awful lot and she’s very funny. She’s also always saying words Dad doesn’t want him to hear.

Of course, that means he remembers those words extra hard so he can share them with Dialie and Yenbin later.

He likes Jester.

Suddenly he has an idea.

“Wait... Mom woke up all small like me today. Did that happen to you too? Only that you woke up all small and an Elf?” That sort of makes sense? Mom always tells him the coolest stories about all the monsters she’s killed and the kingdoms she’s saved with her friends, maybe it’s like that? Even if this story isn’t half as cool as stories with monsters and kings and queens.

Jester’s smile grows even wider. “That’s almost true! I did wake up all small, but the rest of this”, she twirls once around on her shoes - he wants shoes like that _so bad!_ \- then moves her face closer to his, almost as if she’s telling him a secret, “is a disguise! A cunning disguise so the bad people can’t find us!”

“The bad people?” Maybe this is one of the cool stories after all!

“Jester, stop scaring my son!” That’s Mom’s voice from behind him, and he turns around, happy that she’s here. But also, he can’t let that accusation stand. 

“Mom, I’m not scared! If there’s bad people, I can help protect everybody with my crossbow! I...” He stops. There’s more blonde Elves behind him, definitely not Mom, not even the small version of Mom he met this morning.

The smallest of the Elves steps forward, and Luc thinks for a bit and comes to the conclusion that it only makes sense – if they’re in disguise to hide from bad people, Mom would be in disguise too.

“I’m super good with, I can help catch bad people! Oh, oh, if I help, can I get a disguise too!” Dialie and Yenbin will be so jealous!

The smallest Elf looks cross, and yes, that’s definitely Mom. She looks exactly like that when she tells him he can’t have a second helping of dessert before lunch. (Dad wouldn’t even have allowed him the first helping, but Mom always says yes, so he makes sure to ask her first.)

“You’re too small to be fighting bad people yet. Now, I need to go talk to your Dad, so you stay here and be a good boy.”

Before he can even protest that he’s almost as tall as her right now and also, he’s _always_ a good boy, really, that thing with fishmonger Hagas was just an _accident_ , she’s kissed him on the forehead and disappeared up the stairs. It’s kind of weird, now that she doesn’t even look like Mom anymore.

He and the other Elves stand around looking at each other for a while. Luc’s pretty sure they’re all really Mom’s friends, and it’s almost like a puzzle to work out who is who. There’s the two tall ones – now that is easy, unless some of them have grown taller instead of shorter? –, and he already knows who Jester is, and he supposes the other girl is Mom’s friend Beau, but the two older boys look kind of similar.

Then again... the one on the left looks kind of sad, the way Mom’s best friend Caleb sometimes does, when he thinks nobody is watching him or when he isn’t showing Luc some cool magic. He knows a lot of cool magic, and he even lets Luc help with it sometimes!

Luc likes Caleb.

Luc likes all of Mom’s friends, really. They have the best stories, and they go on the best adventures, and all in all, he’s got the best Mom and she has the best friends! (Of course, his Dad is the best Dad too – he didn’t even scold him all that much after the fish thing even though fishmonger Hallas was really angry! – but slaying monsters is just that tiny bit cooler, Luc has to admit begrudgingly.)

Anyway, the one on the left is sad, and Caleb is sad sometimes. Mom says it’s because bad people hurt him, and Luc can understand. Luc was sad a lot too when bad people took Mom away and then they took Dad away and he only had old Edith and she wouldn’t even tell him when they were coming back. 

Maybe he isn’t ready to fight the bad people just yet after all. Maybe he’ll wait until he’s just a bit older.

“Um, so, what were you up to?”, the boy on the right asks, and yes, he doesn’t sound like Caleb at all and sounds very much like Fjord, so Luc was right! (Well, he sounds like Fjord, except for the kid voice, but it still counts.)

The question makes Luc remember his gutter problem.

“I was trying to get my new spinning top out of there!” For good measure, he takes up his stick again, ready to poke some more, when the tall Elf lady – really Mom’s friend Yasha, Luc is sure – moves forward. “Let me...”

She takes hold of the bars of the grid covering the drain and lifts it up as if it weren’t even heavy at all. Luc is so impressed!

Mom definitely has the best friends.

“You’re so strong!” Luc looks up at Yasha with stars in his eyes while Caduceus, Mom’s tallest friend, reaches his long arm into the gutter and pulls out the spinning top. And a good thing, too – it smells pretty bad in there, and Luc probably would have had to crawl in all the way to get at it. Plus, Dad probably wouldn’t have been very happy if he’d come home all covered in muck.

Mom probably wouldn’t have minded so much.

But then, she’s not the one who washes his clothes.

“That’s a nice spinning top”, Caduceus tells him as he hands the toy back, and Luc nods enthusiastically. “It is! And it’s got the best colours! Look!” He sets it on the floor and starts it going to show them. While that is going on, Jester starts rolling around them all in lazy circles. Soon Luc is looking at Jester more than at the spinning top.

Those shoes are so cool!

Jester notices him staring and comes to a stop in front of him. “Do you want to try?”

Spinning top forgotten, Luc’s face lights up. “Oh, yes, please!”

“Jessie, I don’t know if that’s a good idea...”, one of Mom’s friends starts objecting, but Jester’s already plopped down onto the floor and started taking off the shoes. She even helps him tie the laces extra tight to make up for the fact that the shoes are a bit too large for him. 

The first time Luc tries to get up, his feet slip out from under him and he falls right back down again. “Don’t worry, that happened to me too!”, Jester giggles once she’s made sure he’s okay.

Soon, he’s up again, this time with Fjord holding on to one of his arms and Caleb holding on to the other, and they’re carefully leading him down the street and then turning around, and the wheely shoes are even more awesome than Luc imagined!

On the way back he even manages to roll a bit all by himself, and they’re just coming back up to the rest of Mom’s friends when Mom herself comes back out of the building. “Mom! Look at me! I’m so fast!” He speeds up and tries to twirl around like Jester, but instead he stumbles and bumps into Beau.

“Hey, careful!” She steadies him, but he doesn’t really pay attention to her, eyes only for his Mom. “Did you see that? I almost went all the way around! These shoes are so cool, can I have some too? Oh, please say yes!”

She doesn’t immediately answer, and Luc notices she’s carrying his crossbow. That’s odd – didn’t she say he wasn’t allowed to help them? 

“Mom?”

She smiles, and Mom smiling at him always makes him feel good. He smiles back. Then she opens her mouth to speak.

“Luc, I need to ask a favour of you – can you lend me your crossbow for a bit?”

Luc frowns. “But it’s mine! You gave it to me.” It’ unfair of her to take it away again! Besides, how is he going to protect Dad?

She looks kind of sorry when she speaks next.

“I know, darling, but remember the bad guys Jester told you about? We might need to fight them, and that will be much easier with this. And I’ll give it right back to you immediately after!”

Luc mulls that over. It would be cool if Mom defeated the bad guys using _his_ crossbow... “Promise?”

“Promise!” She gives him a hug, and Luc decides that yes, it’s definitely worth it. There’s only one thing...

“But Mom?” She takes a step back and looks at him apprehensively, the way Dad looked at him when he came back covered in jam and pieces of cake after he and his friends had gotten into a food fight at Dialie’s birthday party. “Yes, Luc?” He looks at the dress she’s wearing. Luc thinks it’s pretty, especially the buttons. “Can I have my yellow overalls back?” There’s a snort behind him and Mom glares over his shoulder for a bit before answering. “Sure, I already gave them to your Dad. Your shoes too.”

“Oh, that’s alright then.” 

And it is, and Luc would be happy, except – it seems Mom and her friends will be leaving now. 

And that means giving back the wheely shoes.

He really doesn’t want to give back the wheely shoes. They’re so much fun!

“Can I get shoes like this too? After you’ve beat up the bad guys?” He really hopes so!

Suddenly, Jester’s arm is around his shoulders. “You know what, just because you’re such a very good, very generous boy, I’m going to let you have my shoes-with-wheels. Wheel shoes. Roller shoes? We really need a better name. But anyway, they’re a gift!” 

Luc whoops, forgetting to pay attention to his feet, and only the fact that Jester’s still got her arm around him saves him from tumbling to the pavement.

But that’s alright. He’ll get the hang of these shoes yet!

*****

Jester puts her old shoes back on while Veth runs up once more to warn Yeza of Luc’s new acquisition.

Fjord’s not entirely sure it’s a good idea to just hand those things over to the boy – Jester was having trouble with them earlier and she’s an adult, even if she doesn’t look it at the moment – but he’d looked so happy that Fjord doesn’t think any of them have the heart to object. Fjord certainly hasn’t, and besides, it’s Veth’s business – he’s her son, after all.

Soon Veth has said her goodbyes and they’re on the way back to the Lavish Chateau, both Veth and Beau secretly throwing wistful glances back. Beau’s are clearly for the wheeled shoes, which Fjord is pretty sure she’s coveted since Jester had first called dibs. Jester, on the other hand, seems to have recovered from the loss quickly.

It’s clear that, after the hour or so they spent digging through the “Savings By The Sea”’s merchandise – and Fjord’s still not sure why they had to go there instead of to a more respectable store – they’re all more relaxed, the tension that had accompanied them on the first leg of their morning sojourn bled out and replaced with a more business-like kind of alertness. They’re still all scanning the streets around them, walking in a kind of loose formation that comes natural to them after working and living together for so long, but at least Caleb has stopped trying to herd them into a side street every time somebody appears to be looking at them too long.

Jester’s even happily skipping down the street in front of them, leading the way, and if Fjord didn’t know any better, there’s no way he’d mistake her for anything but a little girl. 

He’s pretty sure she’s doing it on purpose.

Suddenly, Jester stops and points to something off to the side.

“Mama! Papa! Look!” Oh yes – she’s definitely playing into the act.

“Yes, darling?” 

And there’s the other suspect. Really, just because Caduceus doesn’t run the risk of being asked why he isn’t in school right now doesn’t mean he should _relish_ in it so much. (And no, he isn’t jealous at all.)

Fjord turns his head to look where Jester is pointing, and – there’s a pastry shop. 

Figures.

Beside him, Veth lowers the crossbow she borrowed from Luc. So much for being more relaxed.

“I’m gonna go buy some pastries!” Jester doesn’t even wait for Caduceus to continue the charade; she just waltzes right into the shop. After she’s gone, the rest of them just stand there for a moment before shrugging at each other and following. It seems Jester is always a force unto herself, even when she’s pint-sized. Not that that’s particularly surprising.

Inside, Jester’s plastered herself to the display case, standing on her tiptoes in order to try and get a better look. Yasha lifts her up a little to help her see better, and Jester’s eyes grow wide when she sees the various sugared goods laid out on a white and blue checkered cloth. The air smells of cinnamon, and there’s bear claws, cupcakes, puff pastries with different fillings and various fruit pies sold by the piece. Everything looks delicious. Fjord’s mouth waters.

For a moment, he wonders at himself – how can he be hungry when they just had breakfast? – before his stomach gives a tug and he remembers. Of course. Growing boy. 

He didn’t miss that part at all.

“I want ten of the bear claws and ten of the cupcakes, and, oh, a dozen puff pastries and three pieces of every kind pie. No, make it fifteen bear claws, we need to save some for Essek!”

Fjord’s pretty sure that at this rate, once they’ve put everything they’ve bought in a bag, it’s going to be heavier than Jester herself.

By now, they’ve all squeezed into the narrow strip of shop between the door and the counter. Behind the counter is a teenage Human, black hair up in a messy bun, just now pulling his nose out of a book and clearly feeling put upon by having to actually tend to the customers who entered his shop.

Fjord knows Caleb is feeling better when he actually takes the time to wince when the teenager simply dog-ears the book before putting it to the side instead of marking his place properly.

“What can I get you?” Yes, with that tone of voice he’d definitely rather be reading that book. Though luck for him.

“She just told you.” Really, does it cost him anything to be nice?

“I generally don’t make a habit of following the orders of three-year-olds.” He even has the nerve to sound snooty about it. Fjord’s growing steadily less impressed with this establishment’s customer service.

“Well, you’ll follow this three-year-old's order.” Caleb’s smiling, but it’s not his real smile – rare as they are – but instead the smile Fjord’s seen him wearing before he incinerates whatever monster they’ve crossed paths with this time. The others don’t look much more appreciative.

At least they’re all on the same page.

“I suggest you do as my children say.” And really, is this still the time for that? Though, to be fair, underneath Caduceus’ customary mildness there’s a certain edge to his voice.

The teenager snorts. “You don’t even sound like they’re all your children.” Oh, that’s... that’s actually not good. They should probably have planned for something like this.

“Adopted!”, Fjord claims – the first thing that pops into his mind – just as Beau blurts out, “Different fathers!” 

Yes, they should definitely have been better at planning ahead.

Next to Fjord, Caleb lets his head fall into his hands and groans. 

The teenager looks between the three of them and clearly decides that it’s not worth it. “Whatever”, he mumbles and starts filling up one, two, no, several bags with Jester’s order. 

At least he’s got a good memory.

Halfway through the process, an older man ducks through a curtain presumably leading to the back of the shop. It takes him just a second to read the atmosphere in the room. He sighs. “Andres, I don’t even want to know what you said, just finish packing that up and I’ll wrap up with the customers, yes?”

To his credit, the boy doesn’t protest, just does as he’s told before disappearing behind the curtain.

Fjord does notice that he takes his book along, though.

“Sorry about that. My sister’s son. She insists he get some work experience before apprenticing.” Probably not a bad call considering that attitude, though Fjord’s not certain how much it will help.

“That’s alright. Youth can be... challenging, sometimes.” If Caduceus doesn’t stop that soon, Fjord might be tempted to give him a piece of his mind. 

Though, considering the sheer power in Beau’s glare, he might have to get in line.

The rest of the purchase goes much smoother and soon they’re outside again, Jester happily munching on a puff pastry. 

“You want some of this Fjord? It’s really good!” She starts ripping what’s left of the pastry in half, strawberry jam smeared all over her hands and around her mouth.

It’s adorable.

“Sure, thanks, Jester.” He takes a bite – Jester was right. It is, actually, really good. Once he’s done and licking the last of the jam off his fingers, he turns back to Jester. “Does it bother you, how he treated you?” He better not have hurt her...

Far from looking sad, Jester just snorts. “No way. Besides, I got him back – while the rest of you were busy paying, I drew lots of dicks underneath the counter with Andres next to them. It’s so much easier to be sneaky when the adults have to look down to see me!”

Yes, pint-sized Jester is indeed a menace. He was wrong to ever doubt her.

It doesn’t take long for them to get back to the Lavish Chateau, and then it’s just a matter of packing up their various belongings and making sure they’re not leaving anything behind. Yasha, much to Jester’s chagrin, has to take over carrying the pink haversack; it’s just too heavy for Jester in her current state. 

She insists on keeping Sprinkles with them, though. Sometimes Fjord wonders how that poor weasel has managed to stay alive. 

For some reason, Beau’s acquired a cart piled high with fireworks and – no, Fjord doesn’t even want to know.

While Caleb stores the fireworks in his Vault of Amber, Jester says goodbye to her Mama and then it’s time to leave.

They gather in the street behind the Chateau, Caleb assuring them that he can now transport them directly to the Xhorhouse, and soon he’s finished drawing out the last of the necessary sigils.

The step inside, Caleb activates the spell, and in what seems like less than a blink they’re once again standing in the first-floor hall of their Xhorhasian abode.

It’s a lot less dusty than Fjord expected, considering they haven’t been here since well before the peace talks.

All of a sudden, there’s a loud crash behind him. Fjord spins around, hand going out in anticipation of calling upon Star Razor.

His eyes settle on a young drow girl, shards at her feet. She seems almost familiar...

“I knew there was something I’d forgotten!”, Beau cries triumphantly.

“What are you still doing here?”, Caleb demands to know at the same time.

At least someone knows what’s going on, Fjord reflects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I gave Jester roller skates. And then I immediately took them away again. Look, even I’m not immune to Luc’s puppy dog eyes!
> 
> Concerning that - why-oh-why did I decide writing a section from the POV of a five-year-old would be a good idea? *eyes past self*
> 
> I apologize to any shop clerks reading this. I know it can be a crappy job made worse by crappy customers, but this was just too good an opportunity to pass up. In the Nein’s defence, they’re all still pretty on edge.
> 
> Bonus points go to everyone who got the Star Trek reference.
> 
> German translations:  
> “bitte“ – “please”


	6. In which our characters find the Xhorhouse to be much more crowded than they expected (that not necessarily being a bad thing)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vedalla needs an explanation. Caleb really needs to calm down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, have an extra-long Caleb POV chapter to make up for the fact that we haven’t had a Caleb POV in far too long. (That mostly happened because I didn’t want to spoil Vedalla’s appearance for anyone who had forgotten about her (most of the characters certainly had, lol) and underestimated how many chapters it would take for them to get to Rosohna...)
> 
> German translations are at the end of the chapter.

This is terrible.

The girl should not be here. This was supposed to be their hideout, their safe haven while they figured out what was going on and – more crucially – how to reverse it and _the girl should not be here_.

The girl – Vedalla, Caleb’s memory informs him, reliable as ever – has the audacity to look affronted. “What I am doing here? What are you doing here!” She takes a step back, then another, putting distance between her and Mighty Nein. “I’m going to call the Aurora Watch!”

And oh, no. That’s even worse.

“Wait!” 

Beauregard has overtaken the girl and planted herself in front of the door. It’d probably look more threatening if she didn’t look like she ought to be off playing hopscotch. 

The thought reminds Caleb that he should really drop Seeming for all of them if he doesn’t want the situation to escalate any further. It won’t help much as far as their ages are concerned, but at least it will give them a better chance to convince Vedalla not to contact the Watch.

In a flash, they’re all back to their usual – well, usual as of today – selves.

Vedalla blinks once at Beauregard. Then she turns around, taking in the rest of them as well.

“If that was supposed to make you seem less suspicious, I’m sorry to tell you it didn’t work.”

Well, the reaction could have been better, but at least Caleb’s now reasonably sure she isn’t involved in whatever caused this mess. He knows better than to think she’s not still a threat, though. Who knows who she’ll tell. 

While he’s still debating with himself whether it would be an acceptable risk to let her loose in the house or whether it would be safer to shut her in the basement – or perhaps the guestroom, he isn’t an Unmensch – for the duration of this farce, she stops inching towards the door one down from the one Beauregard is currently blocking (and why did he have to choose to teleport them into a room with so many doors?) and narrows her eyes. When he follows her line of sight, he realizes she’s focussing straight on Caduceus and Yasha.

“I know you... you’re part of the strange people who hired me. What are you doing here with a bunch of Empire children?” 

At least she sounds honest in her bewilderment, which means the guestroom will probably be sufficient.

There’s a couple of suppressed sounds of recognition behind him while Beauregard lets out an affronted high-pitched squawk, but before she can follow it up with – presumably, this is Beauregard, after all – threats of bodily violence, Caleb decides to take control of the conversation.

“Nevermind what we are doing here. What are you doing here? You should be gone!”

Vedalla turns her attention to him, looking him up and down. She’s clearly trying to remember if she’s ever seen him before and coming up empty – as if this whole situation didn’t have enough drawbacks already.

“I’ve been hired by the owners of this house to look after it, so I have every right to be here.”

And that would be true, except...

“We gave you enough gold to cover one month of service. One month. That was exactly one month and four days ago. Which means you should be gone by now. Yet, you are still here. So the question remains - why?” And he’s certain of that timeframe. His usually infallible sense of time might still be in the process of reorienting itself after the sudden change from Nicodranas to Rosohna – as is always the case when their merry group switches time zones – but he is not off by four whole days, especially since he’d been certain of it before they ever teleported. Probably wouldn’t have without that certainty, even.

“Wait, yeah, you’re right!” Beauregard’s moved to flank Vedalla and is now peering at her suspiciously from between the two doors Vedalla is nearest to. As it stands, Caleb doesn’t think she’s likely to run off to get the Watch anymore, but a bit of extra vigilance won’t hurt. Beauregard isn’t done yet, either. “I knew it – you’re here to rob us blind, aren’t you? We didn’t come back in time, so you think you can just take what you want!”

As the miniscule monk advances on Vedalla threateningly, Caleb has just enough time to appreciate how ridiculous the scene looks before he hears a snicker from behind him. Said snicker is quickly stifled when Beauregard swivels her head to glare over his shoulder before focussing back on their erstwhile housekeeper.

Vedalla ignores the fist waving around under her nose and sniffs. “You are right. The owners of this house”, she shoots an accusing look at the only other obvious adults in the room, “could indeed not be bothered to further reimburse me for my services. However, Shadowhand Essek took care of that when he came to deliver the beasts.”

Wait, what?

“What?” Jester echoes his sentiment and looks around at the puzzled faces of the rest of the Nein. “He didn’t tell me anything about beasts when I messaged him earlier!”

Vedalla crosses her arms and draws her shoulders back, clearly more comfortable with this line of questioning. It might also have to do with the fact that Beauregard has calmed down and gone back to simply glowering at her.

“Three huge, slavering moorbounders. They were delivered last week – apparently, they belong here and were left behind with the Bazzoxan garrison for some reason. A couple of Aurora Watch soldiers brought them with them when they were rotated back to Rosohna recently. And might I just say, one of the reasons I took this job was to get out of shovelling moorbounder manure, not to be solely responsible for three of them at once!”

Caleb’s not paying attention anymore, hasn’t been paying attention since she said the words “moorbounders” and “delivered”.

Jannik is here! He’s missed the big guy. If he still likes to be scratched behind his left ear just so?

Caleb fades back into the conversation exactly 46 seconds later with Fjord saying “...not our fault they brought them back here! They would have been just fine in the wild!” 

“Then maybe you should release them to the wild.” 

Vedalla doesn’t sound as if she’d mind that, nor does Fjord look particularly opposed to the idea. Clearly, the conversation has gone quite in the wrong direction during Caleb’s brief moment of cat-isfaction.

Time for some damage control.

“They’re just fine here, Vedalla. If you’re not happy with your working conditions, you can always quit.” After they’ve solved this whole age conundrum, of course, but presuming Essek has paid her for the full month, that shouldn’t be a problem by then anymore.

If it’s still a problem... well, Caleb’s mind refuses to go there for now. First things first.

Vedalla’s demeanour immediately grows more conciliatory. “I didn’t say that. But if I shouldn’t receive my fifty gold on time next month, you can be sure I will put in an official complaint with the Watch. There are laws for that sort of thing!”

Caleb isn’t at all sure that applies – apart from everything else, it isn’t as if they’ve set up a formal contract, and when he thinks about it, that’s probably an oversight – but that’s not what catches his attention about what she just said.

“Fifty gold? That’s ten more than you were hired for!”

“Yes, that would be before I became responsible for caring for three grown moorbounders. Have you got any idea how much they eat? They’re not exactly cheap on the upkeep!

That... is a good point, actually. It’s not like she can just set them loose to hunt in the middle of the city.

That reminds him - poor Jannik probably hasn’t had a proper run in days!

“Lunch... that’s a good idea. We’ll probably all feel better once we’ve had a bite! And some tea.” 

Before Caleb can object, his stomach gives a traitorous grumble. He still feels half sick – there’s a part of him that hasn’t stopped seeing attackers hiding in every shadow since he woke up this morning – but apparently, his adolescent body hasn’t got the message. 

Judging by his friends’ expressions, they seem to agree with his stomach rather than with the rest of him. Caduceus smiles and continues, “Yes, we’ll definitely all feel better once we’ve got something warm inside of us.”

Vedalla doesn’t look impressed. “You better not think I’ve forgotten that I deserve a raise.”

Fjord opens his mouth but she ignores him completely, instead addressing the adults of the group once again: “You also better not think I’ve got food for so many people in the house either. What are you doing here with all these children anyway? And where are the others?” Her eyes narrow. “Maybe I should call the Watch after all!”

Before Caleb can intervene and put a favourable spin on the story - favourable, in this case, of course meaning “not spilling the beans to their housekeeper who has no reason to want to keep them alive”, though when he thinks about it, Caleb supposes fifty gold a month are quite a lot of reasons actually – Fjord finally gets a word in crosswise. “There are no others, we are the people who hired you! This child thing is a new and, might I stress, temporary development.”

“Sure.” Vedalla doesn’t particularly look like she believes him. She’s also inching towards the door again, though Caleb’s reassured that Beauregard has that particular danger in hand.

Does the guestroom even have a lock?

While he’s still pondering that question, Vedalla’s sceptical look prompts Veth to enter the conversation. “It’s true! I was the one who found you, you were sweeping up in front of the livery, remember?”

Vedalla directs her gaze down to where Veth is standing in her puffy lavender sundress. She looks very cute. While Caleb was distracted getting his things together, someone – probably Yasha – even found the time to braid matching lavender ribbons into her hair.

She also looks like she shouldn’t be allowed to leave the house without adult supervision, much less hire anyone. 

Vedalla, judging by the tone of her voice, clearly agrees with his unspoken assessment. “You’re the one who hired me.”

“Yes.” Veth raises her chin, trying to seem taller, or perhaps more like an adult.

Mainly, she succeeds in looking like a child trying – and failing – to prove a point.

“You, the child Halfling, are the adult Goblin who hired me.”

Veth blinks, and her expression sours immediately. “That was temporary. It’s fixed now.”

Vedalla nods slowly. “So, let me put this together. You’re the people who hired me, except that some of you are literal children and Halflings now. Except that some of this is temporary now, and some of this was temporary before.”

“Not a literal child”, Beauregard grumbles over by the door, but nobody pays her any mind.

There’s a beat and then Fjord shrugs. “Yes, more or less”, he admits, sounds of agreement issuing forth from some of the others as well.

Vedalla snorts. “Well you did warn me that this was a very strange house.” And – small favours and all that – she seems to actually be content with leaving it at that.

Which, of course, means that this is the moment Beauregard starts up again.

“Wait, that’s it? You’re just gonna roll with this? No ‘what’s going on’ or ‘why is this happening’, maybe an ‘are you for real’ for good measure?”

Vedalla turns to face Beauregard. She’s going to give herself whiplash at this rate.

“Five days ago, I had a conversation with an actual Shadowhand of the Bright Queen. Before that, the closest I’d come to any official government position was having a distant cousin in the army, and she’s stationed over Asarius. I guess you could say I’m all out of ‘are you for real’’s at the moment.” Even Caleb can hear the air quotes on that one, and he’s usually not particularly good at picking out that sort of thing.

Caduceus claps his hands together. “So, now that that’s cleared up, food?”

“I told you, there’s not enough in the house...” Vedalla starts up again, but Jester intervenes: “We’ve got lots of pastries! We could just have those for lunch, it’ll be fun, like a holiday picknick! And then we can go and buy something proper for dinner.”

Oh no, no. Caleb’s going to have to put his foot down on this one. “We can’t leave the house. Someone could see us!” 

“Well, we’re going to have to eat sometime!” Clearly, Beauregard isn’t grasping the seriousness of the situation.

“I still have the jar full of boba, and Jester and Caduceus can...”

“I’m not eating boba for every meal until all of this is over!”

“I’m not staying locked up in here until then either.”

“But...”

“How about, perhaps Vedalla could go and buy supplies for us? And we can talk about the rest later.” Yasha’s voice cuts across all of them just as the discussion is about to get heated.

“We can’t let Vedalla out, she could tell someone!” Caleb’s slowly making friends with the idea of letting their housekeeper roam free in the house, but that’s going too far! And why is everyone looking at him like that? 

“We’re not locking her up in the house, Caleb!” Now that’s just unfair – he was certain at least Beauregard had his back in this.

“I don’t think...”

“You’re definitely not locking me up!” Vedalla’s inching towards the door again, and this time, Beauregard is making no moves to get in her way.

“Nobody is locking anybody up!” The pointed look Fjord is giving him is blatantly unfair – he’s just making sure they’re all safe, can’t he see that?

“I...” 

Again, Vedalla talks right over him. It’s starting to annoy Caleb. “What would I tell people, anyway? That my employers, who just happen to be from the Dwendalian Empire, can’t seem to decide which age they are, and that a Shadowhand personally handles their business?” She blinks, possibly realising that is exactly what she could tell people. Or maybe wondering whether they are spies, with their luck. “Well, it’s not like anybody would believe me...”, she tacks on, sounding a bit disturbed.

“See, it’s totally safe to send her on errands. It’s what we’re paying her for, after all”, Veth declares. 

“What Shadowhand Essek paid me for”, Vedalla chimes in, but she still seems absent-minded.

“So, that’s settled. Time for pastries!” While Caleb’s usually glad for Jester’s cheerfulness, right now he’s not at all of the opinion that anything has been settled – far from it, actually – but apparently, he won’t win this one. He can just hope that they won’t wake up dead one day soon because of it.

Wait, that’s not quite right.

Something like it, anyway.

The others – including Vedalla, for some reason, though Caleb can’t deny he is happier when he has her where he can see her – have started relocating to the dining room, and Caleb follows them, sitting down in his customary place while the others get plates and cups out, Jester warms up some of the pastries in the kitchen with Vedalla’s help, and Caduceus gets a pot of tea ready.

Beauregard plonks herself down next to him. “Quit moping and eat something. I watched you at breakfast, you know. You barely ate anything.”

“I’m not moping, Beauregard.” He’s not. He’s simply... concerned.

“Fine, whatever. Suit yourself.”

One by one, the others assemble around the table. Yasha helps Jester and Veth get some books down from a shelf and put them on one of the benches by the tables so they can actually see over the tabletop, but a quick glance assures Caleb that they’re not actually his books, just some Xhorhasian cookbooks Caduceus must have picked up, so he doesn’t say anything about it.

By the time they’ve all finished eating, they’ve made a decent indent in Jester’s not inconsiderable pastry supply. Even Caleb managed an entire piece of berry pie, and if he weren’t trying to project disapproval right now, he’d be tempted to admit that Jester’s right and it’s actually quite good. 

“...so they don’t make them with cinnamon there, which they really should, because they’re much better with cinnamon!” Vedalla is listening to Jester with rapt attention. Caleb isn’t sure whether that is because she actually finds the topic interesting, because she’s relieved they’re not actually going to lock her up in the house (Caleb’s misgivings notwithstanding), or because she’s now convinced they’re all dangerous Empire spies and is terrified. Could also be a combination of all three.

She definitely demolished her fair share of pastries, though, so maybe she is just that riveted after all.

“...we also really need to save some of the bear claws for Essek. They’re much better than the wafers we had at his house.” She stops for a moment, an idea filtering past behind her eyes. “Oh, I know, let’s invite him to dinner!”

That’s... not actually a bad idea. Besides the chance to discuss the problem in person, it would give Caleb the opportunity to gauge how likely it is that Essek will talk and get them in further trouble. Though, with the fact that the others are apparently planning on galivanting all over Rosohna and letting Vedalla do the same, his hope of keeping this as secret as possible might prove vain anyway. 

Either way, he can admit that he misses the man’s conversation. It is rather invigorating to have someone to talk shop with from time to time.

Before Caleb can give voice to his opinion, Veth is up on the bench in a flash, the cookbooks tumbling down to the floor behind her: “No, I don’t trust him. He...”

“...has very bad taste in pastries, we know, Veth, but maybe Vedalla here can help us change his mind?” Fjord quickly cuts her off. Veth’s eyes flash to Vedalla, realisation coming over her – Essek wouldn’t thank them for spilling his secrets – before coming to rest on Fjord. “I still don’t trust him”, she mutters before sitting back down, only to promptly curse when her head is on level with the tabletop. Caleb quickly helps her pile the books back onto the bench.

Meanwhile, Vedalla hasn’t noticed any of their interplay. Her eyes are wide and her expression incredulous. “You can’t just invite a Shadowhand to dinner!”

Beauregard snorts. “Why not? He liked it well enough the last time he was here – maybe this time we’ll get him to actually come all the way into the hot tub with us.”

“You were in a hot tub with Shadowhand Essek?” Vedalla’s voice has gone almost as high and squeaky as Veth’s just moments before, only without the excuse of being an actual child’s voice. 

“Yes. It was nice. We talked.” Yasha’s picking the last crumbs of her puff pastry off her plate. Caleb wishes he had her equanimity.

“In that case, I should start heating up the hot tub. I still haven’t made those improvements I’ve been thinking of...” That’s Caduceus in favour as well, it seems. At least something is going in his way today. Caleb takes that as his cue to jump into the discussion.

“Besides, it would be good if we could discuss what assistance he can give us regarding the current situation as soon as possible. And to clear up other matters.” He’s not going to mention the possible need to blackmail Essek in front of Vedalla, but it’s certainly on his mind.

“Okay, I’ll message Essek then!” Jester’s eyes narrow in concentration before she starts to speak: “Hello Essek! Guess what – surprise, we’re in Rosohna! Do you want to come to dinner tonight? We can talk, and also, maybe this time you can come join...” She trails off when she sees Fjord make the sign that she’s reached the end of her message.

There’s a brief moment of quiet as Jester goes still, listening to something only she can hear. It doesn’t last very long.

“Essek says hi! Also, he’s stuck in a meeting, but he’ll come by later! Oh, I forgot...” Before any of them can react, she is messaging Essek once more: “Hi again, Essek! Just wanted to let you know that we brought lots of pastries from Nicodranas! So you know, you definitely have to try some later, and also...” Fjord lowers his hands and soon Jester tells them that Essek replied that he’ll definitely come. Also, that he’ll definitely eat lots of pastries.

That second one seems a bit dubious to Caleb.

After that, their impromptu pastry lunch gathering quickly breaks up. Caleb makes his excuses and retires to his room – if they’re going to make more of their presence here known than he’d originally intended, he’ll have to take additional precautions.

But first things first – a quick check reveals that nothing has obviously been tampered with. Everything is in its proper place, all his books are where he left them, and his porcelain cat collection is still intact and on the shelf above his bed. He takes the time to rearrange it and add its newest member - the “Savings By the Sea” might have been an organizational nightmare, but it did have some nice trinkets. He might have to revisit it someday, just to make sure he’s not missing out on some interesting books – he’s pretty sure he saw a couple stacked precariously on some rolled-up carpets underneath a table.

His business here completed, he makes sure that his trusty roll of silver thread is in his upper left coat pocket and ventures up to Caduceus’ tower – he’ll do this from the top down. He can hear the voices of the others faintly wafting over from the dining room; by the sounds of it, Jester’s moved on from extolling the virtues of Nicodranian pastries to Traveler Con.

Once Caleb reaches the Garden Caduceus has built for himself up here, he takes a moment to look out over the rooftops of Rosohna, dipped in eternal night despite it being not yet mid-afternoon. Of course, he himself is bathed in the light of the magical lanterns Caduceus and Jester so ingeniously devised - his friends are nothing if not resourceful. 

After allowing himself to indulge in the faint but there feeling of being at home (and isn’t that a strange sensation) he sets to work, and not quite twenty minutes (18 minutes and 43 seconds, to be precise) later there is a thin silver line running all around the outer tower door, his thread now permanently affixed to the stonework. He’ll have to take some time every evening to renew the spell, but that’s a small price to pay given it will make them all safer.

Besides, it’ll help him keep track of Vedalla - he’s definitely not letting her in on the wards as he does his friends. As of yet, he doesn’t trust her as far as he can throw her, which, though she looks to be far from heavy, even under normal circumstances probably wouldn’t be very far. Under present circumstances? Given that she’s currently taller than him, even picking her up might prove a challenge.

The thought sours his mood, which had begun to recover from this morning’s slings and arrows, again, and he passes Caduceus with barely a word in the tight hallway that leads from the tower back to the main area of the second floor. In no time at all, he’s out on the balcony. Wiring up all of the doors leading to the patio takes the better part of an hour (52 minutes and 13 seconds to be exact, but who’s counting). He can hear the others moving around inside, and he’s fairly sure that at some point, Vedalla left through the main entrance underneath him - hopefully to take care of the groceries and not to take information about the situation to interested parties.

Which reminds him that he should probably have changed his appearance before working out here in broad daylight (or would that be nightlight?) for an hour where everyone can see; another entry to his already long list of avoidable mistakes.

The thought sours his mood further, to the point where he’s grateful he doesn’t run across any of the others on his way down to start work on the first-floor doors and windows; the second-floor windows will have to wait for now. He can hear someone – probably Beauregard, but Yasha and Fjord are also a possibility – beat up the equipment in the training room as he passes. Sometimes he wishes inflicting physical violence had the same cathartic effect on him as it has on some of the others.

On second thought, he supposes that’s what Fireball is for. Pity those aren’t safe for the house.

At least he’s been productive. While working upstairs, he’s thought of five further spells that are definitely not what is causing this. And while that’s actually the opposite of helpful, what is helpful is that he’s also realised something that should have been clear to him right away. In fact, he’s not sure how he’s missed it until now. If he believed in excuses (there are no excuses for failure – if Trent has drilled anything into him, it is that) he’d say he probably was so busy trying to work out _how_ what had happened happened that he’d forgotten to think properly about _what_ had actually happened. That, and his mind had threatened to go into panic mode whenever he poked that particular bear too hard.

Either way, the thing is this: They’ve not all regressed to the same age. And while that may be obvious what isn’t obvious, or at least what he’d failed to properly notice until now, is that they all seem to have regressed the same amount of years. 

Of course he’ll have to look into this further – he’s not entirely acquainted with the ages of the others, for one – but as far as he is concerned, he seems to have lost about twenty years. He’ll have to check, but that seems roughly true for all of them. This could be good news – if somebody turned them into children to kill them more easily, they would have presumably aimed for the youngest they could get them.

Or it could simply be that the limitations of whatever spell was used dictated that they couldn’t be regressed any further. Which, he guesses, especially in Jester’s case would still constitute good news (he absolutely refuses to imagine what would have happened if the spell had set them back even five more years.)

Thus preoccupied, Caleb works his way from the front door around to the back of the house, wiring up the dining room windows until he arrives at the back door. It’s only nearing late afternoon by now – Rosohna time – but the stress of the day is making Caleb prematurely tired. At least he’s pretty sure he’s old enough to not actually need a nap to get through the day. Some of the others, though...

He quickly reminds himself not to share that thought with Beauregard. Discretion being the better part of valour, and all that.

He’s just about to start working on the back door when there’s a loud snort behind him, followed by a short yowl.

Oh.

He is definitely off his game today. How could he have forgotten? The back of the house. Where the animal pen is.

He turns around and finds himself face to face with Jannik. He’s still so cute! 

Back door forgotten, Caleb is across the back yard in a flash, not that there is much of a yard between the house and the pen. The pen itself consists of a dug-out area just large enough to comfortably contain their three moorbounders, which means it’s still larger than the floor space of the house Caleb grew up in. Between the stone walls and stone roof, it might also be more secure against wind and weather, and Caleb has to stop for a moment and forcefully push down the memories that particular thought brings up before he continues.

Thankfully, there’s what’s essentially a giant cat in front of him (albeit more potentially murderous than your usual cat, but considering their current situation, that might even come in handy) to help him get rid of troubling thoughts. He wastes no time getting up on his tiptoes (being a child constantly finds new ways to annoy him, it seems) and starting in on the area behind Jannik’s left ear. Judging by the fact that seconds later his hand is still attached to the rest of his body, Jannik has definitely recognised him – sense of smell, Caleb supposes. The other two moorbounders are lounging around in the back of the pen and don’t seem particularly motivated to come join them, so he won’t have to worry about antagonizing his friend’s beasts. 

To his delight, Jannik turns out to be just as fond of behind-the-ear scritchies as the last time he’d seen him, and soon, a deep, sonorous purr fills the air. Caleb can feel it shake his entire body from where he is pressed against Jannik to reach his head. It doesn’t take long until the beast flops over onto its side and bares its belly, and Caleb his more than happy to comply with the unspoken order for more attention.

Even though he doesn’t know it, he’s smiling, his first real smile that day, and it only seems natural when he summons Frumpkin halfway through working his way down Jannik’s flank. With his Fey companion a familiar weight on his shoulders, demanding its own scritchies from time to time with soft meows, and Jannik warm and solid next to him, Caleb feels almost content.

Perhaps coming to Rosohna wasn’t a mistake after all.

*****

Not quite an hour later, Yasha comes looking for Caleb. Dinner will be ready soon.

She finds him fast asleep, tucked up against the giant form of Jannik, Frumpkin a loaf on his lap. There’s a line of drool coming from his mouth.

And if he looks a little like a boy tuckered out after a day of playing, she’s not going to be the one to bring it up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, according to the wiki, moorbounders eat _a lot_.
> 
> Not gonna lie – as soon as I’d decided that part of the fic would be set in Rosohna, I knew I had to get the moorbounders in here somehow. I miss them, okay? (I know it’s implied that the garrison in Bazzoxan released them to the wild, but it’s never outright stated and the last we know of them, they’re stabled with the garrison. And I did trawl the transcripts for a frankly ridiculous amount of time to make sure of that.) 
> 
> Also: Calebxcats is OTP, even if they’re giant cats that could bite off your head in one fell swoop. 
> 
> The last scene owes a lot to this fanart by “Art of Anselina”, which is totally canon as far as I’m concerned: [Art of Anselina tumblr](https://strawberryfoxart.tumblr.com/post/183203689034/moorbounders-are-big-kitties)
> 
> Since it’s never specified what a Shadowhand actually does, I’m going to go ahead and assume that having one just show up at your house is the Xhorhasian equivalent of a senior CIA analyst just dropping in for a chat.
> 
> German translations:  
> “Unmensch” – ogre, bad person


	7. In which our characters have dinner and pool their knowledge (though it’s them that gets wet)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caduceus returns to the roots and Essek returns to the Xhorhouse.

Lunch is pretty much over and Caleb has already left by the time Caduceus manages to snag Vedalla’s attention and pull her to the side to discuss the afternoon’s shopping. The discussion itself doesn’t take particularly long – leaving aside the moorbounders, their overall need for food has rather dropped with the present change, for one.

If he were being completely honest, Caduceus would have to admit that so far, this entire experience has been, if not enjoyable, then at least entertaining. 

He will admit no such thing, of course. Beau might just be half his height, but that in no way means he doubts her ability to inflict grievous bodily harm. Even if he’s pretty sure that she would take care to not permanently maim him. He’s also pretty sure she caught on to his covert attempts to prank them earlier, which puts him in additional danger. Not that he regrets anything – with how everyone was on edge, a little levity was desperately needed.

Besides, it was funny.

The Drow girl is extremely helpful in regard to Xhorhasian cuisine, and they settle on a variety of dishes using native vegetables, the local equivalent to pasta, and – at Beau’s insistence – bacon. He’s quite sure that her insistence on rebuilding her stock of pocket-bacon is mostly a coping mechanism - not that he’s one to judge people for that – , but by the way her seven-year-old face turns stubborn when insisting on the addition is simply adorable. By the look on Yasha’s face she clearly thinks the same, but then again, he supposes Yasha finds Beau adorable in any incarnation.

Ah well. Sooner or later (possibly later, given their current predicament) those two will find each other, if it is meant to be.

As soon as they’ve completed their shopping list, Vedalla is drawn back into a conversation with Jester and the others. Caduceus takes that as his cue to leave – he’s eager to check up on his garden (he vaguely remembers telling Vedalla about the notes he’d kept on his plants before they’d left the last – and only – time they’d met her), and he’s in urgent need of advice from the Wildmother. After all, just because he himself isn’t particularly adversely affected doesn’t mean he is oblivious to the way the situation weighs on his friends, even if he’s not above taking advantage of it now and again.

There’s something he needs to do first, though. Instead of heading straight up to this tower abode, his path leads him out the back door and to the walled-in pit talking up half the back yard. As Vedalla had told them, the moorbounders are there, and Caduceus spends a couple of minutes reconnecting with Clarabelle, who is just as delightful as ever. Now that he can, he really needs to introduce her to her namesake.

His sister would probably love her, and besides, the possibilities for mischief are endless.

With that thought, he allows himself a small moment to indulge in the relief that he feels in knowing that his family is safe and sound, that the Blooming Grove is now likely well on its way to being mended, and if he has a spring in his step when he takes the back stairs up to the second floor - well, there’s nothing to be said against a bit of joy in one’s life.

In the hallway to his tower, he encounters Caleb. The boy (and huh, it’s strange how fast thinking of his friends as children has become natural) seems just as morose as he has since this morning. Caduceus is a bit worried about that, honestly, but then again, Caleb is prone to melancholic moods. He’ll see if this one plays itself out before he intervenes. The Firbolg spares a moment to wonder what Caleb was doing up there (come to think of it, he does remember Caleb saying something about securing the house against intruders when he excused himself from lunch...) but before he can bring the topic up his friend has already pushed past him. 

Rude, but, well, he trusts Caleb, so he doesn’t call out and ask further questions, instead opting to simply continue upward to his tower garden. He is really looking forward to seeing how his plants have grown and changed in the time they’ve been gone – the first batch of onions and potatoes should be about ready to harvest by now, as well as the second batch of beans and cucumbers. Caduceus hopes Vedalla took good care of everything – she seems like a conscientious person and he’s not worried that she at least tried, but he’s also aware that anyone living in Rosohna probably won’t have a lot of experience with gardening.

Opening the door, his eyes fall first upon the big tree in the centre of the tower. It looks as healthy and majestic as it had when it had first grown – unsurprisingly, to be honest, unless it involved salt even somebody who’d never seen a plant before couldn’t have messed that up. The chain of lights he and Jester fashioned is still tangled in its branches, and looking out over the dark city, Caduceus can’t help thinking that despite its many impressive buildings it is not half as beautiful as the display of nature right next to him. A few more steps take him to the series of vegetable lots located all around the roots of the tree, and he is relieved to see that, for the most part, his vegetables have survived Vedalla’s tender care. 

The beans and potatoes are ready to harvest, as he suspected, and to his delight, the second batch of cucumbers as well. The second batch of tomatoes, though, is showing signs of being overwatered, the little yellow-petalled flowers drooping sadly, and they’re not the only ones. He’ll have to talk to Vedalla about that - he’s got little idea of rain tendencies in Rosohna, but it’s clearly more than he allowed for in the instructions he left.

Despite the water issue, he has to smile when he sees that Vedalla seems to have started a little mushroom patch on the side, where the shadow of the hut blocks most of the tree’s light – he’s definitely going to encourage that. And ask her about the kinds of mushrooms she’s growing there, while he’s at it. 

Once he’s inspected the vegetables to his satisfaction, Caduceus clambers onto a strategically placed stone to have a look at the roof of his little hut. Of course, vegetable plants are beautiful in their own right, but up here, where even he can’t reach that easily for regular care and harvesting, he’s planted a little patch of wildflowers for Yasha. He’s happy to see it’s continuing to come along nicely, white daisies, yellow buttercups, blue cornflowers and many more all intermingling and giving his little hut a colourful top. It’s a shame, really, the lack of sunlight in the city. Having his little garden here seed similar spots all over the city would be just the thing.

Plants taken care of, he turns to the little niche he’s made to honour his goddess and the various deities of his friends. There’s statues and symbols for Ioun, Kord, and the Traveler, all arranged around a little pool he’s dedicated to the Wildmother that doubles as a rain collector for watering the plants. He spends a moment contemplating the carving of the Traveler’s doorway – after what happened on Rumblecusp, he’s not sure it’s appropriate anymore (or whether any of the other gods object? Huh, maybe that’s why this has happened, though it would be a bit understated for the Moonweaver).

He'll just have to ask Jester about it later.

With a satisfied sigh, he lowers himself down to the ground in front of the idol of the Wildmother, folding his long legs underneath him, and starts some incense burning. Truth be told, he is glad that he was apparently spared the worst of this spell that has been cast upon them – if for no other reason than that his siblings would never let him live it down, if they ever found out. As it is, it has been nice to be rid of some of the aches and pains he’s collected over the last couple of years. 

It's easy to be thankful, safe in his little rooftop sanctuary with as much wilderness as he could fashion in this place of brick and stone, with his friends safe and well in the house underneath him. There may be trials to come, but right now, even if not all of them can see it, all is well.

It doesn’t take him long to fall into a light meditative trance, and soon he feels his being still within him, growing closer to the Wildmother. He hears the insects tunnelling through the earth around him and crawling across the roots of the giant tree whose branches arch over him, leaves rustling in the wind. There’s soft footsteps in the house underneath him, even softer voices brought to him on the wind. For a moment, Caduceus’ ears catch on Caleb muttering a spell from the direction of the balcony, and floating even beyond that are the noises of the city. There’s grass tickling his hands where they are loosely resting on the floor at his sides, and the smell of the incense, slowly wafting up into the green canopy above. 

He lets it all go. 

He can feel Melora close. It is time.

Caduceus opens his eyes, leans forward to cup some of the shrine’s water in his hands, and begins the ritual.

The first question is easy; there’s no need to beat around the bush here, after all, and it’s their most important concern at the moment. “Do we have the means of reversing this?”

A cold gust of wind hits Caduceus from behind just as the humming of the insects around him grows louder. Gradually, the wind dwindles, and he feels a warm aura brushing him, as if to chase away the cold. 

An uncertain outcome. That is concerning, he has to admit, but not altogether discouraging. Time for his second question. Hopefully, it will give them a place to start from. “Do we know the person who did this?”

The warm presence is stronger now, an invisible hand brushing over his head and down the side of his face, briefly taking his hand and squeezing it. 

It's at this point that Caduceus is almost ripped away from the spell by an aborted clattering sound from the direction of the main entrance. It’s probably something to do with the plants he disturbed earlier, and Caduceus pushes that thought out of his mind as soon as it appears, focussing back on communing with Melora.

The feeling of a hand on his fades but leaves him with the unmistakable impression of a positive response. That’s – good to know, even if it brings its own pitfalls. Which reminds him, he’s still got his third – and last -question. “Is there danger in remaining here?”

The branches above sway stronger as the ever-present breeze picks up a bit, but it is still warm. A couple of leaves drift down gently, landing in the pool in front of Caduceus and peppering his shoulders and folded legs. No more danger than usual then, huh. Not saying much, considering their lifestyle, but at least he knows not to waste time worrying about assassins in the middle of the night.

He remains a moment longer, basking in the feel of nature around him (just one day in the city and already, he missed it). When he feels that the focus of the Wildmother has completely left him, he gets up, stretches his long legs and collects the fallen leaves, setting them aside to dry. They’ll make good mulch later – such is the cycle of life. Once that’s done, he ambles over to the pea plants - as he suspected, one of the wooden sticks used to support them has fallen over, and Caduceus takes the time to secure it back in place properly. 

He putters around the garden a little longer before remembering that he’ll need to start up the hot tub if they’re going to use it later. On the way down, he notices the silver thread now inset into the frame of the tower door – ah, that is what Caleb was doing here earlier. Well meant, but the Wildmother has reassured him enough for him to know it’s unnecessary.

The room at the bottom of the tower is scrupulously clean. He has to hand it to Vedalla – she is a good housekeeper. Though, judging by some apparently recent water stains on the floor that have not quite been rubbed out, he’s certain part of it has to do with her enjoying the hot tub herself. He noticed coming up that she seems to have settled in the guest room on the second floor, which is fair enough if she’s going to be here longer – she seems like a decent sort of person, if a bit easy to impress with government titles. 

It doesn’t take him long to fill the tub with water and start a fire going – by now, they may all be used to relying on Caleb for fire, but he’s lived on his own for almost longer than the others have been alive, and he has no trouble getting one started by himself. In two or three hours, the tub will be nice and cosy, just right for all of them to take a good soak.

He's done just in time for Vedalla to return with the shopping for tonight’s dinner. They work side by side in the kitchen, Vedalla showing him how to best prepare the Xhorhasian dishes they’ve decided on. He finds he very much enjoys the work – there is only so much you can learn from books, after all, and he prefers a personal touch. As suspected, Vedalla turns out to be quite pleasant company, even if she seems a bit suspicious of him at first. 

Thus pleasantly occupied, the rest of the afternoon passes quickly. Before setting the pasta to cooking, Caduceus asks Jester to check in with Essek again to make sure they get the timing right, and she stays around afterwards to chat and sketch them at work – even if she’s got to sit on the table for her to be able to see anything they are doing. Soon, they’re adding the finishing touches to the meal, and eventually, Beau and Yasha wander in from the training area, drawn by the smell. Beau quickly volunteers to set the table – loudly insisting that she’s a kid, not weak, she definitely doesn’t need any help setting a stupid table – and Yasha is dispatched to fetch the others.

Just as Caduceus finishes transferring the contents of a pot of flavoured mixed mushrooms to a big serving platter, there’s a knock on the door and Beau lets them know that “Essek’s floating around outside”. 

Well, perfect timing then all in all. 

Caduceus smiles.

*****

“Hi, Essek!”

Essek isn’t sure what he expects, but it’s not a tiny Tiefling in a yellow dress with pink swirls who’s clearly struggling with the door.

There’s a beat, and then he remembers the childish voice in which Jester’s messages today were delivered.

Right. That must be Jester, as her child-self. Somehow, just knowing it and seeing it for himself are quite different things.

Also, she is adorable.

The sound of the chimes installed behind the door rips him out of his thoughts, and he reaches out to help the little girl keep the door open. “Hello, Jester, it’s... good to see you?” 

Really, he has to stop being surprised by what his friends (and the term still makes him slightly giddy) get up to.

“So, you coming in or what?” 

When Essek looks up, there’s a girl behind Jester, looing just a bit older and wearing a silver-studded leather jacket. The jacket looks like it should belong to someone much older.

Which helps to place the voice – that, and the tone.

“Hello to you too, Beau. If I may?” He doesn’t wait for an answer, just takes over control of the door and comes inside, stepping down from his float. 

Soon they’re in the foyer, joined by what’s clearly a tiny version of Veth and Fjord who, while still looking decidedly underage, at least looks like he’s already a proper person.

He nods in greeting. “Hello to the rest of you as well.”

It comes out slightly off-kilter, and really, he hasn’t been around so many children since... he himself was one, he realises. Drows don’t really tend to have a lot of offspring – only a sensible precaution, with their lifespan that would quickly lead to overcrowding –, nor does he usually have much call to interact with children in his professional capacity. And even when he himself was a child, interactions outside of his brother were few, as he was always more inclined to solitary pursuits.

Well, it looks like he’s going to get a crash course. Thank Luxxon that at least these children have adult sensibilities.

Then again, he _is_ talking about the Mighty Nein, so that is probably still debateable.

It’s at that moment that he realises that the bottle of wine he brought – and which was received so well last time – was probably not the smartest choice for tonight. Veth, who’s been eyeing him suspiciously since he appeared – clearly, she hasn’t forgiven him for his transgressions, not that he can truly blame her – comes up and takes the bottle from him. It’s almost half as tall as she is.

“Veth”, Fjord starts, but the Halfling simply shoots him a look. “I’ll just put this in the pantry for safekeeping. We can open it to celebrate once all of this is over.”

“I’m sorry...” Essek’s debating whether coming here was maybe a mistake. Also, if it’s too late to leave.

Fjord just waves him off. “Don’t worry. An understandable mistake. Believe me, we’ve had worse today.”

They step through to the dining room – Veth rebuffing the others’ attempts to help her, even though the bottle is clearly too large for her to carry safely – where they encounter Caduceus and the serving girl, no, housekeeper, he met when he was delivering the moorbounders. Essek has to search his memory for a moment to recover her name – Vedalla, that was it –, and he covers it by greeting Caduceus and complimenting him on the dinner spread before them. By the looks of the dishes, Vedalla has had quite a hand in the cooking, and he’s not sure whether he should be relieved that that probably means the food is safe for him to eat (but no, they’re his friends, and besides, they need him now, nevermind the cryptic half-threat Jester served up in her first message that morning) or disappointed that he won’t have another opportunity to sample Western food; it was quite good last time.

Before the smalltalk becomes truly unbearable, Yasha and Caleb enter, Yasha looking as if she’s suppressing a smile - quite an odd look on the large woman, or rather teenager. Caleb for his part seems to be stuck in the same phase of not-quite-a-child-but-definitely-not-an-adult-yet-either that Fjord is in, and Essek is glad for it – he’s not sure he could have handled another of his friends looking as young as, say, Jester. Caleb has straw stuck in his hair for some reason, and it’s strangely adorable. 

Maybe not much better than Jester then, after all.

Well, no way through but forward. “Hello Caleb, Yasha. I can see you were not overstating the problem...” It is quite an interesting conundrum, to be sure, and Essek is looking forward to working on it – he can’t even honestly say despite himself.

“Yes. We would very much appreciate your help. And, it goes without saying, your discretion.” There’s a strange weight to Caleb’s voice and his gaze, and for a second, Essek fancies that the threat he received earlier wasn’t as much without substance as he’d like to believe, but the moment passes. He notices Beau and Fjord exchange glances on the side, but Caleb is already speaking again. “We’d also very much appreciate use of your private library, if you have one. This entire situation has left us rather... what shall we call it, unable to access our usual sources of information?”

It's at that moment that Jester jumps into the conversation. “Caleb, what are you doing! Essek is our guest, and we haven’t even started dinner yet! Come sit, and Essek, you have to try some of the pastries from Nicodranas later!”

Caleb makes a face but doesn’t protest as they arrange themselves at the table. Veth has by now returned from her trip to the pantry and insists on picking the straw out of Caleb’s hair before taking her place on a pile of books, Jester on a similar pile of books opposite her. Essek surmises that they clearly haven’t worked out the kinks of this situation yet, but then again, given how unusual all of this is, that’s not exactly a surprise.

For some reason, Vedalla joins them. She seems pleasant enough, he supposes, if a bit mercenary. Not that he has a lot of experience dealing with house staff – all of his needs in this area are usually seen to by magical servants.

The next half an hour or so is filled mostly with chewing noises, interspersed with his friends’ retelling of their morning activities. Essek himself would be the first to admit that he’s not paying the story as much attention as he should – he’s rather distracted by just how tiny some of them currently are. At one point in the tale, Jester starts bouncing so enthusiastically on her stack of books that he’s genuinely worried she might topple it – and herself – over and right onto the ground before he notices Yasha’s hand hovering behind her back. The whole thing is... strange.

Once everybody has more or less had their fill, the subject turns to more serious matters. Unsurprisingly, it’s Caleb who brings the discussion back to the reason they are all here tonight. 

“Now that we’ve fulfilled our duties as hosts, have you thought of anything that might be helpful to the situation?” 

Straight to the point, then. Not that Essek minds – the meal wasn’t bad, but the prospect of figuring out this mystery is infinitely more appealing.

Unfortunately, despite using his mental downtime during the interminable meeting earlier – Essek just barely supresses a shudder at the memory - there is not much he can actively offer at the current moment. “I have compiled a list of possible causes, but of course, much of those you will have already thought of. Perhaps we can compare notes later?” He doubts going through dozens of spells and likely discarding them just as quickly will be very interesting for most of the other members of their little group. Or Vedalla, who has now started ferrying dirty dishes to the kitchen.

Caleb is clearly not happy with that answer. “There must be something you can think of! I have barely scratched the surface of dunamancy, but you are steeped in it, and short of finding the culprit that is our best hope of a cure.”

While Essek is tickled at the compliment, Caleb is clearly underestimating the sheer uniqueness of the problem. He is just about to point that out when Caduceus jumps into the conversation. “Oh, I might be able to give some insight into that.” 

The Firbolg somehow looks even taller than usual today, now that there are more children than adults at the table. It probably also doesn’t help that he’s sitting right next to Veth, who’s already small compared to him under normal circumstances and now makes him seem almost as tall as his giant ancestors.

Caleb stops short at the interruption and turns to look at Caduceus over Veth’s head, having taken the seat on her other side. “What do you know?” He seems positively eager. Of all those affected, Caleb seems to be taking the transformation the worst, as far as Essek can currently tell.

Caduceus steeples his long fingers over the teacup in front of him. “I contacted to the Wildmother earlier, and she was quite helpful.”

At the mention of the Wildmother, Fjord, who had been making one last attempt at the sautéed tomatoes, lifts his head. “The Wildmother? What did she say?”

Caduceus takes a sip of his tea. It’s a wonder none of the others physically vibrate off their seats with anticipation.

Essek isn’t sure Caduceus isn’t doing that on purpose.

“She indicated we know the person who did this. And that we might be able to reverse it.”

There’s an overall cacophony of responses, and the dishes Vedalla hasn’t managed to clear yet jump as Beau lets her hands crash to the surface of the table, silencing the others. “Might?” 

Caduceus lifts his bony shoulders in a shrug. “We’ll have to work for it, but it’s not impossible.”

The vagueness of the statement makes Essek’s skin itch. He’s never much been one for the Gods – his own people’s or anyone else’s – and this just confirms why to him. 

He’s not the only one who would like more details, it seems, as Veth folds her arms, unimpressed. The gesture looks odd on such a tiny child. “That’s it? She didn’t say how to at all?”

“We’ll just have to figure it out.” Fjord’s apparently given up on his tomatoes and is now glaring at Veth.

“She could at least give us some hints!”

While they continue their sniping, Caleb turns to Caduceus, clearly on high alert. “Someone we know? She didn’t happen to mention who, did she?”

“No... though apparently we’re safe here for now. Tea, anyone?”

Caleb doesn’t look particularly reassured. Beau catches his eyes across the table. “The Cerberus Assembly?” Caleb shakes his head. “I still don’t think they’d bother with something this complicated. The Cobalt Soul?” Across from him, Beau makes a dismissive hand gesture. “Same.”

Both stare at the table, deep in thought, and Essek can’t shake the feeling they’ve forgotten that he’s there. Beyond them, the others are still in a passionate debate about the comparative value of divine information (Jester has... opinions). Essek shares a longsuffering look with Vedalla, who’s just come in to get another load of dirty dishes – yes, she’d know all about being forgotten by these people, wouldn’t she?

Which reminds him that they still owe him fifty gold pieces...

The moment is broken when Yasha speaks up. “So, um, what do we do now?”

Caleb’s head shoots up. “That reminds me – all of you, how much younger would you say you are?”

“Too young”, Beau grumbles and looks down at herself as if what she sees personally offends her. Fjord starts picking at his tusks, then seems to notice what he’s doing and stares at his hand instead. “Uh, twenty years, give or take?”

Jester twists back and forth on her seat as if that will give her a better view herself before giving up and turning it into a full-body shrug instead. As if on cue, Yasha’s hand is once more hovering behind her back. 

“No idea! I can’t remember being this tiny. I mean, obviously I was this tiny once, but when I was, I didn’t know I was tiny and I didn’t really care so... but twenty years should be about right, like Fjord says.” 

Yasha just shrugs. “I don’t know. Could be twenty years, but... yeah.” Her eyes turn sad, and Caleb winces a bit, as if he regrets the questions.

There’s a story there, Essek’s sure, a story he doesn’t know. Between that and the apparent distrust of the Cerberus Assembly and Cobalt Soult (well, the first one he was aware of, even if the details are still lacking) he’s learning new and interesting things about his friends tonight.

Not that long ago, he would have filed them away carefully, to be used again later as pressure points as needed, but he’s changed, he’s a better man now.

That is to say, he still files away the information (he doesn’t think he could stop if he tried, after decades of having to participate in court politics), but he’s got no intention of using any of this against his friends. He’s not going to pass up knowledge either, though.

One by one, Might Nein all chime in – and the consensus seems to be that they have each lost about twenty years. While that’s not immediately helpful, it’s another thing they can use as a starting point in their research.

Unfortunately, Essek will have to show up for another round of Bodo Icozrin making a fool of himself tomorrow. It seems unfair that he’ll have to deal with that while there is such a juicy arcane problem to be researched. (And time to be spent with his friends as well, a small voice in the back of his mind pipes up, and he lets it.) Well, it’s unfair that he has to attend any of these meeting in the first place, but that’s beside the point.

Caleb’s voice brings him back to the present. “...Essek. Essek, may we have use of your library?”

Everybody seems to be looking at him, and Essek turns his half-full teacup in his hands to recentre himself before answering. “Hmm, yes, I do have quite an extensive library and you are welcome to peruse it. Provided, of course, everything remains in the pristine state you find it in.” He is not worried about that on Caleb’s account. Some of the others, though... let’s just say, he would not care very much for additional illustrations in his more seminal arcane texts.

Additional illustrations in the adult literature he keeps in his nightstand... well, that would be another matter, though, somewhat regrettably, he will not make those texts available to the Mighty Nein. They may be closer to him than most of his Xhorhasian peers, but there are some lines that definitely exist to not be crossed.

“Great! Then we can come visit you tomorrow.” Essek blinks and reviews his last sentence. He’s sure there was no such immediate invitation included anywhere. Before he can voice any objections, Caleb picks up where Jester left off. “Yes, that is very kind, Essek. We’d be much obliged to you.” At the promise of library access, the other man’s – or boy’s, rather – shoulders have visibly relaxed. Essek can’t really find it in himself to disappoint him, or any of his other friends. Besides, he won’t be home tomorrow – that pesky matter of leftover wartime supply allocation is still waiting to be settled, much to his woe – so it’s not as if they will disturb his work. His magical servants can see to any needs they might have.

“I suppose that can be arranged.” As his tentative agreement is met with enthusiasm, Essek can’t help but smile. He has missed them, and the fact that he has been forgiven – well, mostly, Veth in particular seems to have developed an unsettling habit of staring at him suspiciously – fills his insides with an unfamiliar warmth. 

Beau jumps up. “Great! Then that’s decided. Now, time for the hot tub?”

“Hot tub?” Nobody told Essek there’d be another visit to the hot tub!

“Oh, come on – admit it, you liked it last time.” And the thing is – he did, actually, but it wouldn’t do to show too much enthusiasm. On the other side of the table, in the process of collecting the last of the dishes, Vedalla has gone bug-eyed. It makes Essek feel just the tiniest bit daring.

“I wouldn’t call it unpleasant, no. Perhaps for half an hour?” He’d originally planned to get some reading in before bed, but...

Jester hops off of her perch and promptly disappears behind the stack of books she’d been using as a booster seat before coming around the side of the table. “Great! Oh, and we can have dessert in the tub!”

Dessert in the tub, how... unconventional. And delightful. It seems he is just daring all over tonight. 

In no time, they have relocated to the hot tub, Vedalla begging off to go feed the moorbounders. Essek isn’t unhappy to see her go – truthfully, he’d much rather have his friends to himself anyway. There’s a bit of a logistic shuffle, but a judicious application of stone-shape quickly makes the tub more child-size-friendly and soon they’ve settled in comfortably, Essek once again in up to his knees, and are munching on some Nicodranian after-dinner pastries. 

They’re quite good, and Essek doesn’t mind telling Jester so, to her delight.

And if he already had some at the party at the Marquis Desmesne before the peace talks, well, there’s no need to mention that.

The rest of the evening is spent quite pleasantly. They fix their plans for tomorrow, and Essek recommends a number of books they might want to start their research with – after all, he’s had plenty of time to mentally go through his library in search of helpful tomes during today’s conference.

It’s not until he’s on his way home that he realises the Mighty Nein will have his house all to themselves, unsupervised, for a whole day.

Ah well, despite current appearances they’re all adults, so what’s the worst that could happen?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone ever sees my search history for the last two months they’re going to come away wondering why I keep looking up the comparative heights of pre-schoolers... (alas, there’s no easy chart to check if a 4-year-old Tiefling would be taller than a 7-year old Halfling. Also, anybody else surprised that D&D Gnomes are canonically taller than D&D Halflings?)


	8. In which our characters start by exploring Essek’s books, but end up much further afield (aka ways to add a bang to your research party)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb’s happy enough in the library. The others make do somehow.

They’re up early the next morning, though it’s hard to tell what with the never-ending darkness (Veth has a feeling she’s going to start missing Nicodranas soon, and not only because of Luc and Yeza). But Caleb says it’s early, and if Caleb says so, that’s good enough for her.

After a short discussion at breakfast, they’re once again disguised as a family, courtesy of a quick spell by Caleb – a Drow family this time, and really, Veth is fine with anything as long as she doesn’t have to be a Goblin ever again; the thought alone is enough to make her shudder as she takes a quick trip back to her room to get Luc’s child-sized crossbow. She also picks up the half-dozen custom sized arrows she’d built during the previous afternoon – unfortunately, Yeza insists on getting only dud bolts for Luc, which makes sense, she supposes, considering he’s only four, but it’s certainly making her life more difficult right now. That, and she’s at a point where she feels kind of naked without a weapon on her. Or worse, depending on how you look at it, since she doesn’t actually mind being naked all that much, depending on the company.

Everybody else is already either in the hall or waiting outside when she comes back down, including Vedalla. Apparently, their housekeeper is an early riser.

“So, if anybody should ask, we’re not here. Do you understand?” Oh, that again. Veth isn’t quite sure why Caleb bothers - they haven’t exactly been keeping away from the windows, for one – but if it makes him happy, she’s not going to stop him. Especially with how tense he’s been in the last twenty-four hours.

Not that there’s any danger coming from Vedalla. Veth hired her, after all, and she’s an excellent judge of character, if she does say so herself.

“Of course.” Vedalla’s nodding with an expression as if this isn’t the first time she’s agreed to that particular request. Caleb narrows his eyes at her.

“Are you sure?”

Vedalla sighs, then her eyes open wide in feigned innocence. “You know, I think I have never seen anybody else in this house. In fact, who are you?” 

“Don’t push it”, Beau grunts and shoves past Vedalla to catch up with Fjord and Yasha outside. 

Caleb ignores her. “This isn’t a joke. Our lives may depend on it.”

Vedalla drops the act as quickly as she’d put it on. “I realise that.”

“Good.” Caleb gives her one last look for good measure before noticing Veth. “Come on, Schatz. The others are already waiting.”

It’s still early enough that the streets are empty of anyone who doesn’t absolutely have to be out at this hour; at least that means they can talk freely.

“Sooo, what do you think the rest of Essek’s house looks like? You know, we haven’t even been to the third tower yet! I wonder what’s in there...” Jester’s skipping along beside Veth, seemingly not bothered by the early morning chill. Just looking at her makes Veth instinctively tuck her shawl – taken from her adult things in her Rosohna closet - closer.

Then she realises it’s trailing on the ground, takes it off, folds it in half and wraps it around herself again. Stupid kid height.

She really should have planned for this and gotten warmer clothes during their shopping trip in Nicodranas.

“Well, I suppose he has to sleep somewhere, and eat. I don’t think that room we waited in last time is used very often...” Caduceus, once again playing the father of the group, suggests after a moment.

“Yes, but, I mean, he’s a wizard! Shouldn’t he have some weird wizard rooms like, maybe a room that’s made entirely out of tree leaves and insect cocoons or, or... a room that mixes up where your arms and your legs are when you enter!” Jester looks unreasonably excited at the prospect.

Caleb makes a face that looks as disgusted Veth feels. “I fail to see what the use of that would be.”

Beau snorts. “I don’t know man, remember the Happy Fun ball? Halas had some weird shit, and he was like some kind of uber-wizard.”

“I don’t think there’s enough trees around here for that? And, I don’t think Essek is evil enough to have a room that does that to people...”

“Essek’s plenty evil”, Veth grumbles reflexively – she’s still not convinced they should just let him get away with starting a war, for one – but she has to hand Yasha that first one. There are definitely not enough leaves around Rosohna to build an entire room out of them. Not that she’s exactly sure how that would work.

“I can’t imagine he has a room like that, though.” Of course it’s Fjord that has to object.

Veth can’t let that rest. “It’s not my fault your imagination is faulty!” She’s braced for the swipe when it comes and manages to hop out of the way easily. It wasn’t at full strength anyway.

Not that Fjord could hurt her even at full strength, weak as he is. Doubly weak now that he is a kid, and the thought makes her chuckle.

And then tell him.

They spend the rest of the walk to Essek’s house like that – sniping and speculating on whatever’s in Essek’s tower – and despite the overall situation, it’s pleasantly familiar. There’s a brief tense moment when they pass the guard post around Essek’s neighbourhood, but the Bright Queen’s emblems work their magic. The guards still look a bit sceptical as they walk away, but that’s their problem. It’s their own fault for underestimating people.

Of course, if Veth saw a bunch of little kids with the Queen’s emblems running around, she’d be sceptical too, but they have Caduceus, and Yasha’s practically an adult, too, so really, what’s even the guards’ problem?

Soon, Essek’s towers come into view, the strange metal contraption on top of the tallest tower lazily spinning in the wind; it’s more shadow than substance in what little of the light of the streetlamps manages to find its way up there. Essek himself is on the roof of the shortest of his three towers – which also happens to be the one with the guest sitting room they waited in last time – when they arrive. He spots them as soon as Caleb drops Seeming and emerges from the tower just as they reach the front gates.

Once they’ve exchanged pleasantries, Essek leads them further onto his property. “You are earlier than I expected.”

“We wanted to get a good head start in. I’ve been looking forward to seeing your library since we decided on it last night.”

Yeah, they’ve noticed. Veth loves Caleb, second only to how much she loves her son and husband, but sometimes he can get a bit stuck on books. At least the fact that he’s been clearly counting the hours means that he’s in a much better mood today than he was yesterday; as far as she can tell, he barely even panicked on their way here at all.

“I am not surprised. I’ve taken the liberty of preparing a number of books that I think might be the most helpful, but of course, you are free to peruse as you wish.”

They’ve reached the foot of the tallest tower, and Veth cranes her head back to catch a glimpse of the thing on its roof, but the angle is all wrong. Inside, there’s exactly the same free-floating stairs that led to the sitting room in the other tower, and they ascend to find themselves in a well-appointed library only moments later. It’s brightly lit by several permanently installed magical lights, and there are bookshelves arranged all around the outer walls, with a few aisles leading further outward which – shouldn’t that be impossible?

Veth gives Essek a suspicious look, remembering Jester’s comments about weird wizard rooms. 

Apart from the bookshelves – of which there are plenty – there’s a desk, a normal table and a couple of leather armchairs. Veth is pretty sure most of those are a recent addition - Essek doesn’t exactly strike her as somebody who hosts study parties in his private library.

There’s a couple of stacks of books already on the table - probably what Essek was talking about when he said he’d made preparations – as well as a stack of paper and various quills.

Huh, that’s actually quite nice of him.

Not that she’ll forgive him, of course (she only has to think of the smoking ruins of half of Felderwin to let go of that particular impulse very quickly). But at least he’s making an effort.

Or he’s trying to lull them into a false sense of security before he strikes again. 

Veth narrows her eyes. She’s certainly not going to let him sucker her in a second time, so she’ll have to keep her guard up.

That becomes even more obvious when she happens to look at Caleb and realises he’ll be absolutely useless in that regard. He’s stopped dead in the middle of the room (even while Veth is watching, Yasha, coming up the stairs last, almost runs him over), staring around at the books like Jester in a pastry shop, practically vibrating with anticipation. 

Ah well, Veth will just have to look out for the both of them then, as she usually does.

Thinking of Jester, the Tiefling has climbed up onto an armchair next to one of the windows – with her current size, looking out of the window without some sort of mountaineering exercise would have been impossible; Veth can commiserate – and is now jumping up and down while simultaneously trying to lean out of the window to see as much of the view as possible.

The energy levels of four-year-old Jester are frankly disturbing.

Before Veth has decided whether she should worry about the threat of defenestration – though Yasha seems to already be on the case, having planted herself by the window as well – Jester turns back around. 

“Essek! How come we’re all the way up here when the stairs are so short?”

What? Veth scrambles to join Jester on the armchair while Fjord steps over as well. Honestly, this part of the room is getting quite crowded very quickly.

Fjord manages to beat her to the window – only because he has an unfair advantage, what with his legs being three times the length of hers! – and makes a surprised sound as well.

“Jester’s right, that’s four floors at least.”

Veth has finally made it over and up and, after a quick look, she has to admit Fjord is right. 

Not out loud of course. That would be preposterous.

Essek doesn’t look particularly concerned that the first of his weird wizard schemes has been uncovered, but Veth is unto him. She’ll be watching him like a hawk.

“We took the entrance stairs here – they are spelled to take you to whichever floor you desire, as long as you enter through that particular tower’s front door. If you wish to move around inside the tower, you will have to use the inner stairs.” He gestures to one side of the room, where there are two staircases curving along what seems to be the outer wall of the tower (Veth is still sceptical about those mysterious aisles), one up and one down. Between the two stairs there’s a door in the wall, which Essek points to next. “There’s also a walkway to the East tower. If you remember, the walkway to the South tower is one floor above us, in the alchemical lab which you briefly saw the last time you were here, though I don’t think you’ll be needing that.”

The mention of the alchemical lab has Veth’s hands itching. Maybe there’ll be time for just a quick peek later...

Essek continues on, explaining more about the books he’s prepared and letting them know to use the bell on the desk to summon a magical servant if they need anything. He himself won’t be back from the meeting he has to attend until late in the evening, but they’re welcome to stay until then.

Well, good riddance to him, one less thing she’ll have to worry about.

Once he’s gone, they look at each other for a moment before Caleb grabs the list of recommended reading from the table. “Let’s get started, ja?”

*****

Fjord sighs as he turns over another page of his book.

They’ve been at it for a couple of hours now, and Fjord is – bored isn’t exactly the correct expression, seeing that he definitely gets the need to research what’s happened to them, but at the same time, he’s used to a more active role in their adventures. He gets that sitting around just reading books is both necessary and helpful, but it’s starting to feel like he’s just treading water.

It doesn’t help that few of the books deemed the most helpful for their current situation are written in Common, and they pretty much went through those in the first two hours. Without the help of a formal education or even Comprehend Languages, they’re struggling to make themselves useful. Caleb is thriving, of course, and Beau seems to be doing okay as well. But for the rest of them, it’s quickly starting to look as if this day is going to be a bust. 

Fjord himself has checked out the handful of books in Orcish he could find – alas, nothing useful there – and moved on to re-reading some of the books in Common he already inspected earlier, just on the off chance that he missed something. Currently, he’s leafing through a book that’s (apparently) about the transitive properties of arcane time particles in closed spell systems, though he’s not too hopeful it will make more sense on the second go-round.

Caduceus gives up first, closing his book and reaching for the little silver bell pointed out by Essek to summon one of the estate’s magical servants. Within the blink of an eye, a vaguely human-sized shape appears next to the desk and looks at Caduceus expectantly. The thing makes the back of Fjord’s neck itch, and he’s again reminded of Jester’s words about weird wizard houses earlier, but once Caduceus relays his wish to be shown to the kitchen, the magical servant complies easily enough.

Caduceus isn’t gone half an hour – just enough time for Fjord to get some more fruitless attempts at research in and surreptitiously lean over the table to discover that Jester’s given up reading her book in favour of sketching the library – before he returns with a teapot, the magical servant hovering behind him bearing a tray with enough cups and saucers to go around (apparently floating runs in the family, or at least the household). It stays around just long enough to set down the tray on a part of the table not covered by books before disappearing. 

“I thought we could all use a little pick-me-up”, Caduceus explains while doling out the tea, “oh, and Jester? You were right, the kitchen is kind of weird.”

Jester jumps up in her chair and throws out her arms. “See, I told you all! Weird how?”

Veth jumps up as well, looking around suspiciously as if whatever Caduceus found might have followed him here. Her hands go for her crossbow. “Did it try to eat you?”

Caduceus stops pouring out the tea for a moment and looks at them contemplatively. “Not that I know of. But it’s got all kinds of strange pipes and valves and gadgets I’ve never seen before. They know how to use them though.” He gestures to where the magical servant last was at before it disappeared.

“So it didn’t try to kill you?” Veth lets the crossbow fall back to her side where it usually sits. She sounds kind of disappointed.

Fjord can’t really blame her. After hours of unsuccessfully combing through books he can barely understand, he’s about ready to go fight something himself. Even if Essek wouldn’t be happy if they destroyed his kitchen. Or his magical servants.

“As far as I can tell, no. More tea?”

After Jester preens some more, they settle back down again (well, all except for Caleb, who’s absolutely engrossed in his book and hasn’t given any indication that he’s even noticed anything is happening except for a quick “thank you” when Caduceus set his teacup down by his elbow). As time goes by, Fjord grows more and more frustrated. It also doesn’t help that nature’s been calling him since he had his second cup of Caduceus’ tea.

When he finds his mind wandering for the third time in as many minutes, he finally gives in, discards the book he’s been barely paying attention to anyway, and gets up.

“I’m going to go look for a bathroom. You just... keep on doing what you’re doing.” Now he just needs to settle on a direction – there’s up, down, and of course one of the other towers. Where do wizards keep their bathrooms anyway?

Caduceus raises his head from the book he’s working on. Fjord’s pretty sure he was about to nod off until he heard the legs of Fjord’s chair scraping on the ground as he stood up. “You can always summon one of the magical servants. They’re very helpful.” 

Fjord supresses a shudder. No, thank you – those things are just creepy. Besides, that would absolutely defeat the purpose of having something to do except sitting here and staring aimlessly at an arcane text way over his head, hoping to somehow divine meaning from it.

“No thanks. I really don’t want to, uh, inconvenience them unnecessarily.”

“If you’re sure...” Caduceus looks at him knowingly. Caleb, who’s just in the process of exchanging one book for another, isn’t as complacent (and of course, _now_ he’s paying attention): “That’s not how it wo-“ – “Great idea! I’ll come with you, all that tea has to go somewhere!”, Beau ruthlessly interrupts Caleb, jumping up and joining Fjord near the stairs. “Let’s get going! See you lot later.”

She pretty much drags him down the stairs (at least that’s decided now, he guesses). He’s pretty sure she doesn’t really need to use the bathroom. 

An assumption that is proven true as soon as they reach the bottom of the stairs on the next floor. “Great idea to get us out of there! I’ve been itching to explore since we got here. Now, what do you want to look at first?”

“Uh... I actually need to use the bathroom?” Not that he’s averse to a bit of snooping around, but still.

Beau looks taken aback for a moment. “Oh. Well – I’m sure we’ll find one eventually, just keep it in until then!”

Fjord rolls his eyes, but Beau has already turned around to eye the room they’ve found themselves in critically. It’s dark, the faint shimmer coming from the library above the only light source, and Beau immediately goes for the goggles tied to her belt, cursing when the headband turns out to be way too large for her now much smaller head. There’s even more cursing as she tries to adjust them to the point where they’re not threatening to slide down her nose to hang around her neck at any moment.

Fjord takes that time to have a preliminary look around himself – his eyes are much better than Beau’s, and he can already tell that they’ve emerged into some kind of storeroom. There’s shelves everywhere – some of them big and sturdy, clearly meant to house items much larger and heavier than books, others much smaller and many fitted out with individual little doors. Most of the shelves – those without doors, at least - are occupied with various odds and ends, and judging by the shelves nearest to Fjord, everything is meticulously labelled.

“Ooh, that looks promising!” Beau’s finally finished her fight with the goggles and gotten a good look at their surroundings. “Come on, let’s explore!” Her small form vanishes into the stacks before he can answer, and Fjord briefly wonders if this is what it feels like to be a parent before he hurries to catch up.

“Hey, wait up for... ah!” A severed head suddenly appears before Fjord, and without consciously deciding to, he finds he’s jumped back, colliding with the shelf behind him. He has just enough time realise that the severed head is actually Beau’s head reflected back through some kind of giant glass ball before he registers an ominous toppling sound and something small but solid hits him from above and proceeds to smash to the ground; a couple more pelt him while he moves out of the danger zone. While he’s still blinking stars out of his eyes, something flashes in front of him and for a moment he’s worried that he’s hurt himself worse than he initially thought. A couple more blinks, and the flashes turn into Beau’s hands as she catches more of whatever he dislodged from the shelve above him. Damn nimble monks. There’s a couple more crashes too, making Fjord flinch.

He guesses Essek isn’t going to be too happy about this.

“You okay?” Beau manages to look actually concerned while cradling two armfuls of what seems to be small balls made of rather fragile material, judging by the mess of shards they’re standing in.

Fjord carefully touches the back of his head, but there’s barely even a bump. “Yeah, fine. What is that?” 

Beau looks down at whatever she’s holding and shrugs. “Beats me. More weird wizard shit, probably. This room’s full of stuff like that – over there, there’s a whole barrel full of batshit, be glad you didn’t end up in that!” 

He looks where she’s pointing and – yep, she's right. It’s as neatly labelled as everything else here, and e supposes there’s also some sort of spell on the barrel to keep the smell from leaking out and the contents from going bad (can batshit actually go bad? On second thought, he’s not that interested in knowing the answer to that). Either way, Beau’s correct in that he’d rather not get more closely acquainted with it.

It's a matter of seconds to locate the box the balls came in at their feet (though unfortunately, it’s labelled in a script neither of them can read), and Fjord holds it out while Beau carefully puts back the ones she caught. Once that’s done, Fjord returns the box to its resting place on an upper shelf – he just barely manages without having to climb up, and boy does he miss being tall – while Beau scuffs her shoe through the remains of a good half dozen of the things. “So, what are we gonna do with these, then?”

Fjord goes to shrug before inspiration strikes. “Let’s take them with us – maybe Jester can fix them with her Mending spell.” 

“Good idea. You got a handkerchief or something?” As a matter of fact, Fjord does, and Beau kneels down to fold the shards into it before stuffing it into one of her pockets. While this is going on, Fjord looks around to make sure he didn’t knock over anything else, but thankfully, there seem to be no further casualties.

They continue on, more carefully this time, but it slowly becomes more and more obvious that this is simply a storage room for spell ingredients. 

He’s about to suggest to Beau they move on when a strange button on one of the walls catches his attention. It’s black, palm-sized, at about the height of his shoulder, and as far as Fjord can tell not connected to anything around it.

He really shouldn’t press it.

He really shouldn’t.

He does.

For a second, nothing happens.

Then a slow scraping noise starts up. Beau turns around from where she’d been inspecting the contents of a nearby shelf and takes one look at him and the button. “Really?” Fjord can’t see them, but he’s sure that behind her goggles, she’s rolling her eyes.

There’s no time to answer (not that there’s much he could say in his defence), for the scraping sound turns out to be a door, previously hidden, slowly swinging open in the tower wall.

Beyond it, there’s a dark stone corridor curving off in both directions around the tower, the ends leading into darkness. 

It looks ominous, even without taking into account that the tower should actually _end_ where the door leads outwards. As far as conventional architecture is concerned, that corridor shouldn’t exist.

Once nothing comes out to attack them after the door has been open for several seconds, they both relax out of the fighting stances they’ve fallen into. Their eyes meet.

“Like I said, weird wizard shit”, Beau whispers and steps closer to the opening. 

Neither of them can resist, and so they enter the dark corridor.

Neither of them notices the door softly rumbling shut behind them, either.

*****

Meanwhile in the library, the group continues to splinter.

“If you find anything, I’ll be upstairs having a look at the lab.” Without further explanation, Veth jumps down from the table, stretches her back and starts making her way to the twin staircases leading to the other floors. Immediately, Jester snaps the sketchbook Caduceus noticed her get out three hours ago shut and hops to the floor as well. “Oh, that’s a great idea! I’ll come with you – maybe we’ll find something that can help. We are the best detectives after all!” Veth and Jester high-five and disappear around the bend in the stairs leading to the floor above. 

“You need any more help?” Yasha calls after them faintly, but everything happened so fast that the two little girls are already out of earshot. When there’s no response, she goes back to petting Frumpkin, who’s made himself at home in her lap, before sighing and turning back to her research.

Caduceus can commiserate – he’s not making nearly as much headway with the book he’d chosen as he’d like, his written Sylvan too rusty to be of much help even when the arcane concepts don’t just go over his head altogether. 

At least the pictures are pretty.

Still, something tells him the information in here could be important, even if he can’t quite put together how.

Beau and Fjord still haven’t returned, and Caduceus would wonder how long it takes to find a bathroom, but, well – Beau had that certain sparkle in her eyes when they left, so he’s not particularly worried about that. With Veth and Jester gone, there are now just the three of them in the library, four if you count Frumpkin. There’s empty teacups all over – and really, it’s a wonder none of them managed to spill their tea all over a book – except for Caleb’s of course, which still sits half-empty and abandoned by his elbow.

It's probably cold by now, and that thought is the final push Caduceus needs to get up and set his book down on the growing stack of books marked for closer study by Caleb, who is after all their arcane expert. The wizard himself certainly doesn’t seem to mind – he’s barely emerged from the tomes he’s surrounded himself with since they’ve arrived; Caduceus is surprised he even found the time to have any tea at all.

Decision made, Caduceus starts to collect all the tea things together in order to take them back to the kitchen before there’s a mishap. When reaches out to take Caleb’s cup, the wizard startles and then looks around the room. “Where’s everyone gone?”

Yeah, that’s what Caduceus thought. “Fjord and Beau are still looking for a bathroom, and Veth and Jester went upstairs to see what they could find there.” Caduceus just hopes they won’t cause too much chaos – Essek is their friend, after all, and also for Caleb’s sake, who’d probably like to visit this library again under less trying circumstances.

“Oh. Okay.” Caleb still looks distracted, boyish face scrunched up endearingly, and if this is how serious he was about his studies as a boy, Caduceus can see why he was chosen to attend one of the most prestigious arcane schools currently in existence.

Even if Caduceus would like to have a word or two with those in charge of said school about how it is run.

Before he loses his audience to the written word once again, Caduceus forges on. “By the way, I’m going to go back down to the kitchen and put these away.” He gestures to the precariously wobbling stack of cups he’s already collected with his other hand. At the same time, Yasha perks up. “I’ll come with you – I could use a break anyway. If that’s all right.”

Caduceus smiles. “That’s fine – I’d be happy for the company.” The magical servant, while very helpful, wasn’t exactly the chattiest, or rather, by its very nature hadn’t said a single thing at all. The Firbolg is not planning on summoning another one anyway – he knows the way to the kitchen now, after all.

Yasha returns his smile and gives Frumpkin one last cuddle before setting him down on the table, getting up and helping Caduceus with the remaining crockery. Frumpkin meows piteously at the loss of attention, then gives up and headbutts his way onto Caleb’s lap instead.

Caleb, who already has his head buried in his book again, gives Frumpkin a few scritches and then goes straight back to his research.

Caduceus and Yasha distribute cups, saucers, tea pot and the milk and sugar jugs evenly between them and step outside onto the walkway to the East tower. The walkway declines slightly; there’s a door where it joins the other tower on a lower floor, and behind the door there’s what’s clearly a sitting room. Using the inner staircases, Caduceus then leads them down even further, passing the dining room floor and finally ending up in the kitchen on the floor beneath that.

It's not a particularly nice kitchen – as far as Caduceus is can surmise, it’s obviously not a place anybody spends significant amounts of time in regularly – but it’s certainly odd enough to be interesting.

Come to think of it, without a servant shadowing his every move, he might even be able to explore a bit – especially since the servant hadn’t been able to answer any of his questions earlier.

And there’s a lot of things Caduceus has questions about, since he’s pretty sure there’s lots of stuff in here that shouldn’t normally be in a kitchen. And also that there’s stuff missing that usually should be.

The most eye-catching anomaly is probably the collection of big pipes running along the entire circumference of the room just under the ceiling, with smaller pipes branching off at irregular intervals to snake down the walls and join up with all sorts of unfamiliar appliances. And there’s many of those, and strange tools and gadgets – in fact, the room is cluttered up to the point that it almost seems small, though Caduceus is sure it’s probably just as large as any other room in these towers. Then again, the more Caduceus sees of Essek’s home, the more he gets the impression that floor size may be a rather flexible concept here, so who knows.

Despite being cluttered, though, it’s not actually messy – everything is clearly in its place, and the magical servant knew exactly where to find everything Caduceus needed easily enough. He’d be willing to put money on the fact that no flesh and blood person has done any cooking in this kitchen for quite some time.

As for things that are missing that a normal kitchen would usually have – a big fireplace is the top contender.

Yasha enters the kitchen behind Caduceus, holding up the things she’s been carrying. “Um, where should I put these?”

Caduceus looks around consideringly for a moment before his gaze settles on a big basin not far from them. Since his hands are full, he inclines his head towards it. “Let’s put everything in there while we figure out how these things work.”

“How what works?”, Yasha asks as they do just that. Caduceus points to the different pipes that intertwine above the basin, bedecked with different valves at the points where they join and ending in three separate spigots. 

“These here. Earlier, the magical servant turned a couple of valves and the hot water just came right out – it was very convenient.” While Caduceus is perfectly able to do as much himself with a well (or even a bit of magic) and a flintstone, this seems much less exhausting – and with this group, he’s found it prudent in the past to save his energy for healing spells. That’s certainly a better use of the Wildmother’s assistance than helping with the washing up.

Besides, he’s pretty sure these pipes could be used to do interesting things to the hot tub with a bit of imagination.

“Do you remember which valves? I don’t – Ouch!” Yasha recoils and rubs the hand she’d been using to touch one of the pipes. “That’s really hot!”

“You want me to take a look at that?” Caduceus reaches out, ready with a healing spell if needed.

Yasha turns her hand over. There’s a broad red streak across her palm, but it’s already fading. “No, it’s nothing. Let’s just be careful while we do this.”

Unfortunately, Caduceus can’t remember how the pipes worked exactly, but further exploration of the maze of pipes above the basin reveals that the one Yasha went for first is the only one that’s hot, while another is unnaturally cold and the others aren’t remarkable to the touch at all. 

That established, they soon realise there’s nothing left but to just keep turning valves until they hit the right combination.

Of course, they could always just return to the library and simply summon a servant to do the washing up, but this is much more entertaining.

A bit of experimenting, and soon they know that turning the valve on the far left spigot clockwise results in a gush of cold water into the basin; turning it back cuts off the flow again. The valves connected to the other two spigots do nothing, no matter how far they are turned.

Which is why they eventually start trying out the valves further up in the tangle of pipes. It goes well at first – after they’ve turned four of the valves, the spigot on the far right suddenly emits a strange, greenish liquid. Neither of them is quite sure what it is, but at least they now know that whatever they’re doing is having an effect.

A hissing noise starts up after they turn the next valve and when they turn it back it doesn’t die down again, but by this point they’re too far gone to really care, caught up in the moment – it can only be matter of time until they hit on the combination that will grant them hot water.

Five valves later, and there’s a bang and a wave of heat and suddenly Caduceus is airborne. He has just enough time to consider that maybe, they should have summoned a magical servant after all, before his back collides with the wall and everything goes black.

*****

One tower over, the library is quiet except for the low rumble of Frumpkin’s purring and the sound of pages swishing against each other; as far as Caleb is concerned, it’s quite relaxing. And if the part of his mind that is always very aware of the time would like to point out that really, at the very least Fjord and Beau should have returned from the bathroom by now, the rest of his mind is a bit distracted by the library in general, and his research into their specific problem in particular.

It's not his fault; books have always had that effect on him. Besides, he’s almost sure he’s finally found a worthwhile lead in the book Caduceus set aside for him to look through. Now, if he could just figure out which incantation this particular sigil refers to...

There’s a muffled bang further down in the tower, or possibly the next one over.

Frumpkin’s ears twitch. 

Caleb doesn’t even look up from his work.

Books have always been his weakness.

*****

There’s the ring of a bell in the back of Essek’s mind, informing him of some kind of fire-related emergency at his house. This, barely half an hour after another bell informed him that his house was in the process of being burgled.

Essek has no doubt that the Mighty Nein are responsible, and part of him is honestly curious how they managed to set off both alarms before even lunchtime.

Unfortunately for the Mighty Nein, most of Essek’s mental capacities are currently busy being ecstatic that Bodo Icozrin has finally relented on the matter of the surplus steel, provided certain assurances are made by the Crown. Now it’s just a matter of hammering out a formal agreement. That should just take, oh, two or three days, if Essek’s feeling optimistic, which, granted, he usually isn’t. But at the very least, an end to these insufferable meetings is in sight. 

As for the Mighty Nein – they’ll be fine. The burglar alarm is set up to contain, not harm, and if there truly is a fire, his magical servants can deal with it.

Whatever is going on can’t be worse than being stuck in this room with a load of Den bureaucrats. Which he might not be much longer.

That thought alone is almost enough to make Essek smile. Or possibly cry.

It’s certainly enough to push any thoughts of the Mighty Nein – and his house’s alarm systems – far from his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Multiple POVs this time; this is a group effort.
> 
> I feel the need to reassure everyone that Caduceus and Yasha didn’t, in fact, blow up the entire kitchen - just, you know, singe it a bit, and possibly rearrange a thing or two…
> 
> Sorry not sorry for making fun of Fjord. Bad Fjord! We do not press strange buttons of unclear purpose!
> 
> I’ve done my best to make this compatible with what we know canonically of Essek’s house, but if I’ve missed something, let’s just pretend he remodelled while they were off on Rumblecusp…
> 
> German translations:  
> “Schatz” – Darling (lit. “treasure”)


	9. In which our characters discover the ups and downs of giving in to your curiosity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pre-big bang, Fjord is desperate to find some relief and Jester has a ride on the next best thing to a merry-go-round.

“Achoo! Achoo! Achoo!”

Beau rubs her nose and scowls at the darkness surrounding her. Well, darkness and dust. So much dust. She’s pretty sure nobody’s swept up here in months, if not years.

Once she’s reasonably sure the urge to sneeze has passed for good, Beau elbows Fjord in the side and reclaims her place at the viewing window that they’d found set into the wall once they’d followed the corridor a few turns up. She needn’t have bothered, though - not much has changed since the last time she looked through. There’s Caleb at the desk, totally engrossed in his book – she snorts fondly; their wizard is such a _nerd_ -, and in armchairs by the table, Caduceus and Yasha (looking lovely with a small smile on her face as she strokes Frumpkin’s fur; not that she ever doesn’t look lovely), both markedly less interested in theirs. 

Veth and Jester are still nowhere to be seen, but that doesn’t mean all that much. The view of the room offered by the window isn’t all that good, and they’re both so tiny at the moment they could hide behind a tall bottle.

Well, maybe not quite, but almost.

A small pang of guilt shoots through Beau at the sight of her friends hitting the books – really, she should be in there too, trying to figure out how to end this munchkin charade. She’s probably the best researcher they have, save possibly for Caleb.

That’s what she went through the monk training from hell for, after all – Dairon practically made her live in the library during her first year at the Cobalt Soul, whenever they weren’t mutually beating each other up. Not that Beau complained about that.

Complained about the beating each other up part, that is. Complaining about the research part? That Beau did, often, and very, very loudly.

Though she can’t deny that as a result she’s now in possession of grade-A, kickass research skills.

Which is why she should probably still be on the other side of that viewing window, putting them to good use.

(Of course, thanks to the mentioned, mutual ass-kicking, she’s now also in possession of grade-A, kickass ass-kicking skills, and those are much more fun. She’s looking forward to showing them off to whoever put them all in this position.)

Anyway, it doesn’t look as if anything exciting is going to happen in the library anytime soon (not that many things ever do), so she turns away from the window and back to Fjord. “You wanna go further up? If we wanted to watch everyone research, we could have just stayed in there.” 

Fjord steps back from the window. “Sure. It’s not like they can hear us anyway.”

They’d tried that originally, once they’d realized they were right on the other side of the library wall (right on the other side of the tower wall, more like, and Beau’s been trying not to think about that. More weird wizard shit, that’s what that is) – they’d hooted and hollered and kicked against the wall, but their friends inside hadn’t even batted an ear. Not even Frumpkin, which, Beau knows he’s not the most perceptive cat, but that had been pretty solid evidence that any sounds from here just didn’t arrive in there. 

It’s not like she’d noticed any viewing windows in the library when she’d been there either, so this place is probably meant to be hidden. As if the dust and concealed door haven’t already given that away.

Speaking of dust…

“Achoo!” It’s Fjord this time. Beau quickly pinches her nose to keep it from tickling in sympathy. 

“Come on, let’s get a move on before the dust bunnies eat us…”

They follow the corridor as it winds further up. It doesn’t take long for another viewing window to appear in the corridor wall, set low enough for Beau to not even have to get up on her tiptoes, just like the other. That seems significant somehow, and Beau files it away for later. For now, Fjord stoops down next to her, and they look through, heads pressed close together.

On the other side of the window is the alchemical chamber they’ve been in before, the first time they tried to turn Veth back into herself, the one she knows is immediately above the library. It’s sort of a relief, knowing that this strange corridor follows the laws of physics at least that much.

The chamber looks just like the last time she’d seen it – lots of shelves with alchemical supplies surrounding a worktable, plus the stairs leading to the floors below and above and the door to the walkway outside. Nothing special. Nothing…

Wait. Just as she looks up, there’s a flash of yellow disappearing around the bend of the upper stairs. She knows that colour…

“Follow me Fjord, I think I know where Jester and Veth are!” Without waiting for an answer, Beau’s already off, sprinting up the corridor to where, if she hasn’t completely misjudged this, the viewing window to the arcane research lab is. 

Before too long, she’s screeching to a stop in front of a dead end. That makes sense; unless Beau’s forgetting something, this should be the last floor, topped only by the ley line measuring contraption that had gotten Caleb all hot and bothered. As she’d assumed, there’s another small viewing window here, showing the room they’d all crowed into to watch Nott’s transformation. Of course, they’d ended up learning about the curse instead.

Beau ruthlessly pushes away any thoughts of her family – no, any thoughts of her father and mother, her true family is right here – that threaten to bubble up when she thinks of the curse, then swallows down the taste of bile in her mouth when she remembers how she was ready to walk away from everything.

It doesn’t matter. Veth is fine, Beau is fine, and her mother and father have made their positions quite clear. She’ll just have to make sure TJ has a happier childhood than she had when the time comes – right now he’s way too small to cart around with them with the kind of lifestyle they choose to lead (a small voice in her mind points out that TJ isn’t that much younger than Jester looks right now, and man, isn’t that a sobering thought).

Being a kid sucks, especially when it makes her think about stupid stuff like her father and Kamordah. Maybe she should go back to the library after all, make sure this ridiculousness is over as soon as possible.

“Hey, you’re right, they’re here!” Fjord’s voice startles her from her brown study. He’s still puffing a bit, and honestly, she’d have thought their morning workouts would have been more effective by now. 

He’s also fidgeting something awful, and for a moment Beau wonders what that’s about before realising, right, bathroom.

At least he seems sufficiently distracted for the moment; he’s currently reaching for the panel beside the viewing window. It looks very much like the one that got them in here - there’s been one on every level so far, but they’ve been ignoring them in favour of just checking out whatever’s on the other side of the wall. 

“I’m going to let Jester know about this place, she’ll love it”, Fjord declares and smashes his hand down on the button. 

Nothing happens.

Beau snorts and shoves Fjord aside. “I thought this was supposed to be your speciality?”, she ribs him and slams her hand down on the button as well.

Nothing again.

“That’s… not good.” She tries again. 

Still nothing.

“Maybe the door is stuck?”, Fjord suggests over the low sound of an alarm bell quietly starting to ring in Beau’s mind. She somehow doubts that is the case, but…

“Where _is_ the door anyway?” She feels around on the wall next to the button, trying to find the door, but it’s dark – their only light is the ambient light coming from the little window - and the corridor’s made of rough stone, so no luck. 

“Fuck!” …yeah, kicking the wall doesn’t work either.

Beau’s still hopping around on one foot, massaging her other through her boot, when Fjord interrupts her swearing. “They’re going up.” Oh, he’s at the viewing window again. 

“Yeah, I don’t fucking care right now. I care how we’re going to get out of here!” Beau’s not gonna lie – especially not in the comfort of her own head – creeping through Essek’s weird spy corridors has been fun so far, but she’d really rather not get stuck in here.

Apart from everything else, the others would never let them live it down.

“Let’s go try the other floors. Besides, the door we came in through should still be open.” This time, it’s Fjord that’s gone before Beau can react.

They try the door to the alchemical lab – no – and the door to the library – double no, though a quick glance lets them know that Caduceus and Yasha have found somewhere else to be. On the way down to the next floor, the floor they entered this corridor on, she almost runs into Fjord’s back before stopping herself at the last second.

“Um, Beau?”, Fjord asks, not even looking at her despite her almost bowling him over just a second ago. The alarm bell in Beau’s mind gains a cousin at the tone of Fjord’s voice. “Yes, Fjord?” 

“When we went up earlier, did you close the door?”

“What?” Beau pushes past Fjord with a grunt (it’s not like he isn’t usually taller and broader than her, but currently he’s even more so and she doesn’t appreciate the difference).

The door they came through is closed.

The alarm bells in Beau’s mind turn into a regular carillon. It’s annoying, but also kind of pretty. Mostly annoying, though.

“No, I didn’t. Did you?”

Fjord doesn’t even bother to answer, just hits the button next to the mandatory viewing window with a surprising amount of urgency, and – yeah, that.

This time, Beau is no longer surprised when nothing happens.

“So, chances of this being a death trap for people Essek doesn’t like?” Beau’s only half joking – after what they learned in Nicodranas, she’s pretty sure their friend is capable of a lot of stuff they wouldn’t have thought possible before.

Fjord chortles. “Unlikely. Way too much dust, for one – I don’t think anyone has been in here for years, and I’m pretty sure there’s plenty of people he doesn’t like.”

Oh, damn. Fjord shouldn’t have mentioned the dust. “Achoo. Fuck!”.

Once Beau’s nose has decided to behave itself, they’re still locked in here, only that she’s even more annoyed. “Guess we’ll have to keep on going down then.”

“It seems that way.” Fjord’s looking uncomfortably resigned, or maybe just uncomfortable. Definitely as if he regrets coming here.

Well, there’s nothing for it now – further up there’s only dead ends.

They start following the corridor downward, more carefully now, but there’s nothing more threatening than more dust and the by now familiar viewing windows and be-buttoned panels on what Beau assumes is each floor of this tower. Every single one of them stubbornly refuses to work as it should. The rooms themselves – at least as far as they can see from the window slits – aren’t particularly helpful either, another storeroom, some sort of specialised arcane lab, and, sandwiched in between those two, a room that’s so dark neither of them can make out what it’s even supposed to be.

Below the arcane lab, the incline they’re on suddenly evens out and the corridor starts shooting straight ahead. “Looks like we’ve finally reached the bottom”, Fjord muses, looking off into the unbroken darkness ahead.

“I can’t wait for Essek to explain this”, Beau grumps in response. It’s one of those times when she wishes she had Caleb’s sense of direction – they’ve followed the corridor around the tower so often by now that she’s got no idea anymore what direction they’re even going in. 

She’s still trying to work that out when she feels Fjord straighten up next to her: “All right, first mate, forge ahead!”

Almost involuntarily, her stance straightens as well. She grins. “Aye aye, captain!”

They slowly move forward, Beau counting her steps under her breath as a way of keeping track of the distance. She’s almost at forty when some sort of barrier comes into view, the corridor splitting up and angling off in two different directions around it.

“Fjord, you see that?” Her voice sounds way too loud in her ears in the quiet corridor.

“Yeah, I do. I think it’s… stairs?”

It turns out Fjord’s right –there’s steps leading down, a narrow spiral staircase winding into the darkness. What Beau took to be a barrier is actually the beginning of the stair railing sticking out of the ground.

After they’ve silently stared down the mysteriously appearing staircase for a moment, Beau nods at their options. “What do you say – down, or one of the corridors? Personally, I’d love to know what’s important enough to deserve a super-secret basement location…”

Fjord looks conflicted. “It’s probably not the way out…” His fidgeting is worse than it’s ever been.

“Maybe, but do you think we’ll get another chance like this again?” Really, who’s the seven-year-old of them?

In the end, she manages to convince Fjord of her point of view (well, to be completely honest, she just starts sneaking downwards while Fjord’s busy having a sneezing fit; at least the dust here is good for something) and they arrive at the bottom of the stairs without further incident.

Looking around, it’s – not what Beau expected, to be sure. They’re in a moderately sized room, walls made of the same faintly iridescent grey brick the towers’ outer walls are made of. On one side of the staircase, there’s a number of cubicles separated off by partition walls. From what Beau can see, in each there’s a bed stripped of everything but a mattress, as well as a low cupboard. The smell of old, rotting straw tickles her nostrils, competing with the dust – yeah, nobody’s restuffed those in years; they’re probably halfway to compost by now.

On the other side of the stairs, there’s an open space broken only by a big table surrounded by several chairs. There’s two desks, one each pushed to the wall on the left and right, and straight ahead across the centre table there’s a large cabinet filled with what appears to be mostly dishware; it takes up the entire wall. Two doorways, with drapes that have clearly seen better days obscuring the rooms behind, lead off to the sides.

Everything is even more deserted than the Cobalt Soul’s monk-in-training study room during Winter’s Crest. (Well, she assumes it’s deserted during Winter’s Crest – obviously, she’d never hung around long enough to check once she’d been given the go-ahead to join the festivities. Not even the Cobalt Soul is heartless enough to forbid its members from a little partying now and again.) Come to think of it, this place does somewhat resemble the dormitories at the Zadash monastery. That doesn’t explain what a place like this is doing under Essek’s house, though.

“What the fuck - people used to live down here?” Running her hand across the table, Beau stirs up a stripe of dust. She regrets it immediately.

Once her sinuses have recovered, Fjord, who’s ventured far enough into the room to join her at the table, looks first longingly at the two covered doorways, then down at her.

“You think they had a bathroom?”

*****

Meanwhile in the alchemical lab, Jester puts down the bottle of blueish liquid she’s holding in the last free space on the shelf, then swaps out the name card in front of it with that of a pinkish liquid on the shelf below for good measure. A satisfied giggle escapes her - the Traveller is going to be so proud of her! It’s just a pity that she’s probably not going to be there to see Essek’s face when he realises his alchemical stores have been reorganised.

It’s not like she doesn’t absolutely deserve this after being on her best behaviour in the library earlier either. All she’d done there after she’d finished going through her allotted stack of books was to work on some sketches - _not_ in one of Essek’s books, that had been made very clear the previous evening, both by Essek (who’d been clearly worried for his books) and Caleb (who’d been clearly worried for their further access to said books. And the books as well, probably.)

Jester’s not quite sure why. As far as she’s concerned, there’s very few things a drawing of a dick doesn’t improve. Especially boring, stuffy books.

So okay, not in the books. But if one of those sketches just happens to be on the underside of the research table? Well, Essek can totally use some loosening up. Besides, unicorn-hamsters are super cute – who wouldn’t want a drawing of one in their library?

Also, she’s discovered that being really short makes it much easier to draw things while other people aren’t looking - it would be a crime not to take advantage of that as long as it was possible!

Just as Jester’s done adding the finishing touches, Veth appears around the corner.

“Jester, are you finished messing with Essek’s stuff?” 

Jester hops down from the chair she’d dragged to the shelves in order to have access to more than just the bottom two rows. “Yep, all done here. Did you find anything else?”

“I swapped his dust of disappearance with this alchemical cement. He’s going to be very surprised the next time he tries to become invisible!” Veth has been very helpful so far, pointing out which bottles to swap to get the best results. And she’s always been really great with helping out with pranks, but…

There’s a bit of Jester that thinks maybe Veth doesn’t like Essek very much anymore now that they know he’s part of why the Empire and the Dynasty went to war. The thought makes her sad, so she pushes it away and focusses on something else instead.

In this case, it’s hiding all traces of what they’ve done.

“That sounds awesome! Hey, can you help me put this back?” They work together to push and pull the chair – almost twice as tall as each of them is - back where it belongs. Being tiny might be very good for making mischief, but it's very bad for moving furntiture. 

Once that's done, Jester turns around and surveys the room. They’ve done good work here. Between the strategically swapped ingredients, the labels she’s switched out, and whatever Veth was doing while she was doing that, there should be quite a lot of surprises in store for Essek. Unfortunately, there isn’t a weird extra room or secret passage anywhere – that’s the first thing she’d checked – but she supposes wizards are really good at hiding their secrets.

Speaking of secrets - she knows that on the floor above them is Essek’s magical lab, but beyond that, there might be anything. Although… Jester starts bouncing on the balls of her feet excitedly.

“Oh, oh! Isn’t this the tallest tower, the one with the weird swirly thing on top? Let’s have a look at that!” It did look kind of pretty from below, after all, and it definitely qualifies as weird wizard stuff.

Veth gets what she’s talking about immediately. “Oh, you’re right! What if it’s some sort of secret communication device. Or it sucks magic out of the air. Or…”

This game is fun! “Or it gives you wings when you touch it so you can get across the city faster.”

Veth contemplates that for a moment. “Yeah, and Essek uses it whenever he gets tired of floating!”

They start ascending the stairs to the next floor and then further, all the while making up ever more outrageous theories about the thing on the roof, until they’re at the top of the ladder leading up from the last flight of stairs to the high ceiling of the arcane lab. There’s a trapdoor blocking their way, and Veth quickly checks it for traps – none – before both of them push with all their strength and it finally pops open. 

They crawl out into the darkness of the day and stand there marvelling at the thing before them, a big sphere faintly illuminated by what light manages to reach here from the neighbouring buildings and the streetlamps below.

It’s even prettier than Jester expected, so pretty her breath almost catches in her throat. There’s dozens of shiny metal rings, starting big on the outside and getting smaller and smaller the further inside they are, each of them constantly rotating, up and down and around and around, slow and unhurried but never standing still. Some of them are almost as thick around as Jester’s arm (her adult arm, that is, not her stick-like kid arm), others are thin and delicate, almost like a chain one would wear as a necklace. Everything seems to be arranged around a small number of central poles, but it’s hard to tell exactly how many there are because the poles don’t stand still either, instead they shift with the rings, bending and curving almost as much.

It's huge, much bigger than either of them, and for once it’s got nothing to do with what’s currently going on – it’s easily twice as tall again as Caduceus. Then again, they’d seen it from the street, so that’s no wonder.

Jester steps closer, and now she can hear it too – a faint metallic clacking every few seconds. It takes Jester a moment to make out the source – where she initially took the rings to be smooth, they actually have little metallic markers on them that slide along the rings from time to time in a pattern Jester can’t discern. It’s almost hypnotic.

Beneath her feet, there’s an inlaid pattern of what she’s pretty sure is runes, sparkling golden amid the stonework and spiralling all over the tower roof and even up the sides of the crenellations. It has to be part of the device too – there’s similar runes on the rings, at least the larger ones on the outside that are slow enough for Jester to follow them with her eyes. 

Jester _really_ needs to draw this thing.

The silence is suddenly broken by Veth’s voice. “I bet Caleb would love this. Come on, let’s see what it does!” Jester blinks the reverence out of her eyes and nods. “Yes, let’s!”

Which is about as far as they get before realising that there’s really no way to touch or even get any closer to this contraption without getting in the way of its moving parts. 

Five minutes later, they’ve walked around the circumference of the tower twice, Veth has just narrowly escaped getting smacked in the face by one of the sliding metal markers at least once and Jester’s tried and failed to climb up onto the crenellations in order to be able to see the view in three separate places.

Despite all this, they’re still no closer to figuring the thing out.

“There’s got to be some way to turn it off so we can get at it, I’m sure of it!” Veth declares, still keeping her distance after her almost-too-close encounter of the uncomfortable kind. “I’m going to check the walls. There’s got to be some kind of off switch…“ She starts mumbling and feeling her way along the walls.

Jester watches her for a moment before turning back to the sedate dance of the rings in the centre of the tower roof. It’s still super pretty, even if Jester is starting to feel frustrated. 

That’s when she sees it – what might be their chance to get at the thing.

“I’m going to try and get to the base of it! Just watch – I bet something awesome will happen once I’m there!”, Jester lets Veth know. Without waiting for an answer, she gets down on her hands and knees, as low as she can, and inches along the floor, towards where the centre poles sprout from the stone.

She’s halfway there when suddenly, something snags the back of her dress, and Jester has just enough time to realise she’s miscalculated before being tugged first along the floor and then all the way up, up, up until even her feet have left the ground and the fabric of her dress is biting into her armpits.

“Veth! Help!”, she blurts out, stomach in her throat. Then her trajectory suddenly evens out and she’s cruising along almost horizontally. Once she’s managed to convince her stomach to go back to where it belongs, the movement is almost soothing. Really, this isn’t so bad after all. 

She looks down.

There’s the tower roof, sure enough, and she can see Veth just turning around to look up at her from where she’s crouched near the trapdoor. Beyond that, there’s the wall, and around that on all sides a sheer drop in all directions, all the way down to the packed earth surrounding Essek’s towers.

It’s very high, possibly higher than Jester’s ever been without either wings on her back or something solid underneath her, but on the bright side – now she’s got a really excellent view of the city!

“Jester! You okay?” Veth calls up, and Jester almost waves before remembering, right, probably not such a good idea while dangling in the air from her dress.

“Yes! This is fun!” And it is, now that Jester’s over the unexpectedness of it all. She cranes her head around – the ring her dress got snagged on is one of the thicker ones, probably several inches across, and it’s currently rotating her around the middle of the device, dipping up or down from time to time. Otherwise, nothing particularly weird has happened yet. 

That’s a bit of a disappointment.

“I’m fine! But I’m pretty sure it doesn’t do anything when you touch it!”, she calls down to Veth. That turns out to be unnecessary when the ring starts lowering her again almost immediately. 

“How did you manage to get up there anyway?” Veth asks while Jester’s feet come closer and closer to the floor. As soon as she deems it safe, Jester starts pulling and ripping on her dress to dislodge herself.

“I was trying to crawl underneath it! Hey, can you help me with this?” Veth darts in to give Jester a hand, but she’s already on her way up again, the ring changing direction and pulling her upwards in a smooth arc.

“I don’t think I’ll get free that way!” Jester calls down once more, the tower roof growing further and further away. This time, she makes it almost all the way to the top of the sphere before being sent down again. There’s a narrow escape where her feet dangle right in the way of an oncoming ring, and Jester decides that really, this was fun, but now it’s really time to get off this ride. Her hand works its way into her pocket – not so easy in her current position – and pulls out the small caterpillar cocoon she needs. Then she casts the spell to turn herself into a blackbird – that way, she figures, she’ll be able to simply fly down, and she won’t even damage anything around her.

Nothing.

She tries again – she’s _sure_ she’s got it right, she never forgets anything the Traveller taught her! – but still, nothing.

Jester’s starting to get worried.

She’s also on her way down again, so at least she doesn’t have to shout when she talks to Veth this time. “Hey, are your spells working?” Maybe the Traveller is mad at her? But no, he wouldn’t be, especially not after all the chaos she’d just created in Essek’s alchemical lab! 

One more trip to the top of the sphere, and the next time she comes down again, Veth looks worried as well, which honestly makes Jester feel a bit better – it’s definitely not that the Traveller has decided he doesn’t like her anymore, then. Maybe Veth is right and this thing actually does suck magic from the air? That’s a scary thought.

In addition to worried, Veth also looks pissed off. “This is all Essek’s fault! I knew it! He can’t be…” Jester’s off in the air again before she can hear what Essek can’t be, but it turns out not to matter anyway, because suddenly there’s a muffled bang below. Seconds later, Jester can see a thin line of smoke rising up from the base of one of the neighbouring towers.

“Veth, I think something just happened down there!” Jester has just enough time to see Veth running in the direction she’s pointing before the ring she’s apparently stuck on for the time being swings around and she’s facing in the other direction. At least she’s got an awesome view, though she’d really rather find out what that explosion was about.

Speaking of view…

Jester squints.

“Hey, I think I can see our house from here!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: This fic was originally supposed to be only nine chapters long according to the initial outline, and here we are at chapter nine and we’re only roughly halfway through the plot. Oops? (Then again, the visit to Essek’s house was supposed to be one chapter or less and is now going to be three, so…)


	10. In which our characters continue to rearrange Essek’s furniture (though at least this time it’s on purpose)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Mighty Nein attempt to reunite. Essek’s magical servants are having a trying day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mild tw for semi-graphic description of an injury (not one of the kids). If you’d like to avoid that, you can skip ahead to the paragraph starting with “They’re on the walkway”.

There’s a ringing in Yasha’s ears, and for a moment, she doesn’t know where she is.

Then everything comes rushing back. Rosohna, Essek’s house, the strange pipes in the kitchen – the explosion.

She gasps and sits up. 

All around her, there is chaos. Pieces of bricks and other debris litter the floor; dust hangs in the air. There's something sticky on her face, and when she raises her hand to touch her cheek, it comes away red. 

The dust in Yasha’s lungs makes her cough, setting her head to throbbing. Still, everything else seems to be mostly in working order, if a bit bruised up.

That's when a thought hits her. 

Caduceus. 

Adrenaline floods her, chasing away the cobwebs clouding her brain. She jumps up and looks around her.

“Caduceus? Where are you?”

No answer.

She frantically searches the room, kicking through the piles of rubble. About a good third of the kitchen has been turned into a wasteland by the explosion. Two of the three windows have been smashed, and there’s a big hole in the wall where the sink used to be, leading into some kind of dark corridor. Around the hole, the broken ends of pipes twist every which way, many still spewing whatever was in them. There’s steam rising from one – might be the one that burned Yasha’s hand earlier, though it’s hard to tell with how everything has been rearranged. Another drips yellow liquid that proceeds to eat its way through the floor tiles.

But that’s not the concerning part, no. The concerning part is the fire that’s slowly licking its way up the wall next to the hole.

And Yasha still has no idea where Caduceus is.

He has to be around here somewhere, he can’t…

Just as she’s about to grow truly desperate, she hears a groan from underneath a particularly large pile of rubble a couple of feet to the left of her. The pile starts shifting. “That… oh, ow, that could have gone better.”

Relief hits Yasha in the stomach like a fist, and she doesn’t need any further encouragement to start moving. “Hold on, I’m coming!”

On the way, Yasha has to vault over a big metal hunk of an appliance lying on its side in the middle of the floor, torn clear off the fastenings supposed to keep it bolted to the floor. Everything that hadn’t been bolted down has fared even worse –those parts of the kitchen still technically standing are littered with smaller cooking gadgets that were hurled every which way. 

By the time Yasha reaches the talking pile of rubble and heaves off a metal sheet that covers half of it, Caduceus has managed to wriggle a hand free, though the rest of him is still covered in a thick layer of pieces of broken bricks, broken tiles and porcelain shards. The hand stills in its efforts. “Yasha, that you? I could really use some help here, I think I’m stuck. Ouch.”

The pile wiggles some more, and Yasha can see a thin line of red start to seep out, thankfully not from the end the voice is coming from. She doubles her speed, flinging the pieces of debris she pulls off of her friend behind her, not caring where they land.

“Oh, that’s better.” Caduceus grunts as his face slowly comes into view, then his hair, the usually vibrant pink turned a dull grey by the dust covering it.

He goes to sit up and help her unearth the rest of him, then freezes. “Ah, no, that hurts, not doing that. Ouch.”

Even working alone, it doesn’t take Yasha long to remove the rest of the debris, and for a moment they just stare.

“Yes, that would do it…” Caduceus’ voice has a faint quality to it, and it’s hard to tell with the fur, but she could swear he’s gone greyer than usual.

Just above the top of Caduceus’ right boot, right where there’s usually the fleshiest part of the thigh (not that any part of Caduceus qualifies as fleshy), one of the pipes that had caused all this sticks up. It looks like it’s gone straight through the leg, rooting him to the floor.

Behind Yasha, the flames still crackle merrily. By the way Caduceus’ ears twitch, she can see he’s noticed it too. 

Yasha’s knows she’s not very good at healing, but if she can help, even a little, it will be better than nothing. “Okay, I’m going to…” She starts forward but is interrupted by Caduceus.

“You need to pull it out. It’ll start to bleed more, so if you could stop that then, that would be, uh, good. I’ll do the rest.” They both know there’s probably not enough time to get Jester to help.

Yasha takes a good grip of the metal above where it sprouts from Caduceus’ leg, makes sure her stance is firm, and pulls.

It takes her longer than she would have liked – the explosion firmly embedded the pipe in the stone floor, it seems – but finally, it gives way with a wet slurp. Caduceus gives a choked cry between gritted teeth and there’s a spray of blood, but Yasha is already on it, pumping all the meagre healing available to her into her friend. It’s at least enough to slow the blood flow to a sluggish trickle.

“Yeah, that’s better”, Caduceus grunts, and she helps him sit up to finish the job himself.

By now, the smell of smoke is starting to permeate the air. She helps Caduceus the rest of the way up and pulls the edge of her cape in front of her face. “What are we going to do?”

“Wait, I’ve got something for this…” Her friend steps forward, and she’s glad to see he’s mostly steady, even if he’s favouring his right leg a bit. He reaches out his hand and suddenly there’s raindrops on Yasha’s face. The rain quenches the worst of the fire, leaving just a few spots still glimmering.

Yasha’s about to go find something to smother the embers with when a number of Essek’s strangely faceless magical servants appear to finish the job. “Ah, sorry about that…”, Caduceus starts to apologize, looking slightly sheepish, and one of the servants turns around and starts making shooing motions, gesturing towards the stairs leading back up and out of the tower.

They’re both more than happy to comply.

As soon as they’re out of sight of the insistent magical servant, Caduceus turns to her. “One more thing…” He reaches out his hand to touch the side of her forehead, and the pounding she’d grown so used to over the last couple of minutes she’d almost forgotten it was there vanishes.

“Oh, thank you.” His spell also helps with the tiredness that had gripped her once the heat of the moment had passed and the adrenaline had worn off.

By mutual agreement, they start trudging back to the library, both a bit water-logged and likely smelling of smoke. At least the rain has washed away most of the blood, so there’s that.

They’re on the walkway between the tower that houses the kitchen and the library tower when Yasha hears it – a faint shout coming from above. At the same time, Caduceus’ ears twitch. “Is that Jester?”

Yasha’s gaze shoots up, and yes – there’s a faint blue speck high above the tower before them that resolves itself into their friend after a moment. Jester also seems to be rotating, so – that’s weird.

Didn’t Jester say something about weird wizard rooms earlier? And does the roof even count as a room?

“Yes, I think so…”, she confirms for Caduceus. They’ve stopped in the middle of the walkway, both squinting up by now. A second passes before Caduceus blinks, shaking his head. “Yeah, no, it’s too dark.”

By now, Jester has somehow rotated out of view, but a new speck has appeared on one of the crenelations and appears to be waving its arms frantically, though the shouting still doesn’t sound any clearer to Yasha’s ears.

Caduceus, who’s given up looking in favour of listening, is starting to look slightly concerned. “Um, I guess Veth is up there too and Jester is stuck somewhere. We should probably get up there and help.”

Yasha doesn’t even wait for him to finish speaking – her wings unfurl, and she’s already halfway up the remaining length of the tower, bounding upwards through the air in great leaps before she’s even really realised she’s doing it. There’s a cold ball of dread in her stomach, the leftovers of earlier, that demands nothing less.

She’s not going to let this house hurt any more of her friends.

She lands on top of the tower in a flutter of white feathers, and despite the situation there’s the small twinge of happiness she always gets when she sees the change. The feeling lasts for a heartbeat, and then her attention is entirely taken up by Jester.

Or rather, by the strange thing Jester’s stuck on – a big, shiny ball of golden bands, twirling around each other.

Thankfully, her friend doesn’t seem hurt, just rather excited – which is a rather normal look for Jester. Still, it’s always better to ask. “Are you hurt?”

“Oh, Yasha, that was really cool!”, Jester enthuses instead of answering. “The way your wings just poofed out and then whoosh…” the gesture that accompanies her words is lost to Yasha when the ring Jester is stuck to jerks her back around to face the other way.

“She’s fine, but Essek’s evil metal sphere thing has taken away our magic and now we can’t get her down!” Veth complains next to her, having jumped down from the wall.

“It’s evil?” It doesn’t look particularly evil from where Yasha’s standing. Actually, it looks rather pretty.

“Of course it is, it stole our magic! And look what it’s doing to Jester!”

As far as Yasha can tell, Jester almost looks like she’s having fun, but she gets the point.

She steps closer to the roof’s centrepiece, looking at it consideringly. There has to be some sort of pattern to the movements, but if there is, she hasn’t discovered it yet. 

By now, Jester is rotating back around again. “Hey Yasha! I can see all the way to our house, and to the Bright Queen’s palace! Oh, but what was that noise earlier – is that why you’re all wet? There was a lot of smoke, too…” And then she’s already swivelling around again.

“Yeah, what’s up with that? What did Essek’s house do to you?” Veth scrunches up her face as her eyes flick around the roof and then glare downwards, as if she could see through the tower itself and all its secrets through sheer suspicious force of will. 

She also still looks very much like a six-year-old Halfling, and the combination is kind of adorable, to be honest. Yasha has to bite her lip to keep from smiling, certain it would be taken the wrong way.

“That’s, uh, a long story. Though technically, I suppose I and Caduceus did something to the house, not the other way around?” 

Jester’s circling around to their side of the roof again, and Yasha gratefully seizes the opportunity to get out of any awkward explanations.

She doesn’t even want to think about what they’re going to tell Essek when he comes home.

“I’m going to try to take you down now”, Yasha tells Jester and steps right into the orbit of Essek’s device, making sure not to get caught up in it herself. It’s easy enough, especially now that her wings have folded back in – it’s not that fast, after all, and for a moment Yasha wonders how her friend managed to get herself stuck in this position in the first place. 

Her first attempt is a failure – Jester circles by a couple of feet above her head, and jumping up just doesn’t give Yasha enough leverage to pull her off of whatever she’s snagged on. The next time Jester swings back around, though, it’s at a perfect height for Yasha to get to her. 

She carefully takes hold of her friend, one hand circling around her back to find the place where she’s stuck, and for a moment Yasha’s worried she’ll have use more of her strength – her friend is so small and delicate right now, she’d never forgive herself if she hurt her – but then there’s a ripping sound and Jester comes lose, tumbling straight into Yasha’s arms with a surprised shout.

Yasha reluctantly releases Jester from the quasi hug she’s got her in and sets her on the ground. As soon as her feet touch down, the tiny Tiefling starts craning her head around, trying to get a good look at the back of her dress where there’s now a rather big hole. The corresponding piece of yellow-pink fabric flutters in the wind, rotating on with the rest of the sphere.

“Aww, that was one of my favourite dresses, I’ve had it forever! Then again, it won’t matter soon, I guess…”

Still, the dejected look on her face tugs at Yasha’s heartstrings, and she’s about to comfort her friend when Veth speaks up.

“Great, now that that’s done, maybe we can try to figure out what’s up with our magic?” Yasha can tell she’s truly worried by the fact that her voice is even shriller than usual – even accounting for her current age.

“Maybe we should get off the roof before we try anything…” She still doesn’t know how Jester got herself attached to that thing, but she’s not about to chance a repeat.

Jester’s head snaps up. “Yes, if Essek’s magical ball is what’s sucking away our magic, maybe it will stop when we’re not here anymore?”

Veth considers that for a moment, then nods resolutely. “That’s worth a try. And if not, I have to go warn Caleb anyway!” She’s gone in a flash, disappearing down a trapdoor Yasha hadn’t even know was there, quickly followed by the toddler-sized Tiefling. Yasha still has no idea what her friends are talking about, but whatever it is seems to have calmed Veth down somewhat, so that’s good. 

By the time Yasha has squeezed her considerably larger bulk through the trapdoor and climbed down to the floor of the chamber below – it takes her a moment to recognise it as the arcane lab they’ve all been in once before – Jester’s pulled her arms in through the sleeves of her dress like a particularly adorable, blue-and-yellow turtle and turned the dress around so she can look down at the hole in its back. “Hey Yasha, is it smaller now? I cast Mending on it and I _think_ it’s less frayed, but it’s still so _big_ …” 

While Yasha’s still struggling to find the right words to reassure her friend – she’s right after all, the hole is still pretty big, Yasha’s arm probably could fit through if she tried – Veth pulls a piece of copper wire out of a pocket and fiddles with it for a second before lifting it to her mouth. “Caleb? Don’t come up here, Essek’s evil house…”

*****

Caleb jots down another entry on his ever-growing list of possible leads, scratching Frumpkin behind the ears with his other hand. There’s a number of books he’ll need to somehow procure – Caleb has found that Essek’s library is exceptionally well stocked, but even so, it still doesn’t contain everything. There’s also a couple of references he’ll need to double-check to see whether following up on that particular thread would even be worthwhile - there’d been a potentially embarrassing hiccup earlier in the morning when a spell he’d initially thought was meant to reverse the topical effects of time had actually turned out to be referring to a particularly powerful cleaning cantrip.

At least the others hadn’t noticed.

Apart from that, there’s a couple of spells he’s found that might genuinely help with their situation if adjusted accordingly, though Caleb knows that’s a slippery slope – better to figure out what has happened to them in the first place rather than add another spell on top and risk potential cross-contamination if it turns out to be some kind of curse or trap.

Though to be honest, he has to admit that if this goes on much longer, he’ll soon be willing to try almost anything if it has a chance of getting them out of this situation, consequences be damned. 

That’s a problem for a later date, though – right now, there’s still a number of other options open to them.

Behind Caleb a door opens and closes, but Caleb barely pays attention to Caduceus’ muttered greeting. All of his concentration is once again on the text in front of him, his translation spell making the letters jump off the page and rearrange themselves in patterns he can interpret. It’s slow going compared to reading a language he reads naturally, but it’s still invaluable, especially since, unsurprisingly, many of the texts on Dunamancy he’s found are written in older dialects of Undercommon or Elvish, neither of which he’s ever had the opportunity to learn. It’s quite surprising, really – in hindsight, he would have thought Trent would have encouraged them to study the culture and habits of their supposed enemies, but when it comes to that, even Beauregard’s Monk training has proven more useful.

Beauregard – come to think of it, it’s been quite some time since she and Fjord left.

That brief thought distracts Caleb enough to make him notice the smell – wet fur, an unpleasant smell Caleb remembers well from his time out on the roads of the Empire, travelling only with Frumpkin and later Nott, when more often than not, the only bed they’d had on a rainy evening had been a leaf-covered ditch. Back then, the extra warmth the Fey cat offered had more than made up for the accompanying stench (of course, Caleb hadn’t smelled like fresh spring roses in those days either, so really, the point had been moot). He's not used to smelling it now anymore, though. 

It’s enough to make Caleb abandon the arcane equation he’d just started to decipher and look up. 

And then do a double take. 

There’s Caduceus, sitting at the table – and Caleb had known that, remembers him coming back in barely a minute ago – but there’s no Yasha. That’s not the thing that catches his attention, though, no – it’s the state Caduceus is in. His clothes are soaked, his fur and hair hanging down in clumps where it’s longer and sticking up in wet tufts where it’s short. His clothes are ripped and torn in places, and there’s a suspicious ruddy red stain on one of his pants legs. 

Caleb blinks, but the image in front of him doesn’t suddenly resolve into something that makes more sense. “Erm, are you alright?”

Caduceus looks up from where he’s inspecting a big scratch on his breastplate, a scratch that Caleb can’t remember being there earlier today. “Uh, yeah, we had a bit of an, uh, accident in the kitchen. I put out the fire though, and the magical servants took over from there, so it’s probably fine.”

Caleb blinks again. Nope, still not working.

He takes a moment to process, then tries again. “What happened? Is Yasha alright?” In light of this new information, her absence is vastly more alarming now than it was a moment ago, though Caleb supposes that if anything had happened to her, Caduceus would have led with that.

The Firbolg in question has taken to wringing out the flowing sleeves of his shirt and – yes, if Caleb looks closely, he can see what appears to be the remains of soot staining the diaphanous material. “Oh, Yasha’s fine. Nothing a spot of healing couldn’t fix. She’s gone up to make sure Veth and Jester are okay.”

“Veth and Jester?” Caleb finds himself suddenly on his feet. He’s starting to feel like he’s missing huge chunks of background on this conversation, but more importantly, “What happened to them?”

“Oh, Jester appears to have become stuck on the roof? I’m not sure, it wasn’t very clear… Yasha flew up immediately to check up on them though, I’m sure she would have let us know if it were serious.”

Caleb very much wishes he could go back to ten minutes ago, when his worst problem was a particularly stubborn glyph that refused to respond to his Comprehend Languages spell (well, a particularly stubborn glyph and the fact that he and his friends are trapped in bodies about twenty years too young, but that’s beside the point right now).

(There’s also the fact that they’re supposed to be keeping a low profile, not starting fires and winging through the Firmaments district, and Caleb supposes if he weren’t so worried about his friends right now, he’d be a lot more worried about that. Also, they apparently set Essek’s house on _fire_ and Essek is _never going to let them use his library again_ , and oh, look at that, apparently there is some room left over in his mind to worry about other things.)

It’s about this time that Caleb’s memory informs him that, in all likelihood, Caduceus is referring to the rooftop that holds Essek’s mechanism for measuring the magical effect of ley lines, and his imagination immediately starts offering unbidden suggestions for what could occur when combining such a delicate piece of machinery with his excitable friends.

He doesn’t appreciate any of them.

Before he can get himself truly worked up or even take a step towards the stairs to get involved himself, Veth’s voice suddenly rings out in his head.

“Caleb? Don’t come up here, Essek’s evil house tried to steal our magic! Also to kidnap Jester, but Yasha stopped it. You can reply to…” Veth’s voice cuts off abruptly mid-sentence but Caleb’s stomach is already dropping out in bone-deep relief at the realization that Veth and Jester are okay.

It's possible that this entire thing is getting to him more than he thought.

He takes a moment to collect himself before he answers: “I’m glad you’re alright. What do you mean, steal your magic - Caduceus said Jester got stuck? Please come down so we can discuss further.”

It doesn’t take long for the group from the roof to appear – just long enough for Caleb to sit back down and take a few deep breaths while Caduceus looks at him knowingly in that manner he has that would be annoying on anyone else. Watching them clamber down the stairs before the huge Babarian woman, Caleb is reminded anew of just how tiny both Veth and Jester are right now. If anyone were to attack them… 

No, better to concentrate on how to solve the issue than to get lost in what ifs. He reminds himself again that the Wildmother was apparently positive they weren’t in any particular danger here, even if any trust he has in the Wildmother is really just an extension of the trust he has in Caduceus.

Whatever happened on the roof, they look well enough (barring Yasha, who, going by her looks, Caleb is going to assume was involved in the same incident as Caduceus; he still hasn’t gotten the full story there), Jester taking the final two steps in one great leap and turning around to present her back to them. “Look at this! Essek’s swirly sphere totally grabbed me and ruined my dress! But at least I could see all the way to our house – our tree looks really pretty from here!”

There is indeed a rather large hole in the yellow fabric – Caleb can see her shoulder blades move as she lifts both of her arms out to the sides to showcase the problem. 

“I’m still not sure the house isn’t trying to kill us!” Veth follows that up with a withering look at the library around them, and as far as Caleb is concerned, that is hardly fair – what have the books done to her?

“Uh, I think Jester just got snagged? It wasn’t very hard to get her down…” Yasha interjects, but Veth won’t let herself be deterred. “And of course it would try to also steal our magic! That’ll make it much easier to get us!”

“It did sort of give it back right afterwards, though, didn’t it?” Now that Jester’s satisfied everyone has had a good look at her fashion update, she’s hopped up onto the table and made herself comfortable, short legs dangling down the edge.

“That’s probably part of its evil plan! It’s trying to lull us into complacency before it makes its final strike, that’s all.”

“It might just be part of the design of the machine? I haven’t been up there yet, but from what Essek told me and Beauregard it’s meant to measure the energy of ley lines, that is bound to mess with arcane flows.” Caleb hates to contradict his best friend, but Essek’s house trying to kill them seems a bit far-fetched even to him – and he’s fully aware that he’s a paranoid bastard.

Veth gives him a brief betrayed look that cuts right to his core but then seems to let it go. He can’t help wincing internally a bit, regardless. “Well, maybe. But I still think we should all be extra careful.” She directs one last distrustful look at their surroundings before letting the matter go.

“Might be good to check in with Beau and Fjord too, they’ve been gone for a while…” Caduceus drops into the conversation lazily, and Caleb can see the fire of suspicion reignite in Veth’s eyes. So much for that then.

Though Caduceus isn’t wrong – consulting his internal clock, it’s been a good hour since the last two missing members of their group left to look for a bathroom, and while, when he’s honest, Caleb has no doubt that there probably was some intent to snoop around involved, they should have turned up again by now.

Over on the table, Jester nods resolutely. “I’m gonna send them a message! Just to be sure the house hasn’t kidnapped them and all.” A faraway look enters her eyes that Caleb recognizes as Jester concentrating on her Sending spell and she begins to speak: “Beau! It’s Jester – where are you? Did the house try to blow you up or kidnap you too? Well, maybe – we’re not sure. Anyway, are you okay?” Caleb notes that she manages to stick to the word limit surprisingly well, considering Fjord isn’t there to count along.

“Uh, wasn’t really the house’s fault it tried to blow us up…”, Caduceus interjects quietly next to Caleb, and he’d really like to know when the fire he was told about turned into a full-blown explosion (and how come he didn’t notice any of that?), but before he can ask, Jester reports back.

“Beau says they’re in the basement. She also said something about the doors in the tower being locked. Oh, and something about a big bang, that must have been what happened to Caduceus and Yasha earlier.” A puzzled look comes over her face. “What did she mean – all the doors are locked? We got around just fine.”

“But is she okay? Maybe we should ask again just, uh, to be sure.” Yasha sounds worried, and Caleb can’t help feeling a little concerned too – while he still doesn’t think Essek’s house would actively try to kill them, there are certain things in the residences of expert mages that tend to be rather hazardous to the uninitiated. 

“Maybe ask them how they got down there?”, he suggests just in time before Jester fires off the next spell.

“But they’re not locked, though – are you okay? How did you get down there? Can you come back up? I think Yasha is really worried.” Caleb can’t help thinking that Jester is really getting the hang of keeping track of her word count. Across the room, Yasha blushes a bright red.

Shortly afterwards, Jester’s expression grows still more confused, giving her even more the air of a befuddled four-year-old. “They’re fine, but she says there’s some sort of spy corridors? And I think they’re locked in.”

Caduceus interjects himself again: “Maybe the magical servants can help us find them?” 

“Or it’s a trap and they’ll lead us right into it, too!” Veth doesn’t seem to be over her suspicions, but to be fair, what Beauregard is describing does sound strange.

“But it won’t hurt to know where they are!”, Jester objects just as Caduceus takes the decision out of their hands by reaching for the little bell, and a servant puffs into existence not a second later. It’s strange – Caleb knows they are faceless, but when it turns towards Caduceus, he could swear it’s looking faintly accusatory.

Either way, Caduceus isn’t letting that deter him. “Hey, we seem to have displaced two of our own. Could you maybe point us in the right direction?” 

The servant stares at Caduceus for a moment longer – at least that’s Caleb’s impression, no matter that it doesn’t have eyes – then turns and points at the wall opposite the writing desk. As far as Caleb can make out, there’s nothing special about that part of the wall. It’s made of the same peculiar grey bricks that Essek’s towers seem to be mostly built out of in general, partly obscured by a wall hanging on one side and bordered by a bookshelf on the other. 

Despite her vocal objections earlier, Veth is the first to move closer. She inspects the wall for a moment, running her hands along something Caleb can see, and finally ends up trying to jam her fingers into the opening between the wall and the bookshelf. That part seems to work quite well – Veth’s fingers are currently tiny, after all – but the part where she tries to move the bookshelf forward a bit is, unsurprisingly, a complete failure. “Hey, I think I found something, somebody give me a hand!”

Caleb is grateful when Yasha, who is standing closest anyway, moves forward to help her first - he’s not sure he’d be a lot of help with a heavy bookshelf, especially in his present state. 

With Yasha’s assistance, moving the bookshelf away from the wall is accomplished in a matter of seconds. Near Caleb, the magical servant, despite not having come into the possession of any distinguishable features since appearing, still manages to look disapproving.

“Up there, see? There’s some sort of button!” Veth’s voice rips Caleb away from his contemplation of the precise set-up of Essek’s servant spell and focusses it back on the matter at hand. As announced, there is indeed a button – a fairly big and grey affair, clearly meant to blend in with the wall.

Yasha lifts her hand to the button but stops just short of activating it. “What do you think it does?”

By now, Jester’s jumped down from the table to join the other women by the wall. “Yeah, do you think weird wizard stuff will happen if we push it?” She’s bouncing on her heels and looking unreasonably excited at the prospect, which in her current semi-toddler-state also means she’s looking unreasonably adorable. Caleb’s pretty sure the strange facial contortions Yasha is currently undergoing is her having to keep herself from cooing.

Veth, on the other hand, has her arms folded in front of her, in full-on suspicion mode once more. “How should I know? Though I’m pretty sure there’s a door in this wall – whatever it is, it probably has to do with that.” Then again, despite the different mood she conveys, the Halfling also looks unusually adorable.

Caleb doesn’t believe in lucky stars, but he thanks his anyway for at least turning out old enough to not have to deal with that.

“Well, let’s just try it?”, Caduceus suggests, breaking the standstill. 

Jester giggle-snorts. “That’s definitely what Fjord would do.” A second later, she grows sober and the light in her eyes changes. “Wait, that’s definitely what Fjord would do!”

“So you want to get us locked up in the basement too?” Veth protests shrilly, but Yasha’s hand is already bearing down (well, bearing sideways, to be technical about it) on the button.

There’s a soft snicking sound and everyone present holds their breath. Well, everyone except for the magical servant, who obviously doesn’t need to breath anyway, and Frumpkin, who’s taken up personal grooming in a clear demonstration of disinterest in the current proceedings.

For a moment, the library is quiet.

Then for a moment more.

And then, when it becomes increasingly clear that nothing is going to happen, everyone except the aforementioned parties resumes breathing. 

Jester pulls a face. “Okay, that’s kind of disappointing… maybe it’s not done yet?” 

“Be careful! Maybe it’s some kind of gas.” Veth warns and moves closer to the window, possibly in the hope that fresh air will help, tugging Caleb along by his trouser leg the last couple of steps.

“You want me to try again?” Yasha enquires when Veth’s dire warning doesn’t seem to come true, hand drawing close to the button once again.

“I don’t think that will change anything”, Caleb provides from over by the window where he’s let himself be dragged – it’s not like he’s particularly invested in standing near the mystery button, who knows what might come out of the possible door Veth mentioned earlier.

Caduceus turns to the magical servant. It’s watched the entire exchange with no discernible change in expression, which really shouldn’t be surprising but after earlier somehow is. “Is that normal? Should the button do something?”

The faceless servant – unsurprisingly – doesn’t answer but after a moment, gives a sort of full-armed shrug. Caleb tells himself he’s being ridiculous - after all, it has neither a face nor a voice, it can hardly be blamed for not being particularly communicative, and also, it’s a mindless arcane construct. There’s no way it’s being as unhelpful as possible on purpose.

On the desk, Frumpkin, finished with his hygiene regimen, yawns widely and curls up, still entirely unconcerned with what is happening.

“I’m gonna ask Beau if she or Fjord know anything about it!”, Jester announces and starts concentrating. “It’s me again! Did you find a button too? We tried pushing it, but nothing happened. Veth thinks there’s a door. Are you locked in the basement or…”

She trails off, aware that her word limit has run out by the fingers Caduceus is helpfully holding up in lieu of Fjord, but Caleb is confident Beauregard should have gotten the gist. Within seconds, Jester tilts her head as if she’s listening to something and starts reporting back: “Beau’s talking about the spy corridors again? I think they’re locked up in those, not the basement. Also, she says they did use a button to get in. And that they’re not working anymore. Oh, just like ours!”

“How does Essek fit spy corridors in here anyway?” Veth’s crept closer to the button again, inspecting the wall next to it once more.

At least Caleb has a theory for that. “It’s probably some sort of extension spell on the architecture. It’s not unusual for wizard towers to have hidden rooms – or in this case, hidden corridors. Remember Yussa’s tower?” Which, now that he thinks of it, begs the question – what else has Essek hidden here that they’re not seeing?

Jester’s eyes go round. “Ooh, so there’s lots of rooms we can’t see? That’s so cool! Hey, do you think we could…” She turns to where the magical servant was just moments earlier but breaks off when she sees that it’s vanished. “Oh. I guess it had better things to do.”

Veth’s eyes narrow to slits. “Or it’s in on what’s happening and is afraid we’ll find out!” She pulls out her tiny, child-sized crossbow from somewhere on her tiny, child-sized form and brandishes it. “I say we find it and make it spill the beans on what Essek’s game is!”

“Couldn’t we just, like, make a new door so Beau and Fjord can come through? I can do it with my paints. And then we can all go look at the spy rooms!” Out of habit, Jester reaches for where her bag strap usually rests on her shoulder, but a moment later, her face falls. “Oh wait, I left my bag at the Xhorhouse because it’s so heavy now…”

Across from Caleb, Yasha, who’s still standing next to the button, gives a jolt and then starts looking contemplative. “Uh, I think there might already be an exit? In the kitchen. An, umm, sort of permanent one.”

“In the kitchen?”, Jester pipes up, already recovered from her brief moment of disappointment. “That’s strange – why would you go to all the trouble of making a super-secret corridor and then just leave it open somewhere?”

Yasha blushes, though Caleb thinks it’s not only from having all of their attention focussed on her. Caduceus takes a big breath, as if he’s suddenly realised something. “Oh, yes, that would do it…”

Caleb has a bad feeling about this. “Do what?”

Yasha’s starting to look truly sheepish now. “The exit is kind of new? It’s really more of, umm, a big hole in the wall…”

Caduceus chimes in: “Yeah, we knocked out part of the wall when we…” He makes a gesture Caleb can’t really interpret, but it doesn’t really matter. He feels faint.

First a fire. Then an explosion. And now he finds out entire walls have been knocked out.

That’s it. Essek is _definitely_ never going to let them use the library again. Ever. Or let them come near his home at all, at this rate.

He doesn’t recall either saying that aloud or sitting down, but he must have done both, for when he looks up the next time, Veth and Jester are hovering in front of him, with Yasha towering over them and Caduceus peeking over her shoulder.

Jester is wringing her hands. “Don’t worry, Caleb, I’m sure Essek will understand!” 

“I’m sorry…” Yasha’s voice overlaps with Caduceus’, both trying to reassure him.

Veth reaches up and puts her hand on his knee. “Yeah, and it’s all Essek’s house’s fault anyway! He won’t blame you for it. Not that we should come here again, because it’s trying to kill us, but you know – it’s still a good library?”

Over on the desk, Frumpkin opens one eye and uncurls slightly, as if to check whether or not an intervention is necessary.

Caleb swallows, forcefully pulls himself together, and says the only thing he can under the circumstances: “Well, let’s just hope Fjord and Beauregard have no trouble finding the way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it turns out I spoke too soon when I said the arc regarding Essek’s house would finish up this chapter...
> 
> I hope the mood whiplash between the beginning of this chapter and the ending of last chapter wasn’t too bad. I honestly don’t know how that happened, the H/C just crept up on me - maybe I should have worked on my angsty Caleb oneshot that day instead, lol. To balance it out, I sort of kept cracking myself up while writing the next bit (Caduceus returning to the library), so at least when it comes to entertaining myself this chapter is a full success? Turns out I also managed to torture the Fjord-and-buttons joke some more - sorry-not-sorry :P
> 
> For the curious, here’s the conversation between Jester and Beau in full:  
> Jester: Beau! It’s Jester – where are you? Did the house try to blow you up or kidnap you too? Well, maybe – we’re not sure. Anyway, are [you okay?]  
>  _Beau: We’re in Essek’s weird-ass basement! There’s bedrooms down here and shit. Was that big bang earlier you? All the doors in the tower were locked._  
>  Jester: But they’re not locked, though – are you okay? How did you get down there? Can you come back up? I think Yasha is really worried.  
>  _Beau: We’re fine. Found this secret corridor with spyholes on all the floors, but the door closed and there’s no exit. Ended up down here._  
>  Jester: It’s me again! Did you find a button too? We tried pushing it, but nothing happened. Veth thinks there’s a door. Are you locked in [the basement…]  
>  _Beau: Yeah, we can’t get out of these weird corridors. Did come in here through a door with a button, but they’re not working anymore._


End file.
